Advice about child's attitude. 26 replies

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Nemmerle Forum Moderator

Voice of joy and sunshine

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#1 14 years ago

Hmm, how odd, me asking advice. Ah well.

Anyhoo.

There's this kid at the school I'm attending who I have problems with, the problems being he has attitude problems. The latest thing he did was when I was walking between classes and he decided to snap a lighter on in my face, (the idiot seems to think he's threatening.) He ended up jumping across the other side of the corridor for some reason when I looked at him, kid must be chicken shit or something because I didn't even punch him. Probably finds the idea of people not being intimidated by his size or the company he goes around with frightening perhaps? Meh, I go off on a tangent.

Now I've never hit this kid, never laid a finger on him infact - but his attitude is, somewhat reprehensible - and I'm seriously considering just getting him alone somewhere and beating seven shades of shit out of him. The problem with that course of action is ofcourse trouble with the the law is more than he's worth. We don't live in a perfect world and it's not one where we can use violence to solve our problems, even when it would be justified; but there's not a whole lot else I can do. We all know that schools find it next to impossible to solve their problems internaly and unless I could arange for him to commit an offence infront of a security camera there's not a whole lot that can be done from the law front either.

So I come seeking other options, what should I do? Just waiting until he tries something infront of a security camera (they're dotted about the school in various places) and then beating him up is the only option I can really think of at the moment. It's suspiciously tempting to do just that, surely he has it coming. But because it's tempting I doubt I'm thinking that clearly on the issue.




-DarthMaul-

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#2 14 years ago

Wow, im stupid I used to think you were 21+ish...edit(I never noticed your age either)

anyhow, I know what you mean, Ive been meeting people like them yearly in my high school and middle school years. It IS tempting to beat them up. personally to me it is not worth it. in america I guess its different? because we have fights every now and then...(yeah civilised people)...If it was over here he would have it coming for him from another tougher, and risk taking person..I personally dont want to have a referral(you have those I think..maybe under another name) and all this other crap on my school record and stuff.

I say just let him go...unless he really really really bugs YOU daily I would do something about.




Nemmerle Forum Moderator

Voice of joy and sunshine

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#3 14 years ago

I don't actually know what we get on our records for fighting in this country, if anything. Maybe someone who's dealt with the school system for longer would know?

Heh, yeah 17. I left it out of my profile because some people tend to consider your opinion slightly worthless if they know you're still young. Put it back in for a while and see how it flies.

If I'd gone to school for longer I'd just have taken him out in the lower years where it wasn't so important to continue at school and I'd be less likely to get chucked out. But for roughly the same reason I haven't been able to deal with this problem I doubt anyone else really will either. We're in the sixth form picking up our A Levels, I don't think that many people are going to jeopardise that by teaching this kid a lesson and the people in the lower years are, well they're in the lower years you know /me gestures somewhere around waist height.




Psychokenesis

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#4 14 years ago

It doesn't sound like too much of a problem, I'd excercise a bit of restraint.

But I would suggest making some noise if the problem is bad. You have to prepare for a confrontations. Give teachers and staff sufficient warnings as to the problem, as well as your parents.

Be smart, elliminate him without laying a finger on him. This is simliar to what is done in the business world. Create a paper trail. And make your intentions known without whining or threatening. Keep a cool head when talking to adults, they'll take you seriously. Even if they can't do anything untill he does, at least they've been warned.

Make it clear it's their job to prevent armed and violent conflict between students and the situation could easily escalate. I mean actualy tell them what you expect of them.

If it does come down to physical conflict I'd advise a defensive posture, No Holds...if you can avoid it. (can't tell you haw bad it looks to have someone in a headlock or arm pinned behind his back when the police or teachers rush up.)

If you're caught fighting you'll come out with more credibility than the person throwing the punches and you'll be in more control. Hopefully with less scratches.

Remember when police come on to a conflict they immediatly identify the aggressor...you don't want to be that person. And remeber...NEVER belive the situation can't get any worse than it already is.




Safe-Keeper

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#5 14 years ago

There are several ways of dealing with these things, but reporting the guy to your dean/teacher/principal should always be your first resort. I know it feels unnatural and wrong (trust me, I've been there:p), but it's their job to help and some of them actually have some experience at it after decades of doing it. Others, in turn, just suck:rolleyes:.

