# Badge of Spam 40 replies

Mr. Matt VIP Member

356,105 XP

17th June 2002

33,631 Posts

#1 11 years ago
[COLOR=RoyalBlue]Badge of Spam Award[/COLOR]

The Badge of Spam is a new award, given to those members who complete a short examination to prove their spam mastery level. Those who achieve a 75% pass rate will gain the prestigious medal, which affords them with absolutely no advantages whatsoever. Supreme power is almost guaranteed*.

To apply for this exciting new award, complete the examination below and submit it on the back of a postcard. The exam is at a GCSE level of difficulty with similarly styled questions, and extra marks are awarded for those who demonstrate a working knowledge of the subjects at hand. Those who correctly answer 75% of the questions to the satisfaction of our examination board will receive the Badge of Spam**. Those who correctly answer 25% or fewer of the questions will receive a kick in the groin and a stern ticking-off.

Question 1 Mental Arithmetic

One train is travelling on the Birmingham to London line at 75mph. Another train is travelling on the London to Birmingham train at 25mph. The railway line is roughly 90 miles long and has very little in the way of debris or dead bodies on it. Assuming these trains maintain a constant speed, at what time will Ben get his pudding? Please show workings.

Question 2 Riddle

Riddle me this, riddle me that, Which of our members, Is a complete prat?

Question 3 Mental Arithmetic Question

Jupiter is roughly 70,000km in radius and travelling around the sun at a speed of roughly 13.07km/s. Venus is roughly 6,000km in radius and travelling around the sun at a speed of roughly 35km/s. Assuming these figures are constants, how many pies will George have eaten by Tuesday September 4th? Please show workings.

Question 4 Science - Physics

Bob has a bar magnet. Jill has a mercury thermometer. Mohammed Ali has three matches and a peanut. What type of advanced interplanetary propulsion system can they construct with this equipment? Extra marks for a detailed diagram. Question 5 Literature (two part)

Shakespeare once wrote, "to be, or not to be, that is the question you stupid f**king bastard. Not, 'can I have some pie please', you moron".

a) What are the philosophical implications of this question? b) How many pancakes can you eat in the time it takes to say this question aloud?

Good luck!

* No guarantee of supreme power. ** Will not actually receive a physical reward.

Ruley

The Resident Anime Addict

50 XP

9th December 2006

1,853 Posts

#2 11 years ago

1: 7:15 working: 3+2+6-6+3-6356256+445-56+5%+24 = 7:15 2: wraithcat working: einstein + coke = wraithcat 3: 5462546 working: (jupiters orbit speed - distance from sun) / (venuses orbit speed + distance from sun) = 5462546 4: see diagram expliantion: light the peanut, peanut go boom, forces magnet and thermometer into space, drags earths iron core with it, sendin the earth to another planetery system! 5: a: that shakespear got drunk alot... b: 16 (including syrup!) (note, i was hyper on coke so i thaught i'd give this a shot!)

Sunray

Naked under his clothes

50 XP

23rd August 2006

3,096 Posts

#3 11 years ago
Mr. Matt;3693253Question 1: Mental Arithmetic One train is travelling on the Birmingham to London line at 75mph. Another train is travelling on the London to Birmingham train at 25mph. The railway line is roughly 90 miles long and has very little in the way of debris or dead bodies on it. Assuming these trains maintain a constant speed, at what time will Ben get his pudding? Please show workings.

[COLOR=red]01:46:48[/COLOR] Want to know why? See below.

