sex good two? 113 replies

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CBTF

Slightly cooler than a n00b

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27th August 2005

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#91 13 years ago

Haha. Id go with anxiety.




NuclearFieldMarshall

Lurking Mastermind

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6th July 2005

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#92 13 years ago

Originally posted by Briareos

Woe, woe, woe! Hold your horses! I never said I thought you'd never had sex. I meant that you'd never had his particular problem during sex. I understood your post completely the first time (exactly the way you just described it), and I'm sorry that you thought I was down-playing your experience.

Heh, no need to apologise. I probably shouldn't have lashed-out at you in the first place, since now that I've gone over what you said in the first place, I (finally) understand what you meant. If anything, I should be apologising to you. And so, I'm sorry.

Originally posted by testicle with legs oh and yes, she was abused as a child, and her ex bf's treated her like crap.

Whoa. Sorry to heat that! Man, that's just... bad (no shit, right?). Well, the only advice that I'd give is exactly what Briareos said. I mean, it's almost word for word. Just remember that you shouldn't be blunt when talking to her. Try to be sensitive and caring.

Originally posted by CBTF Haha.

Id go with anxiety.

A) Not funny, and B) did you read the thread?




CBTF

Slightly cooler than a n00b

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27th August 2005

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#93 13 years ago

A) Didn't mean it in a funny sense B) Apologies, I actually didn't see there were more pages. In the first page or w/e they were talking about things that may cause it and I thought that anxiety may be the issue at hand (from personal experiance). Apologies :nodding:




testicle with legs

PROUD CAMPER SINCE 1995

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7th April 2004

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#94 13 years ago

i am sensitive at times but i have a really low BS tollerance. if she comes crying to me i comfort her, but if its for too long it pissed me off and i tell her to buck up.(had a army dad) i am romantic but sometimes im just tired of feeling sorry for her.




-Ghost-

Phantom of the Forums

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19th August 2003

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#95 13 years ago
testicle with legsi am sensitive at times but i have a really low BS tollerance. if she comes crying to me i comfort her, but if its for too long it pissed me off and i tell her to buck up.(had a army dad) i am romantic but sometimes im just tired of feeling sorry for her.

You'd probably be best to contain/control your anger then, as she sounds sensitive, and getting pissed off at her doesn't seem like it would help.




testicle with legs

PROUD CAMPER SINCE 1995

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7th April 2004

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#96 13 years ago

i know that. its just anoying, she isnt the only one has has been through things.




Admiral Donutz VIP Member

Wanna go Double Dutch?

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9th December 2003

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#97 13 years ago

True perhaps but still not a reason not to show you deeply care about her emotions or how she feels. Show a little respect even when you personally think she should have gotten past it/something.




Covin Narcissus

Love is all.

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29th July 2003

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#98 13 years ago

That's kind of messed up; she ISN'T the only person who's been through those things, but it doesn't mean that she's capable of handling it like everyone else.

Instead of just sitting there and letting her cry, why don't you try doing something to make her feel better? Say something, "Hey, wanna go rent a movie?" or, "Let's go get some desert." Food ALWAYS makes me feel better when I'm upset. Maybe you could make her some hot tea, that calms people down, too. Then she'd be able to talk more and have a bit more control of herself.

It's horrible when you go to someone when you're upset and they just say, "well, gosh, I don't know what to say," you don't have to say ANYTHING, just keep me company!




DavetheFo

RogueDevil / Rogue Angel

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29th May 2003

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#99 13 years ago
LustThat's kind of messed up; she ISN'T the only person who's been through those things, but it doesn't mean that she's capable of handling it like everyone else. Instead of just sitting there and letting her cry, why don't you try doing something to make her feel better? Say something, "Hey, wanna go rent a movie?" or, "Let's go get some desert." Food ALWAYS makes me feel better when I'm upset. Maybe you could make her some hot tea, that calms people down, too. Then she'd be able to talk more and have a bit more control of herself. It's horrible when you go to someone when you're upset and they just say, "well, gosh, I don't know what to say," you don't have to say ANYTHING, just keep me company!

I find that hugging and rubbing back helps. Even if you dont understand what she has to say, at least try to, because a problem shared is a problem solved. (or was it halved?)




Briareos

Show Me the Study

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9th June 2005

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#100 13 years ago
testicle with legsi know that. its just anoying, she isnt the only one has has been through things.

I know it's tough, especially when it seems that she's so needy, and it feels like no one cares about your needs. Like you said you've been giving a lot, selflessly, for a while now. You may even be having the same conversation with her over and over again, which makes things even more frustrating because you feel like no progress is being made (which may be quite true). When you don't have your needs met (and not just sex, but affection, attention, and even being listened to), you start to feel unloved (or some varation of a feeling that she doesn't care about you). At that point it begins to get very difficult to feel pity for her. It may not change her behavior, but it is still very important to show her that you care, even if all you can offer is a listening ear. Has she ever seen a psychologist about her abuse? It can be a touchy subject to bring up (because people have bad mental images of the types of people who see them, and because many are prejudiced against them). My wife had to see a psychologist on three different occasions. The first one was a joke. The second one was great, but she wasn't ready to be open about her problems. (I went too, and I learned a bit about enabling behavior and a few other bad habits I'd picked up from my family.) We went back to the second one when it looked like our marriage was over. At that point my wife felt like she had nothing to lose so she was completely honest and open, and the visits finally paid off. Mind you, this was after three years of dating followed by eight years of marriage. It can take a while for people to change, as it's one of the hardest things in life to do -- to change yourself.