17th June 2002
Yes thanks. Those damn puppies had it coming, I'm sure of it. My conscience is clear!
I cannot sleep with myself at night, During most of the year I am an insomniac, I can't fall asleep before 6am or after the afternoon time. Even if I'm dead tired, I'll hardly be able to keep my eyes open or stand up but I'll still lie in bed and have no hope of falling asleep. Either that or just guilt and thoughts will fuel my body to stay awake. Virtually drives me mad, can't deal with it most nights, just end up going out to streets cause can't stand being inside or lieing in bed. It is largely from gulit, probably mixing with some sort of depression. Although I Haven't been so bad for most this year. I try to be at peace with myself and I do believe in redemption, sometimes doesn't really feel enough though. I've done alot of bad stuff in my time to other people, end up telilng myself wasn't own fault, just because of growing up in wrong enviroment and being a kid with wrong kind of people. But I know that's just an excuse which makes it worse, i've had things properly haunt me, some still do, when you can't help thinking about events and playing it over and over in your mind or putting yourself in victims shoes, even nightmares. I'm just not kinda person to be at peace withself, not until I'm satisfied that I've done my best in life and pushed self hard as could. I like what Mihail said though.
Snipes With Artillery
22nd March 2005
Yeah, I'd like to be able to have an "undo" button for certain actions of mine, but nothing major.
I am egocentric. Not only I am at peace with myself but I also love me! The thing is that I don' t sleep at night since 1992, but that' s my choice... Sleeping is a waste of time, according to me, you could do so many things during night.
i cant fall asleep easily no matter how long i been up just because my mind just keeps going and i just think of different things and different subjects of life, but thats why i watch TV to help me fall asleep, but for the issue of being at peace with myself, i dont think i am, isnt that one of the things that makes us human? well maybe not, we dont know what is going on in their brains, but thats all i feel like saying for now