I just found out today that a really good friend of mine from the 8th grade died from a drug over-dose over the summer.
I don't know why I'm bothering to type this up, since I'm not very sad, I'm not even shocked - it's just bothering me.
We were good friends going into High School, but we quickly found our own groups and stopped communicating. Thinking about the choices I've made these past years - we could have easily remained good friends. Maybe I would've been able to change her? Maybe I would've been a different person then I am now?
I mostly feel for her family, and I can't help but wonder what her mindset was at the time and how her family is doing now (she was an only child, by the way). It makes me a bit sad when I think about how much she had changed and what a stupid decision she made that night.
I guess I just don't have any closer to what has happened - it really makes me think that I should have atleast called her, or something - but I didn't and now she's dead.
Life twists itself in cruel ways leading us often to question 'what if', but often this is futile.
It hapens very frequently after loss due to the people shock are in.
Its always a shame to have a friend die, especially at so young an age.
Aww, don't question yourself like that. It'll just end up making you feel worse. Last November one of my best friends committed suicide, and it took me a long time to stop asking, "What if I had been there? What if I hadn't been so wrapped up in school, and had taken the time to talk to him more that week? I'd always been there for him before, what if I hadn't chosen *that* week to be all distant?" Eventually I came to accept the fact that his problems were deeper than he ever let me know, and it's very doubtful that I could have done anything to change the outcome of that situation, no matter how much I would have liked to (though I still would have tried if I would have known what he was going through). It was probably the same with your friend. Don't let all those what-ifs bother you. It won't bring her back, and it'll just make you feel awful. People make their own choices, for better or worse. It's very sad that your friend made the wrong choices, but she probably still would have made them even if you had made the effort to call her. It's not likely you would have been able to change her, so try not to dwell on the possibilities of what might have happened...it's no good for you.
The same happened with a girl I knew from junior high and high school. She died about 3 years ago from a drug overdose at a recovering drug addict's house. She took some prescription medication that she thought was Tylenol or aspirin, except it was an overdose and caused a bad drug reaction, making her to become unconscious. The ex-addict guy who she visited didn't take her to the emergency room until two days later. That was after she'd stopped breathing. We weren't close friends, but she was always nice to me and friendly over the years, so I remembered her well. It could've been prevented.
President of Novistrana
19th January 2003
Simply put, that's the way the cookie crumbles, Life is all about how much are you willing to risk, since so many things can kill you in this world.
No, it's not really that I feel guilty, or anything. It's more of a thing of if we had continued to be good friends whould I have had the same fate as her? I thought about calling her a lot over the years to catch up on good times, that's why it was kind of odd to hear that she had died.
I've delt with death a lot in my life so this wasn't really that big of a deal (I know that's horrible, but I can't help the way I feel, I can't MAKE myself care) it was just a sort of strange thing.
I had grudges against her until the day she died - and then some!
Life can be a confusing, twisting, forceful bitch, and the universe is out to get everyone at some point, but it wasnt your fault....
I would die without GF
29th November 2003
The main reason that you find yourself not too terribly depressed over her death is because you have not been in regular contact with her through your high school years. You are now having the notion that, had you kept in touch with her, things might have turned out differently, which is probably true to some extent (I'm simply repeating this because I can understand exactly what you are going through and feeling).
However, It is not necessarily horrible that you are not deeply affected by death; I am more or less the same way. Both you and her family have my sympathy of course, but it is not something to dwell on for an extended period of time.
My advice would be to learn from her mistakes (fatal mistake) and to carry on with that lesson.