Spoiler:
First we have to work out the momentum that the pudding is travelling at. To work out the mass of the pudding the following calculation has to take place: f=d/dt(mv) so: m=(d/dt)/fv Mass = (0.02/(0.02x4320[no. of seconds]))/(1[COLOR=darkslategray]µ[/COLOR]N [pudding standard on national rail is rice pudding, giving 0.1[COLOR=darkslategray]µ[/COLOR]N of force] x 33.3m/s [Velocity = (((75/5x8)/60/60)x1000) compensating for track bend] Mass = 69.5139584 Mass = 69.5 g This allows us to work out the weight of the rice pudding dessert. To work out the time taken, we need to work out distance / speed [speed=distance/time taken] Momentum = mass x velocity velocity = momentum / mass V = p/69.5 Momentum can be worked out by working out the ratio of Ben's pudding's momentum to that of David's (on the other train). David's pudding must have a momentum of: Momentum = mass x velocity P = 69.5 x ((25/5x8)/60/60x1000)m/s [his will be the slower trin as he is travelling Virgin, not British rail] P = 69.5 x 11.1 m/s P = 771.45 g m/s P = 0.77145 kgm/s Thus the ratio of trains = 3:1 (75:25) Ratio of momentums is *?*:0.77145 so 0.77145 x 3 = 2.31435 kgm/s Velocity of puddings down the train (as stated before): velocity = momentum / mass Velocity = 2.31453 / 0.0695 33.3 m/s down the train Distance to Ben from the Food carriage can be worked out by: (Upper bound - Average time taken)/time (hours) (Upper bound = 77.5) (77.5mph -75mph = 2.5mph)/1.2 [90/75] = 2.0Miles between him and the Food carriage (upper bound) [N.B this is realistic due to the cutbacks introduced my the government to introduce all non-essential carriages to all good vehicles to increase the carbon footprint] Thus travelling at 33.3 m/s over 3000 m [2 miles = 3000m] must take 90 seconds (Ben is travelling at the end of the train due to being poor). However, standard length of a carriage means that there are 38 carriage doors between Ben and the Food carriage [76m standard carriage length, 3000/76 = 39, -1 because the food carriage has a dor to the engine]. Each door takes 5 seconds to open and so this adds 190 seconds to the overall time. 90+190 = 280 seconds to reach Ben. The Rice pudding does however need to be defrosted from -5 degrees celcius to 5 degrees celcius (For that cool refreshing taste you expect from those kinds of services) Time taken (s) = Heat transfur co-efficient x Surface area x change in temperature Q = 3.64 x 30cm^2 [rice pudding has an average serface area of 45 cm^2 but Ben is travelling economy class] x 10 degrees Q = 3.64 x 30 x 10 Q = 1092s Q = 18 mins 12 seconds. Thus 18.2 + 4.6 = 22.8 mins overall time from coming out of the freezer. If the train starts at 23:00 (deduced from the train being able to travel at 75 mph at a constant speed. No train could do that otherwise with the British rail network) then the train will leave at 01:24 due to delays. Thus 01:24 Ben orders his Rice pudding, and at 01:46:48 he gets his rice pudding.

More answers coming later when my brain solidifies again. I've probably done something wrong somewhere, but there we go. Please don't flame me for getting a calculation wrong. I might just cry. :(

Admiral Donutz VIP Member

Wanna go Double Dutch?

735,261 XP

9th December 2003

71,460 Posts

#4 11 years ago
Mr. Matt;3693253
[COLOR=RoyalBlue]Badge of Spam Award[/COLOR]

The Badge of Spam is a new award, given to those members who complete a short examination to prove their spam mastery level. Those who achieve a 75% pass rate will gain the prestigious medal, which affords them with absolutely no advantages whatsoever. Supreme power is almost guaranteed*.

To apply for this exciting new award, complete the examination below and submit it on the back of a postcard. The exam is at a GCSE level of difficulty with similarly styled questions, and extra marks are awarded for those who demonstrate a working knowledge of the subjects at hand. Those who correctly answer 75% of the questions to the satisfaction of our examination board will receive the Badge of Spam**. Those who correctly answer 25% or fewer of the questions will receive a kick in the groin and a stern ticking-off.

Question 1 Mental Arithmetic

One train is travelling on the Birmingham to London line at 75mph. Another train is travelling on the London to Birmingham train at 25mph. The railway line is roughly 90 miles long and has very little in the way of debris or dead bodies on it. Assuming these trains maintain a constant speed, at what time will Ben get his pudding? Please show workings.

