Hello, one and all. Now that you are here, I hope that you will take the time to hear me out, and not instantly dismiss this post as hate filled ranting, something which, if I am completely honest, has been with me for this last week…maybe longer. The reason why I write this? Well to perhaps explain the cause of my attitude and actions recently, in the hope that you will understand and except this apology and hopefully forgive. I have had a difficult time recently. Around Christmas and New Year I reached the lowest point in my life. I was depressed, I didn’t care about anything. Well, anything other than this community which I loved respected and cared for as a member and as a member of the staff. I had no interest in my life. I wasn’t going anywhere. I didn’t ever think of ending it. I wasn’t suicidal. Thing is, and I hope you can comprehend this; I really didn’t care enough to think about my life or my death. I was indifferent. This period of difficulty lasted for three or four months. I didn’t eat; I wasn’t sleeping or going out. I shut myself off from the world. In fact, the only thing I did; the only thing which had a purpose was gamingforums. I think it was gamingforums which kept me going through all the things which I felt were going wrong in my life. Well, this period ended. I got myself on my feet. Took control of my life again and gave myself direction and a purpose. I got my finances back under control, took a good job and I’m slap bang in the middle of completing the purchase of my first home. It’s been a roller-coaster ride and it brings me to this point. My recent posts have been pretty bitter. I’m sure (in fact I know) I’ve pissed of a few people who I respect. For the sake of keeping this within one post I’ll not name any names. But suffice to say, there are people who I have a lot of respect for here and I feel as if I have abused that and also my somewhat unique position on the forums. Right now I have so much going on, and I… well, have you ever felt that you have too much to do and not enough time to do it? That’s me right now. The pressure is pretty full on and it is taking everything I have to deal with it. I suppose I have used gamingforums as an outlet for this pressure, and this is wrong. I have always tried to not let outside influences effect me here. It’s my refuge from the world, and I’m afraid that recently I have let them. Recently I have failed in maintaining this level headed attitude when visiting gamingforums. It is also in part due to the fact that I threw away my Administrator position so carelessly. I perhaps have acted above the law in some cases recently. It’s almost as if I have thrown off the shackles of responsibility and done my best to flaunt my status and piss as many people off as possible. For this I am sorry. Well, here’s news for you. This week I will be leaving the forums as I have to vacate this property and move. I won’t be hooked up to the internet until around the first weekend in June. I’ll make the occasional visit at work or at my parents, but it will be nothing like the frequency I visit now. Some of you will be pleased to see the back of me for a while. I fully understand that. Maybe a bit of peace and quiet will enable me to reflect better on what has happened recently. I need the break. Hell, I’m sure you guys do too. ;) When I return (and I will return), I’ll be assuming the mantle of Senior Administrator again. I’ve discussed my return with n0e and we at first decided to keep this news a secret. However, in light of recent events, I feel it is important to give you all fair warning of my imminent return (to sanity?). I’m not sure what will happen to the staff structure, it is something n0e and I will need to discuss at that time. Well, that’s all folks. Thanks for staying with me through this. The next few days will be hectic for me. I have to pack and prep for an interview. It’s all happening at the same time, and it’s happening so very fast. I’ll try to get on from time to time, to check up on things, but I’m going to be incredibly busy. Wish me luck, and I’ll see you all when I return.
Bye, see ya when you get back (to the internet).
I'm sure you will do fine, and good luck!!!!! :thumbsup:
7th March 2003
Hey, come here. Sit down and have a pint with me. It sounds like could need one. Round's on me :beer:
Azh, a few words before you go...
I don't think you have done any permanent damage with your attitude lately. I know I figured that the stress of working on your new house was getting to you. We all still love you.
I am overjoyed to hear that you will be returning as Senior Administrator! Maybe it is because you were the one who promoted me, but I was dissapointed that you totally resigned and were no longer a part of the staff. You epitomize what every staff member should be like.
It makes me happy to see that Gaming Forums helped you through a particularly tough time in your life, and I am glad to hear you are back on track. Don't be away too long, ok?
Good luck with the new house!
Well, Al(it's still weird not calling you AzH), good luck with your revitalized life. Reality checks are good, and it's good that you decided to make your own destiny. I'm glad you're doing well, and I'm rooting for ya! I don't know what to say, but thanks for being here for us, for GF. Don't forget about us either...we'll be waiting for ya here in June... Good luck, Zab556 Edit: Oh yea, I fogort...Congratulations on the good job and first house!
well since you are leaving ill just say a few words (god this sounds like a funeral) I understand what you went through months ago, we like to call it the GF illness:) I expierenced it before and the only reason it faded was when I got things straight and took one heck of a break.
Best of Lucks with your first house and im sure everyone will take the break when your gone, (and the little riots we always have when you're gone;))
Thanks for your kind words guys. "You epitomize what every staff member should be like." :eek: :confused: It will be AzH when I return.
well the first thing you can do when your an admin again is ban me. seriously. i need a good ban.