17th June 2002
:D Naaa... just trying to get Sheepeep's hopes up. I want to ask you about your telephone company. Are you satisfied with them? Are you paying low-low bills every month? Do you think they could give you more than they do now? Did you get a free handset when you first signed up? If you answered 'no' to the first two questions, 'yes' to the third one and 'no' to that last one, I think we can help you. Matt Empire Incorporated is now expanding it's already-massive base of operations. Remember the sheer quality of the highly dangerous, highly unstable, poorly made Matt Unit 6.2 DELUXE EDITION? Well, now you can expand your horizons with more of the same! We are now going to begin competing in the telephone industry. That's right, you can now get your landline through 'Matt Empire Fones 'n Shit', for the low, flat-rate fee of just £3 per month*!!! What do you get with a 'Fones 'n Shit' connection? - TOTALLY FREE installation**! - A free handset***! - A mysterious cook book detailing recipes for cooking scorpions****! We found it in John's basement! - Your very own dancing flower*****! What's more, sign up a friend****** at the same time and we'll let you have the first month ABSOLUTELY FREE*******!!! What are you waiting for? Join literally tens of other happy customers******** in the new 'Fones 'n Shit' family! Call 0800-WEC-UTOFF-URBOLLOCKS NOW for an information pack/smack in the face! Calls are charged at interstellar rates. You may be put on hold for an excessive amount of time so we can bleed you dry. Your calls will be recorded so we can take the piss out of you later on. [size=-3]*Not including VAT at, uh, 2727%. **You are required to pay a voluntary donation of £100. ***A handset is actually a can on the end of a piece of string. You can actually get a 1k internet connection through this piece of string, though we're not sure how or why yet, and it doesn't really do anything unless you connect the string to a standard phone socket. Which won't work. But it's still better than AOL. ****May be missing vital pages. *****Batteries not included. May be broken. May not dance. May be a hippo. ******REQUIRED for the string to work. Two cans required with one piece of string between them. Incompatible with standard telephony networks. *******You are required to pay a voluntary donation of £3 (+2727% VAT)for this first month. ********Customers are not actually happy. Two of them are dead, in fact, but still paying. Matt Empire Incorporated, Fones 'n Shit, and John are registered trademarks of Matt Empire in Mattikistan and/or other countries/planets/galaxies/universes/dimensions/forums. All rights reserved. You sold your soul by reading this. But you already sold it by using Microsoft products, so you're OK. No purchase necessary. We throw them at you. See side of pack for details (pack not included). Your statutory rights will be revoked.[/size]
Piercing the veil.
9th August 2003
Sounds like a brilliant offer, only that the Haidtech "Mk Peach" model is in development.
MattNo purchase necessary. We throw them at you. See side of pack for details (pack not included).
Do that and I shall shower you in peaches. you have been warned.
17th June 2002
You sir, are random. Here, have a randomnessy award thingy.
The cream of the crop
19th August 2003
hahahah poor sheep, this would have made his day if it was really about him! :lol:
GF is my bext friend *hugs GF*
21st February 2004
i feel like lovin.
sheepeep pwns the UK.
I take what n0e says way too seriously
25th August 2003
hey did you guys know that if you take eep out it's sheep............:nodding:
p.s if you can't tell i'm acting dumb
Voice of joy and sunshine
26th May 2003
Mr. Matt ***A handset is actually a can on the end of a piece of string. You can actually get a 1k internet connection through this piece of string, though we're not sure how or why yet, and it doesn't really do anything unless you connect the string to a standard phone socket. Which won't work. But it's still better than AOL.
sheepeep pwns the uk.