When the Birmingham express hit the London Express train dead on in the end station. there will be lots of red chunky pudding like chunks for Ben.

Traveling speed doesn't apply to British trains, it's a hoax.

Question 2 Riddle

Riddle me this, riddle me that, Which of our members, Is a complete prat?

Me, for you tricking me into wasting my time here. Remember that.

Question 3 Mental Arithmetic Question

Jupiter is roughly 70,000km in radius and travelling around the sun at a speed of roughly 13.07km/s. Venus is roughly 6,000km in radius and travelling around the sun at a speed of roughly 35km/s. Assuming these figures are constants, how many pies will George have eaten by Tuesday September 4th? Please show workings.

One since it would take all summer to get the track cleared...

Question 4 Science - Physics

Bob has a bar magnet. Jill has a mercury thermometer. Mohammed Ali has three matches and a peanut. What type of advanced interplanetary propulsion system can they construct with this equipment? Extra marks for a detailed diagram.

A spacecraft propelled on peanutbutter ofcourse secrelly involved in an Al Quida attack again science. Duh!

Question 5 Literature (two part)

Shakespeare once wrote, "to be, or not to be, that is the question you stupid f**king bastard. Not, 'can I have some pie please', you moron".

a) What are the philosophical implications of this question?

To pie or not pie. Pie matters. But only when it matters less more then most pie people matter the matter of this subject.

b) How many pancakes can you eat in the time it takes to say this question aloud?

Zero, I mean, nonnery. Since they don't have any ingredients in a monastry to make pancakes except milk.

Jackthehammer

You can either agree with meor be wrong.

50 XP

12th November 2003

16,767 Posts

#5 11 years ago

Mr. Matt;3693253

Question 1 Mental Arithmetic

One train is travelling on the Birmingham to London line at 75mph. Another train is travelling on the London to Birmingham train at 25mph. The railway line is roughly 90 miles long and has very little in the way of debris or dead bodies on it. Assuming these trains maintain a constant speed, at what time will Ben get his pudding? Please show workings.[/QUOTE]

This is obviously a trick question. See, at top speed a model 3354 Birmingham-London train will reach 88 mph. When this happens Ben will be traveling back in time. So by taking the train, he'll never get home again and therefor not eat the pudding waiting in his fridge.

Mr. Matt;3693253 Question 2 Riddle

Riddle me this, riddle me that, Which of our members, Is a complete prat?

Please show workings.[/QUOTE] Yet another trick question, because this person is staff, and therefor not considered a member. Then taking the well known formula for calculating evil will show further progress:

So, now it's a she, and staff.

After that we see that penguins don't actually like pudding, so there's no logical explaination for this question.

Mr. Matt;3693253 Question 3 Mental Arithmetic Question

Jupiter is roughly 70,000km in radius and travelling around the sun at a speed of roughly 13.07km/s. Venus is roughly 6,000km in radius and travelling around the sun at a speed of roughly 35km/s. Assuming these figures are constants, how many pies will George have eaten by Tuesday September 4th? Please show workings.

Using a simple formula:

We don't even have to use 15 little chinese boys locked in a treehouse to calculate that it will take 64 apple pies, and because of size difference 107 meat pies. May anyone be interested, I've calculated another 17 sorts of pie. Answers including the workings and a free monkey can be obtained by sending a pre-stamped envelope with a nice smell to:

Pi-calculations Inc. doughstreet 22 3,14 PI Arnhem

[QUOTE=Mr. Matt;3693253]Question 4 Science - Physics

Bob has a bar magnet. Jill has a mercury thermometer. Mohammed Ali has three matches and a peanut. What type of advanced interplanetary propulsion system can they construct with this equipment? Extra marks for a detailed diagram.

A Lada: If they were to have a few pounds of uncut cocaine, it would've been even faster then 5,7 Bugatti Veyrons. [QUOTE=Mr. Matt;3693253] Question 5 Literature (two part)

Shakespeare once wrote, "to be, or not to be, that is the question you stupid f**king bastard. Not, 'can I have some pie please', you moron".

a) What are the philosophical implications of this question? b) How many pancakes can you eat in the time it takes to say this question aloud?

a) Because Shakespear was a Dutch Arab, you have to read the lines backwards, it will then say: norom uoy' esaelp eip emos evah I nac' toN` dratsab gnikcuf diputs uoy noitseuq taht' eb it ton ro' eb ot.

Translated from Ancient Dutch, it then sais: "No thanks, I have a hang-over"

b) Including those 2 squirrels, I count 4,5.

Guest

I didn't make it!

0 XP

#6 11 years ago

The answer to each and everyone on of those questions is quite simple; 42.

Jackthehammer;3693527

Quite coincidentally we are currently doing double angle relations in class.

rebornintheglory

keyboard warrior

50 XP

20th January 2006

22,190 Posts

#7 11 years ago
Mr. Matt;3693253
[COLOR=RoyalBlue]Badge of Spam Award[/COLOR]

The Badge of Spam is a new award, given to those members who complete a short examination to prove their spam mastery level. Those who achieve a 75% pass rate will gain the prestigious medal, which affords them with absolutely no advantages whatsoever. Supreme power is almost guaranteed*.

To apply for this exciting new award, complete the examination below and submit it on the back of a postcard. The exam is at a GCSE level of difficulty with similarly styled questions, and extra marks are awarded for those who demonstrate a working knowledge of the subjects at hand. Those who correctly answer 75% of the questions to the satisfaction of our examination board will receive the Badge of Spam**. Those who correctly answer 25% or fewer of the questions will receive a kick in the groin and a stern ticking-off.

Question 1 Mental Arithmetic

One train is travelling on the Birmingham to London line at 75mph. Another train is travelling on the London to Birmingham train at 25mph. The railway line is roughly 90 miles long and has very little in the way of debris or dead bodies on it. Assuming these trains maintain a constant speed, at what time will Ben get his pudding? Please show workings.

Question 2 Riddle

Riddle me this, riddle me that, Which of our members, Is a complete prat?

Question 3 Mental Arithmetic Question

Jupiter is roughly 70,000km in radius and travelling around the sun at a speed of roughly 13.07km/s. Venus is roughly 6,000km in radius and travelling around the sun at a speed of roughly 35km/s. Assuming these figures are constants, how many pies will George have eaten by Tuesday September 4th? Please show workings.

Question 4 Science - Physics

Bob has a bar magnet. Jill has a mercury thermometer. Mohammed Ali has three matches and a peanut. What type of advanced interplanetary propulsion system can they construct with this equipment? Extra marks for a detailed diagram. Question 5 Literature (two part)

Shakespeare once wrote, "to be, or not to be, that is the question you stupid f**king bastard. Not, 'can I have some pie please', you moron".

a) What are the philosophical implications of this question? b) How many pancakes can you eat in the time it takes to say this question aloud?

Good luck!

* No guarantee of supreme power. ** Will not actually receive a physical reward.

...you know I'd really love to but I just can't be bothered. :clueless:

Mr. Matt VIP Member

356,105 XP

17th June 2002

33,631 Posts

#8 11 years ago
rebornintheglory;3693823...you know I'd really love to but I just can't be bothered. :clueless:

That's OK. I think I wrote that while I was drunk at work earlier. I have no intention of reading the answers, at least not until the next time I'm drunk anyway (probably tomorrow at work). Alcohol is the sauce of my power after all.

Ha! See what I did there, with the sauce? Ah shut the hell up, I'm wasted here.

Captain Fist

DEUS LO VULT

113,265 XP

17th December 2005

10,629 Posts

#9 11 years ago

Math is Evil.

Mr. Matt VIP Member

356,105 XP

17th June 2002