I've dealt with my share of a-holes, and there are several ways. I guess, though, that the best way of dealing with them if faculty and the good ole "just ignore them" doesn't work, is doing what they least expect.

Notice a couple of girls backtalk you when they know you're listening? Stroll over and be a bucket of joy, asking them in in a friendly way what they're saying about you. Pretend with heart and soul that you think they like you (make it a bit obvious you know they're not, though). Don't be afraid to "get physical", patting or even hugging them. The joy of seeing them pissed will be with you forever if you do it right:smokin:.

Guy sitting at his desk being mean to you? Go over and sit down on his desk, from where you casually continue reading/writing/whatever the Heck else.

Coming up with some smart replies might help, too. I knew this woman (who was also a therapist) who educated me at doing this, should I run into some idiot in the future. Some moron say your jacket sucks? Say that you agree, and that you wear it because you love him, and its ugliness reminds you of him. Crazy things like that.

But it all boils down to: Don't let it show that they're getting to you.

And so on.




Grimme

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#6 14 years ago

Is this the kind of person who just won't be reasonable, even if you try to talk to him? That's the best option, just talk to him, but play it cool don't moan or say something like "Will you please leave me alone! You are a great annoyance to me!" because that'll just make you come off like a poncy tosser. Just say "Hi" or whatever and ask if he wants something. What is it that he dosen't like about you? This guy must have some reason for what he's doing, is it the way you dress/act or the people you hang around with. Try and find out what it is and then try and talk it to him. If he refuses to even be mature and have a conversation with you, maybe you should be a bit agressive with him, don't fight him, but try and intimidate him. It may seem stupid, but as a last resort its not a bad idea and sometimes its all people understand. Is this lad fairly rough?




Sh0wdowN

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#7 14 years ago

Just avoid him -- walk around him if you see him, don't make eyecontact and try not to get his attention. I realize it sounds desperate, but it is a good approach. Also I would suggest doing what Saquist said about informing your teachers/supervisors. If, for whatever reason, you would encounter him being intolerable on several occasions, get him alone where no one's watching, and quietly tell him that you're fed up with his attitude, and don't be threatening, just speak as you would normally, and tell him that if he keeps up, you might not be able to restrain yourself.




Nemmerle Forum Moderator

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#8 14 years ago

I'll look into laying a 'paper trail.' Don't suppose it would hurt to mention it to a few other people who can be relied upon to spread things about in the right quarters either. Beyond 'try not to hit someone too hard or anywhere it would be too harmful' I've little idea how to fight without hurting someone. Though I'm looking into learning some less overtly violent forms of defence than I know at the moment that probably won't be available until May by which time it might be a null issue.

Negotiation is not something I think would work with this person. Everyone has reasons for things but not everyone knows what those reasons are. I highly doubt he actually knows why he dislikes me beyond the feeling itself. Obviously if just talking would make him go away that would be a good solution but I don't think it would really work. As I measure things he's not really 'rough', he does a lot of posturing and wordplay, trying to stare people down etc that lead me to believe he'd not be a great threat if it actually came to blows. (By and large if people are dangerous they don't go in for that sort of thing in quite the same way.) If you meant it in the sense of do I think he'd be likely to try anything, I think it would depend upon how much face he stands to lose or gain; you know how people are at that sort of age, their world lives or dies with their reputation and friends.

Walking softly, while something that I do most of the time anyway, doesn't work in this case. The incident I mentioned for instance, I was just walking down the hallway, didn't look at him till he waved a lighter flame in my face all of a sudden. Beyond that I'm not going to go out of my way to creep about the world just because I might bump into him.




General Rommel

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#9 14 years ago

moooooooooooooooooooooooooom i want candy...... mom i want candy! If you dont give me candy im gonna put a lighter up to your face and burn you.




Nemmerle Forum Moderator

Voice of joy and sunshine

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#10 14 years ago
general rammelmoooooooooooooooooooooooooom i want candy...... mom i want candy! If you dont give me candy im gonna put a lighter up to your face and burn you.

The social services are coming to take you away. :cya: