What should I do? 8 replies

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*The.Doctor

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#1 10 years ago

I need some advice about a situation I'm in with a girl at work. First off though, this is not a "how do i get her" or "how to make her like me" or "how to ask her out" or any of those kind of threads. I already know her very well, but I'm not sure what i should do with what I've just found out.

We've been talking regularly (at work) for the past 5 or 6 months, we talked almost every time we seen each other, and even got in trouble for talking to much. We just connected you could say. When we really start talking, we just seem to get lost in the conversation. She broke up with her boyfriend in that time, and from what I've been told, became interested in me. Of course, i didn't pick up on the signs right away. We flirted a lot, always smiled at each other, lots of jokes, some touching ect.. She told me everything, even personal stuff that nobody else knows. But i never asked her out because of the age difference, i won't go into exactly numbers as i feel age is just a number and doesn't tell you anything about a persons level of maturity and experiences, or what people are right for each other, but it is big enough that i was questioning whether she actually liked me "that way". It turns out that was a mistake.

We've slowly been talking less lately, but we still always smile at each other, and when we see each other or talk now, we still look each other deep in the eyes like there is still something there. I still catch her glancing my way. There were a few weeks that we hardly talked at all, but that was because of how i was feeling about stuff happening outside of work (we work together, and see each other everyday), after that is when we started talking less.

A few weeks ago she started seeing some guy, but i don't know how serious it is yet. She never actually called him her "boyfriend", the most she said was "the guy i starting seeing" to another coworker. This other guy is usually just referred to as "He" or buy his first name if she happens to mention him.

I just found out the other day from one of her friends (who thought that me and her were already going out all this time) that she doesn't know why i never asked her out (i wanted too, but didn't think she felt the same), and that she wanted, and was waiting for me too ask her out. From what I've been told, she thinks its because I'm younger than her and wouldn't have been able to go to the bars/clubs with her (I'm not 21 yet) that i didn't ask her. No, it was not just the friend hearing things, this girl actually told her that directly. I honestly had no idea she really felt that way, and now she has starting seeing another guy, apparently because i never asked her. If i had known, i would have asked her out on a date a long time ago.

Other guys tend to flirt with her because she is very good looking, but that's not the main reason i like her. I like who she is, not just how she looks. When i see other guys flirting with her, it makes me feel jealous (yes, I'm man enough to admit it), left out, and stupid all at the same time for not saying anything.

I don't know what to do now. Should i tell her how i feel? Or have i completely blown my chances with her? I would feel guilty if i broke them up if they really serious (but are a couple weeks long enough to consider serious? Or have a real commitment?). I really like this girl, and don't want to hurt her. So I'm asking you guys, what should i do?




Primarch Vulkan VIP Member

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#2 10 years ago

Do you love her? Do wish to be in her embrace? Go after her, get her if you are in true love. Put your heart on the line, your heart may be broken but it can mend.

Age has nothing to do with love whatsoever. Go talk to her, tell her the reasons why you thought she didn't want to go out with her.

I had the same issues like you do. I use to flirt and hit on this one lady which was prefect for me. Yet I shied away from it, for I thought it was harmless flirting. I was wrong her friend told me "Steven where’s your manhood? She wanted to go out with but she was tired of waiting for you to make the move douche"

Years later I still look back on that day that I lost my chance with her...However she's in my arms now.


[color=#000000][size=2][b][i]Heralds of the coming doom, Like the cry of the Raven, we are drawn, This oath of war and vengeance, On a blade of exalted iron sworn, With blood anointed swords



Mr. Matt VIP Member

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#3 10 years ago
Apollo75;4577300i won't go into exactly numbers as i feel age is just a number and doesn't tell you anything about a persons level of maturity and experiences

Uh oh.

If you felt the need to start a thread about it, and you won't tell us the age difference, you probably know it's too big. That's got nothing to do with maturity, it's more to do with people changing over time, having different interests at different ages, or simply looking for different things as they get older. In just a couple of years you could be a completely different person than you are now. I've seen it happen before.

Anyway that's beside the point as you've stated that you don't care about that.

There's not much you can do now. She has a bloke, so she's effectively surrounded by electrified razor wire. Sensible people stay away. When the wire comes down (and it probably will in short order) then you can try getting into the field with her. Until then, respect her and her boyfriend.




Sgt. D. Pilla

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#4 10 years ago

I'm going to say completly opposite to Mr Matt lol In your situation, Sensible people go after the one they love before she does say 'my boyfriend', and before that Razor wire is electrified.

Sure, she maybe taken, but if she likes you, and is still with this guy, then if you say something to her about it, or make your feelings known, then whats not to say she'll be awake that night considering you and her current boyfriend.. "I like him more, and i liked him before I liked "Bob", and now I know he likes me..." Is more then likely to turn into "Bob, I don't think we are right for each other" and "Come here "Jill" I like you long time" WIth Jill being you ofcourse lol.

Age is not a limiting factor, but as Matt did say, If shes older then you, she may want something you don't want yet, or vice versa, which can cause a couple to split... Yes, lack o sex can cause that, or I should say Lack o Intamacy of anytime... No its not everything, but if you don't show any, either cause your not ready, or just don't want to, then you may aswell wave good bye.

I just grab life by the balls and twist till I get what I want... A chick at work broke up with her 1yr boyfriend, I've liked her for ages, Shes known it to, So I gave her a hug today in sympathy, and kissed her on the nose, which then went further... You can do a similar thing with your girl, even if you suspect she maybe taken. She can't hate you because she failed to make it clear she was taken, she can't hate you for trying. Isn't it the thought that counts?




Mr. Matt VIP Member

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#5 10 years ago
Sgt. D. Pilla;4577423In your situation, Sensible people go after the one they love before she does say 'my boyfriend', and before that Razor wire is electrified.

Yeah, he should have done, but it's too late now. The farmer's put a bull in the field with the cow and plugged in those fences. Apollo just left the cattle rustling for too long.

Wow. That metaphor's starting to get a bit insulting, huh? For the record, Apollo, I don't think that the object of your affections is a cow. I mean, she might be for all I know, but I've never met the woman. I think I'll stop with the metaphor now.

Anyway. Wait 'till she's single again. Tell her how you feel if you like, but I don't really think it's fair on her to tell her after she's become involved with somebody else. Plus, think how you'd feel if you were her boyfriend.




Sgt. D. Pilla

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#6 10 years ago

But she hasn't said "I have a new boyfriend" but rather is dropping possible hints shes taken. Until the unknown is a fact, it remains as such, the unknown, so she can't get angry for him acting on the unknown.

lol at the metaphor




Mr. Matt VIP Member

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#7 10 years ago

Sgt. D. Pilla;4577441But she hasn't said "I have a new boyfriend" but rather is dropping possible hints shes taken. Until the unknown is a fact, it remains as such, the unknown, so she can't get angry for him acting on the unknown.

lol at the metaphor

I don't know... if that's one of the same friends whom he's relying on to know that she is actually interested in him at all in the first place, then he should equally trust her when she says that the woman is taken. Otherwise it could all be for nothing!




Darth Taxi

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#8 10 years ago

Ask her out...nothing to lose.




Granyaski VIP Member

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#9 10 years ago

Well it is a difficult situation your in.... You say you really like her but the age difference.....with me at my age(15) no older than 18 and no younger than 13. But it is completely your choice.If you tell her it will make you feel easier and maybe something will happen however she may just reject you and if the guy finds out as well that will make it even more awkward between you and it's never nice to lose a good friend. If you don't tell her you may never have the chance to, but you don't know if she really likes 'this guy' if she does then you may just confuse her and make it awkward between you.if it was me I would just tell her so much easier and do not let the awkwardness get to you.