This ones for you DeadEye.....
Then they walk around the ranch a little, and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, "We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows."
The conversation has almost died when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field. He asks, "And what are those?"
The Aussie replies with an incredulous look, "Don't you have any grasshoppers in Texas?"
Cowboys ...And Indians A little Indian boy goes into the kitchen where his mom is baking. He puts his hand in the flour and wipes it all over his face. "Mom, look, I'm a white boy." His mom slaps him in the face and says "Go show your father" He goes to his dad in the living room and says "Look dad, I'm a white boy." His dad slaps him hard in the face and says "Go show your grandmother." The boy goes in his grandmothers room and says "Look granny, I'm a white boy." His grandmother slaps him in the face and sends him ! back to his mother. His mother says "See. Did you learn anything from that?" To which the boy replies, "Sure enough did. I have only been white for five minutes and I already hate you f$%#&%$ Indians.
Rudi_alias_RudiCowboys ...And Indians A little Indian boy goes into the kitchen where his mom is baking. He puts his hand in the flour and wipes it all over his face. "Mom, look, I'm a white boy." His mom slaps him in the face and says "Go show your father" He goes to his dad in the living room and says "Look dad, I'm a white boy." His dad slaps him hard in the face and says "Go show your grandmother." The boy goes in his grandmothers room and says "Look granny, I'm a white boy." His grandmother slaps him in the face and sends him ! back to his mother. His mother says "See. Did you learn anything from that?" To which the boy replies, "Sure enough did. I have only been white for five minutes and I already hate you f%$^ing Indians.
Rudi good joke and laughed my butt off....can you change the f word to F&%*ING please. Or something close.
LMAO..!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! people are startin to stare here...gotta stop readin these at work!
i got one.
a big feller walks in to the saloon and yells at the bartender to give him a bottle. after he shoots down his second, he looks at the clean shaven, well dressed piano player and says "hey! piana player, stop playin that piana, i wanna drink in peace!" he pours another shot, cocks his head at the piano player, still playin...and yells "hey!! piana plaer, stop playin that gawdam piana!" without payin any attention to the well armed stranger, he keeps on playin his happy melody. the enraged cowboy then grabs his six-shooters and empties both into the piano, still, the piano player keeps ticklin the ivories. this really pisses the big man off, he grabs his double-barrel scatter-gun, and in a flurry of reloadin, and firein...leaves the piano riddled with holes. still, the piano player plays. out of breath, the burly patron asks the bartender how to get the piano player to stop playin the piano, the bartender eyes the stranger and says "well, ya see, ya take that there scatter gun, and go down the street, on yer right is the general store. go in thar, and see jim, jim'll take that scatter gun and dip it real good in a vat a butter." "a vat a buttur?! hows dippin muh scatter gun in a vat a buttur gonna make him stop playin that damn piana?" "its not" replied the bartender "but it'll help you" "help me? hows that gonna help me?" asked the stranger "well" says the bartender "when wyatt earp is done playin that piana, he's gonna shove that gun right up your ass!"
The player formerly known as +medic+Goa.Johnson(nl)
1st February 2004
Haha i like this thread:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: , i'll see if I can get some jokes too. Edit: Here it is: not the best but wuite funny. An old Cowhand was tending cattle late one evening out on the prairie when he noticed a dark cloud of dust from the North headed toward him. When the dust settled he saw a big, gruley Cowboy riding a Grizzley bear and whipping him with a Rattle snake. The big Cowboy hopped off of his bear and asked the Cowhand if he had anything to eat and drink. The Cowhand informed the big Cowboy that he had a pot of boiling beans and a pot of boiling coffee on the fire and when it cooled off that he was welcome to all he wanted. The big Cowboy told the Cowhand that he didn't have time for the beans or the coffee to cool off. The big Cowboy grabbed that cast iron bean pot and just chugged them down and then grabbed the boiling coffee pot and washed the beans down with the coffee. The big Cowboy then darted out towards a cactus bush and squated down behind it to relieve himself and wiping himself with cactus leaf. The old Cowhand didn't know what to think about this fellow. The big Cowboy, wiping the bean juice off of his chin, apoligized to the old Cowhand for having to eat and run. As the big Cowboy untied the rattle snake from around the Grizzley bear's neck to ride South he told the old Cowhand "I got a bad Sum-B.tch chasing me!!!!"
