This is a topic I've been over with my friends on multiple occasions. I usually get the same two views. I decided to post a topic here, as I just recently remembered what a vast community this is.
Before I get started, I just wanna let everyone know a few things about me, as I haven't been around and I'm sure no one here knows a thing about me other than what they can look at in my profile.
I'm 15, turning 16 in November. I live with just my mom, who is struggling to find a job to support us, and we're having to dig into my "car fund" to help pay bills. At school, I'm not exactly the most social person, however I can make friends easily if they're the right kind of people. I have a couple BEST friends, a couple close friends, and then a few people that I talk to from time to time, the majority of them being girls (some gay, some not). And in case you're wondering, I AM a guy, haha. Because my parents do not have a college fund of any sort, I'm busting my ass off for the next 3 years of high school to try to get a scholarship so I don't have to worry about working my way through college. By working my ass off, I mean my Junior and Senior years, I will be taking a "full load" of International Baccauloriate (I butchered the word) or IB. I am extremely bad at Spanish, and will not carry that through past Spanish 3 this year. However, I will be taking IB Math, English, Science, and History.
I lived in a small town for 11 years of my life. Long story short, I moved away to a larger city, nice 5A High School with about 3600 students in it. I was able to clear away my nasty reputation and start fresh, making new friends, meeting new people, and getting different viewpoints on the same life that we're all living.
Now, onto the issue I want to focus on:
I'm not the type of teenager that wants sex. I'm not the type of teenager that walks around saying "Hey, that girl's hot, I have a crush on her and I wanna date her!" I feel that women should be respected for the value they have in their hearts and in their minds, mainly because I hate seeing women getting hurt (most of my best friends being women, I hear stories all the time that make me want to kill some punk kids.) I'm the type of guy that wants to find a girl that I connect with and could easily see myself lasting 6+ months with without it getting boring. I've found a couple of girls like that since I've been here. The main problem I have is finding out if they like me back, and dealing with rejection from someone I've put a lot of time and effort into trying to find out if they're date-material, or if they're just another conformist dumbass that'll end up sleeping with random guys they meet in bars in 10 years. This obviously takes time, and by that time, I enter the "friend zone", which if anyone knows, is the point of no return. Most of the girls that are the type of girls that I like and connect with would never date their best guy friend.
Last year, my Freshman year and first year in a new town, I met the girl that I could call my first love. Before you snap at that and say I'm too young to love, I knew her for about 8 months before I finally decided that I was, in fact, in love with her. She isn't exactly what I'm looking for, being that she's a "Jesus Freak" of sorts, and me being Atheist, it doesn't work that great. She's smart (came in #12 out of 1216 last year), witty, funny, pretty, and just generally, a girl I could easily see myself spending years upon years with. I've obviously already been down the road of asking her out and being rejected. I took it like a REAL man, and had a nice 5 minute cry. :). At this point, knowing her almost a year, I am perfectly fine with us being best friends. We trust each other, we talk to each other all the time, and it's just generally a great friendship.
Since her, though, every girl that's come along, I've always compared them to her. I've always thought, "Well, is she as good as ...?" This is an issue I've gotten over for the most part by now, but it still passes my mind when I'm judging a girl. Coming up October 10th is homecoming. I've already asked my best friend (the one I've been talking about), and we may or may not be going together, depending upon whether or not she really wants to go or not. I've met a couple girls that I would like to get to know better, and in more of an intimate situation. However, I won't get that opportunity for a while for 2 reasons. 1. I don't want to be the jerk and bail on my best friend because another girl said yes to homecoming, even though I'm sure she wouldn't mind it, I don't want to risk it. 2. I don't have a car or my license yet, so the whole going to the movies or going bowling thing involves having her parents haul us around, which can be very awkward sometimes.
I could start making a move on the girl that I'm crushing on right now. I need to find out more about her personality and interests before I do that, though. I'm also considering just putting it all off for a while, seeing as school is a huge barrier, keeping me occupied for 3-ish hours every night doing homework. I could put it off until I get a car, opening up the opportunity for me to be like, "Hey, want me to swing by your house and we can go grab a bite to eat or something?" That would obviously be a big help. However, I have not even felt what it's like to have a real girlfriend. My last "girlfriend" was 5th grade, and everyone knows that means absolutely nothing. Obviously, I'm getting a little tired of waiting for the right girl to come along, only to be shot down yet again and having to repeat the process.
Here's the question I'm presenting to you all: Is it worth my time and trouble to put all the effort into trying to find a girl worthy of a relationship? Or should I cancel all efforts, stick with friends, and try to enjoy the little bit of spare time I DO actually have?
I'm not exactly looking for a straight answer, as it is somewhat of a rhetorical question. I'm open to any comments, criticism, or suggestions on what I should do about the whole "High School Relationship" situation. So if you have something to say, I'd be glad to hear it.
