An Email I Just Wrote 12 replies

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Asheekay

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#1 5 years ago

Title: Regarding The Latest Assignment

Recipient: [email]writersinc2013@gmail.com[/email]

Body:

Here is a short article in reply to your demands.

While I was checking up for updates on my online freelancer writing account, I noticed I had received some feedback from an employer I had written a sample article for.

It appeared to me that this particular person had used my sample article for his website (or sold it to one) without ever paying me anything. It also dawned upon me that this person had no sense of linguistic impressionism, neither of art forms, and had edited, rather ruined my article by removing all the art forms I had employed, and had decorated it with such misplaced images, that even a halfwit monkey could not have destroyed it more absolutely. He had gone to post the seeds alone of the rosary pea (instead of the whole, or at least part of the plant), and only included a picture of the branch-ends of the calotropis procera. The tobacco, hemlock and bushman's poison were done no less horribly.

As I talked further to this learned scholar, I got to learn that this venerable nobleman wanted me to write another article for him, this time a news one. In case of refusal, I was threatened to be hung at the docks (pirates of the carribean style) and my poor little online writer account confiscated. And if I complied (and who wouldn't?) I was promised the priceless wealth of one complete dollar! Yes, a complete dollar, enough to buy a balloon and a candy!!! Well, not both of them together, but either one of them, of course.

So here I am, writing for my venerable nobleman, the star of my life, the dream of my waking eyes, the generous of all men on earth, and of course the very honorable and just! The source of this latest event on this old, battered world is my own poor experience, so I cannot cite any other sources.

P.s, if I might be as bold as to make a request, kindly keep your priceless wealth of 1 $ to yourself. If you try and beat up a kid and snatch his lunch money (as would suit a nobility like yourself), and add this one $ to that amount, you might get a packet of noodles or something. Or if the idea of beating up a child distresses you, you can always hold it firmly and shove it up yourself somewhere nature has split you. Good luck!

Additional note: I wait to get an update about grammatical and spelling errors in this humble attempt. Thank you.




Nemmerle Forum Mod

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26th May 2003

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#2 5 years ago

Rather archaic phrasing, old bean.




Ryojin

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8th November 2005

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#3 5 years ago

I approve.


Disclaimer: Personal opinions still not endorsed by Ryojin.



Silberio VIP Member

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#4 5 years ago

730.jpg


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Asheekay

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#5 5 years ago
Nemmerle;5713771Rather archaic phrasing, old bean.

Ha, yes. Satire looks best whence clad in antique.

My usual professional writing does not contain much archaic vocab though. Only a bit here and there, just for linguistic beauty sake. And perhaps unintentionally too, for 90% of my english reading material is from 140 or so years back. Doyle and H. G. Wells, that era. So it automatically shows in my writings.




Silberio VIP Member

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#6 5 years ago

I just don't really understand the context... Could I ask for some background about the whole thing? :p


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Commissar MercZ

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29th January 2005

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#7 5 years ago

He wants sugar.




Asheekay

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#8 5 years ago

lol. You could gather it all from the email I sent this idiot.

Well, I have an account on a couple online freelancer sites (odesk, elance etc) and this fella offered me a "higher than regular" payrate if I qualified to his standard. I was given to write about a list of anything regarding nature, so I wrote about 10 most poisonous plants, and sent him.

He whined about grammatical mistakes, editing my:

Flushed, red skin ... high sensitivity to touch and round ... delirium ... and then seizures lead the journey to doom.

To his edition of:

The first symptoms a victim gets are that the skin turns red and highly sensitive to touch. Then delirium sets in, followed by seizures and death.

And then he told me to write an article about any recent news story and cite the source. In case of refusal, he would complain me of "non cooperative behaviour" to the site admins. And in case of a deal, I would get $1 per hour, and he expected the news story to be finished in one hour.

You know the rest.




Silberio VIP Member

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#9 5 years ago

Aah, I get it now. I find the response more than propper. You should write it, but do so with a writing speed of 2 words per hour :A


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Silberio VIP Member

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#10 5 years ago

Propper as fuck


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