a long time ago at a little indian plantation just west of el drab chief running water speaks with his son while waiting for his 53rd child to be born son: oh wise father why is little flower called little flower and running mule called running mule ? cheif running water :well oh little one these are the names our elders bestow upon us son : but how do we get em ? cheif running water : well when the child is born ,,the name comes from the first thing the elders see when they open the tee pee son : ah but cant the name be changed oh great cheif running water cheif running water : and why does this trouble you 2 dogs humping
...a coepoke was sittin at the bar washin down some trail dust, when he tipprd his hat at the bartender, and mosey'd out the door. a couple minutes later he came back in, steam comin from his collar, face red with anger..he stomped to the middle of the saloon, and looked around. putting his hands on his hips, he drew in a deep breath, "who painted muh hoss's b*lls yella?" as if nobody heared him, the normal saloon noises continued. this frustrated the cowpoke, who was already mad, and humiliated by the sight of his hoss's gem being painted. he yelled again as loud as he could, "who the blazes painted muh hoss's b*lls yella?" again, nobody paid him no mind. he drew his iron, fired a shot into the ceiling, and when a hush fell over the crowd, he calmly demanded... "who...painted...muh hoss's b*lls yella?" just then a six foot 300 pound giant got up from his chair, "I painted your hoss's b*lls yella," he said in a thunderous voice "what of it?" the cowpoke, tryin hard to save face looked him squarly in the eyes and opened his mouth... (ulp)"t-t-tthe first coats dry"
allrighty, it's an oldie but a classic..... A string walks into a saloon and the bartender says: [color=sienna]"Hey, we don't server your kind in here."[/color] So the string leaves, then gets himself all tangled up and rough around the edges. He returns, and the bartender says: [color=sienna]"Aren't you the same string I just kicked out of here?"[/color] And the string replies..... [color=darkorange]"Nope, A Frayed Knot"[/color] :D :D :naughty:
Three Cowboys Three cowboys are sitting around a campfire, out on a lonesome prarie, each with the bravado for which cowboys are famous. A night of tall tales begins. The first one says, "I must be the meanest, toughest cowboy there is. Why, just the other day a bull got loose in the corral and gored six men before I wrestled it to the ground by the horns with my bare hands."
The second cowboy can't stand to be bested. "Why that's nothing. I was walking down the trail yesterday and a fifteen-foot rattlesnake slid out from under a rock and made a move for me. I grabbed that snake with my bare hands, bit its head off and sucked the poison down in one gulp. And I'm still here today."
The third cowboy remained silent, silently stirring the coals with his penis.
A ventriloquist cowboy walked into town and saw a rancher sitting on his porch with his dog: Cowboy: "Hey, cool dog. Mind if I speak to him?"
Rancher: "This dog don't talk!"
Cowboy: "Hey dog, how's it going?"
Dog: "Doin alright"
Rancher: (Extreme look of shock)
Cowboy: "Is this your owner? (pointing at rancher)"
Cowboy: "How's he treat you?"
Dog: "Real good." He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food, and takes me to the lake once a week to play."
Rancher: (Look of disbelief)
Cowboy: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"
Rancher: "Horses don't talk!"
Cowboy: "Hey horse, how's it goin?"
Rancher: (an even wilder look of shock)
Cowboy: "Is this your owner?" (pointing at rancher)
Cowboy: "How's he treat you?"
Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking." He rides me regularly, brushes me down often, and keeps me in the barn to protect me from the elements."
Rancher: (total look of amazement)
Cowboy: "Mind if I talk to your SHEEP?"
Rancher: (stuttering, and hardly able to talk)...... "Th-Th-Them sheep ain't nothin but liars!!!"