Thanks to those of you who read all of this, by the way.
46 and 2, are just ahead of me
23rd September 2004
Sure, why not?
I mean, as long as it isn't some overly-obsessive and largely expensive relationship, you should be fine. School should be your #1 priority and possibly a job as #2, but if you find someone that isn't very needy, it's all good.
Well, I haven't been in a real relationship, so I also don't know what all it'd take on my end to keep it alive and well.
But yes, school definitely takes priority. I don't have a job currently, although I did have one over the summer. I may or may not get one later, depending upon how bad school beats down on me.
Most of the girls that I know that I could even remotely see myself dating aren't that needy, but there are definitely exceptions.
Just make sure not to fall victim to placing an over abundance of importance and worth on the relationship itself. Above all else try to forge friendships. You will likely be able to forge friendships in highschool that will last a life time, but you probably will not meet the love of your life. Other than that though just let loose and have some fun. I never really got around too much during high school but the few times when I was involved, or even starting to become involved with someone were some of the best time I've had. When they ended I just kept those girls as some of the closest friends I have, so things are still great. Just keep that in mind and you will be happy.
I'm way cooler than n0e (who isn't though?)
27th May 2004
First off mate, I got to congratulate you. That was an extremely thought out and well written post.
I'd say it's worth giving it a go, but don't bail on your best friend. There's a quote I read (probably on the tag of someone's msn name. :p) I'd rather be friends forever than lovers for a while. Which is pretty damn true. Stick with what you can, but don't be afraid to explore and probe other areas. Just remember it is high school, and not to take things far too seriously (social wise), teenage drama can mess you around quite the amount if you're not careful.
Afterburner: Yeah, I know what you mean. I've talked to people who put their all into a relationship only to have it blow up in their face, and having done all that work for nothing.
I definitely feel like the forging friendships route is the better one right now, but I guess it's not going to hurt anything to try for a relationship every now and then.
Flodgy: Thanks. I try to be as professional as possible with serious posts like this. In other random forum posts, I'm a lot more casual and stuff, but this was something that was required to be well thought out.
I'm most likely not going to bail on her, although I might sit down and talk to her about it and see how she feels about the situation.
Friends are more important than girlfriends. I know that, and I know for sure I would never put a girlfriend before a friend. I'll explore my opportunities, and see what I get out of it. If nothing else, it's more life experience, right?
I'm way cooler than n0e (who isn't though?)
27th May 2004
it's more life experience, right?
Exactly. Brilliant way to look at it.
While I went through highschool I fell for my fair share of girls, and each relationship I had I can look back on and recognise something gained from it. Best of luck bro.
Thanks man. I guess it's like the title of that one Paramore song:
"For a Pessimist, I'm pretty optimistic"
Prepare for the worst, hope for the best. That's really what I live by. As long as you know that failure or rejection is an option, it won't hurt near as bad if it happens. However, if the upside does in fact happen, you feel happier than you would have if you had gone on assuming the best will happen.
I will be taking a "full load" of International Baccauloriate (I butchered the word) or IB. I am extremely bad at Spanish, and will not carry that through past Spanish 3 this year. However, I will be taking IB Math, English, Science, and History.
IB and AP are money making scam. I took 4 AP classes, and that netted me 0 credits for college. I forgot everything that I learned in the classes. Don't kill yourself with hard classes. A 3.5 GPA will get you in just about any school you want to get into.
High school relationships fail %99 of the time. Out of the hundreds of couples I saw in school, only one had a real chance of getting married. There is no problem with dating and having sex in high school, just stay away from relationships. Wait until you are 19/20 years old. By that time the girls will begin to want a real relationship.
Calling yourself an atheist at 15 is a very rare occurrence. I did not meet a single atheist while I was in high school. That was either because there were none, or they feared attack over their views. An atheist dating a Jesus lover will never work. At some point the issue of religion will be brought up, and it is doubtful that you will be able to resolve your issues.
High school is a good time to take off the rose colored glasses. Keeping them on during high school will only making taking them off much harder. I did not take mine off until 11th grade, but after that my senior year went much smoother than my other 3 years of high school.
While a 3.5 GPA will get you INTO a college, you won't get a scholarship without a 4.0+ GPA. I don't care about learning that crap, cause I'm going to be a graphic designer out of college. I just need some way of getting into college without having to pay much, if at all, for it.
I understand that they fail. I understand that there is very little chance that I will actually marry a girl I meet during high school. Hence why I'm not looking for perfection, I'm just looking for someone I can see myself spending quite a while with.
Yes, I know it's a little weird to hear someone my age call themselves an Atheist. I don't believe I should go into the details here, but essentially, I don't believe in God for multiple reasons. I'm hoping we can just leave it at that.
I'm not sure exactly what you're talking about with the rose colored glasses, but I believe it has something to do with being naive and immature. If I'm correct in that, then I believe I have already started taking them off.