Hi my name is brian joseph kory. I want to be a film director. I took a class in college , this is my 1st year in college. The class is telecommunications tv filming and editiing.
I suffer with ADD so please forgive any unclearity in this post.
In this class tv filming and editing I seem to have little respect from the teacher she doesnt seem to acknowlegde a future or talent in me yet. We haven't shown any videos to her yet. Our 1st project is due on monday. I have a good heart I hold the door open by instinct I try hard when I try. However even now after being on my medication for ADD I still struggle and say stupid things from time to time. My quiz scores are low and Im nervous and depressed.
In this class I am paried up with a poppular indy director who has a band and his own tv show and fan club.....
Everyone else in the class has far more experience than me. I can be a smart guy but sometimes I just come across as a fool.
I dont like to appear a fool in life. I can take almost anything but for looking like a fool.
However Im up against directors real directors like professionalls. Im a small cricket that the teacher just blows off even when I "TRY" to chirp in her ear.
She knows I have ADD. She treats me like shit and brushes me aside.
I want to do really well with my 1st video project. I want to knock her socks off.
I feel like I am failing college and life alltogether and this is my very 1st year of college.
Way to go looser....:(
Anyone with ADD knows how I feel.
I hate editing in the class. We dont non linear editing with super computers and it isnt easy for me. The teacher thinks Im stupid or something.
I believe I could be a good director and I always wanted to be one. If all fails though I think I'll settle for a police officer as my profession.:(
I do so bad on quizzes.
The other students arent afaird to try to do things in the class or speak up because they know everything from experience and I always am afaird to step up because I know that I cant because giants stand higher than 5 feet 4....:(
I want to do good I could do good but this editing stuff is so very challenging . The teacher treats me like I ask stupid questions.
Im lost Im so lost. I love movies and film. College is hard.
So much reading in college that I cant take too. I dont know what I need in life anymore but I know that I love film and still would like to do it if I can. My quiz scores and bad and *sighs*
I dont think my teacher likes me very much. IM SMART DAMN IT!
I come off as a fool a retard a idiot and a failure. My 1st project seems to be my only hope to prove myself and even now its David and the giants....or brian and the giants.....:(
Im not stupid Im a smart person . I just have trouble sometimes. Let me rearrange your chemicall balance in your brain and then we'll see how you function. I dont want to be treated this way.
No consideration for who I am and what I struggle with is given. Its all cut throat and basically "brian dont say stupid things" that come out of her eyes and expressions.
The World doesnt believe in me I'm just a "special boy" playing softball on the field to everyone. No one seems to believe that I can pitch a hard ball or throw with all my might and achieve something beyond expectations.
She hasnt seen my 1st project yet because we havent handed them in yet but she doesnt seem to have any faith or interest in me. Its embarassing and disapointing for me to feel this way when she has been teaching for so many years and she can look at me like that.
She doesnt seem to believe or think that I can make it far. I know that I could though I know it. Im not as bad off as she thinks.:bawl: :(
I don't know what to do anymore.....:(
29th November 2003
Cheer up, it isn't all that bad if you don't become a director, remember that dream is very hard to reach, don't do anything stupid if you can't. :)
BTW, have you consulted your doctor about your problems, perhaps you could get some pills to help you study?
guess who's baackkkk....
31st July 2006
physcology could hlp with your depression...just don't pull a Cobain on us.
Inner Demonphyscology could hlp with your depression...just don't pull a Cobain on us.
I didnt think that I sounded that mentall. This is a reasonable issue to be upset about. Thanks anyways but I dont think Im feeling that horrible enough to do something like that.
I just feel this way right now, I didnt mean to say that I feel like Im going to hang myself. Its not that bad if I made it sound that way I apologize.
If you cant say anything about my real life problems I mentioned here then please dont post at all.
10th April 2006
Ouch, tough situation. I'm not one to help with depression, I myself am depressed a lot. However, I do know that there are a couple people here who do Movie stuff. Try asking on the Graphics Forum if you need some help with a project. I'm sure someone could help.
Just don't do anything rational you here?
darkcloneOuch, tough situation. I'm not one to help with depression, I myself am depressed a lot. However, I do know that there are a couple people here who do Movie stuff. Try asking on the Graphics Forum if you need some help with a project. I'm sure someone could help.
Just don't do anything rational you here?
This seems to be a nice community. Im just a little depressed though guys . Dont start with any labels or anything here ok?
I didnt mean to freak you guys out or to make a sour image of myself here.:)
Im just an emotionall guy, artist, actor , person type. I'll be ok though. Sometimes I just go overboard in each direction with my feelings. I wont hurt myself though. I have too good a head on my shoulders for that.
Just imagine being in a college class with a dead line that professionalls that are students in your class will probabally reach but you with no experience and with ADD that sturggles a little will have a hard time doing so...see its a little stressfull as it would be for anyone....
Sometimes you just need to hear others opinions on how you feel, ya know?
Baised on these responses I see that I was probabally too worked up or that I should use those feelings more constructively. I just needed to hear what I sound like now so that on a normall day I could laugh at it.
Thanks. Im ok.
I didn't make it!
There are only two groups of people who can disresepct and degrade you. You, and those who you give that power to. If you don't let people talk you down, if you just ignore them or confront them, then they have no power over you.
Also just remember that some of the most important and succesful people have had learning disabilities, among them Albert Einstein, Steve McQueen, Eddie Rickenbacker, and Winston Churcill. It is only your willpower and fortitude which decide your place in life, not what others classify you as.
I chose an eternity of this
6th January 2005
Sometimes you can't really do anything in situations when you feel really down, and just have to let it pass. I hope you can find something that helps you, but if you don't, rest assured that better times will come