shy or just silent? 6 replies

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Geox

The Internet ends at GF

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2nd September 2005

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#1 11 years ago

Hi, I live in italy and I'm 19 years old. I've never expressed myself about this but I'm doing this now, probably because typing it is easier than talking about it to someone: I'm very very shy. I don't have many problems talking in a group but when I talk to a friend (even old friends) i can never make a decent conversation, that's because I'm always thinking about what to tell him or her. Maybe I'm just insecure (and this would be another problem) because my classmate made jokes about me in the first years of school even if this didn't make me shy. It all started when I moved to Belgium and changed school (It was an European school where they talked Italian in my classroom) I didn't have many problems there, but I made only 2 or 3 friends to whom i talked with no problems but i stopped talking to all the other... So I lost a year and I made just one friend in the new class which then left. From this point i couldn't find any new friends or girl friends... Thnx for the help...




MrFancypants Forum Admin

The Bad

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7th December 2003

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#2 11 years ago

Just don't try to think about what to talk, go with the flow of a conservation and jump at the topics that interest you. If you come across an "uncomfortable silence" it always helps to show some interest in the other person, a lot of people simply can't stop talking about themselves ;)

A bit more self-confidence wouldn't hurt either, for this I recommend my patent-solution for all problems: learn martial arts. Some other kind of sport might also do the trick.




Free

Night Life Minister

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6th May 2003

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#3 11 years ago
Geox;3518124Hi, I live in italy and I'm 19 years old. I've never expressed myself about this but I'm doing this now, probably because typing it is easier than talking about it to someone: I'm very very shy. I don't have many problems talking in a group but when I talk to a friend (even old friends) i can never make a decent conversation, that's because I'm always thinking about what to tell him or her. Maybe I'm just insecure (and this would be another problem) because my classmate made jokes about me in the first years of school even if this didn't make me shy. It all started when I moved to Belgium and changed school (It was an European school where they talked Italian in my classroom) I didn't have many problems there, but I made only 2 or 3 friends to whom i talked with no problems but i stopped talking to all the other... So I lost a year and I made just one friend in the new class which then left. From this point i couldn't find any new friends or girl friends... Thnx for the help...

Ciao, you live in Firenze or Toscana by any chance? Well, I was in a situation like yours something like a year ago: I kept moving house (made 14 movings in 17 years), I didn' t make any new friends in the places I lived in... At some point of my life I decided to send my parents to hell (since they were the ones who kept moving) and went to live with my grandmother in Milano and decided that that was my home. Of course I had to start all over again, it needed some courage, yes, but after a few motnhs I made some new friends since I gave myself the categoric goal to "find new friends" and spent 25 hours a day (I woke up one hour earlier) to do this. I succeded and now, a friend knows someone else who knows someone else and so on so I now have a large group of friends...

Oh, and try signing up due punto zero ( http://duepuntozero.com/ ), I met some friends there aswell...




SVD_Sniper

"Custom User Title" eh?

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23rd August 2006

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#4 11 years ago

It depends a lot on the situation. For example, go to a pub/bar. Alcohol lubricates conversation profoundly. Or if you have a common interest, home in on that and talk about it or do a related shared activity (like split-scren lol) togther.




Liquid fire

I pretend I'm cooler than AzH

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10th June 2006

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#5 11 years ago

I am 19 with similar sociall poroblems. I know how to flirt like mad and I get any woman I want to notice me notice me but my real sex life and relationships are zero....:lol:




Pb2Au

Droolworthy

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4th October 2004

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#6 11 years ago
GeoxIt all started when I moved to Belgium and changed school (It was an European school where they talked Italian in my classroom) I didn't have many problems there, but I made only 2 or 3 friends to whom i talked with no problems but i stopped talking to all the other... So I lost a year and I made just one friend in the new class which then left.

Then you unwittingly have the single BEST weapon in the arsenal of sexuality and popularity: a foreign accent. Trust me. It doesn't matter if you can't speak French/Flemish/Dutch (whatever the dominant language used in your school is) well. You have an Italian accent. People will forgive you as long as you make the effort to talk to them. There is absolutely no reason for you to be shy. You're out of place, but I believe that it's easier for an Italian to pick up girls and make friends in Belgium than for an Italian to pick up girls and make friends in Italy. It's the law of supply and demand: you are foreign. They don't see many Italians. Unless you seriously screw up, it requires very little effort to gain popularity from that. So start talking! Talk about Italy, what your friends did, what you ate, how you did/like school in Italy. Being foreign could be a detriment if you're from Mongolia or something like that, but you're from Italy, one of the single most romantic and idealized foreign nations in the non-Italian world!




Reno

The professional.

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22nd March 2006

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#7 11 years ago

This will sound weird, but it's worked for me in the past. Pay attention to something else while your talking to someone. If you can focus in on something else to think about you kinda go on automatic while talking to people. I have the tendency to over think conversations and be very very careful about what I say or potentially could say and I get the feeling I come off too PC when talking to people. On the other hand if i pay attention to something else I talk more naturally and come off more likable AKA myself.