will world war 3 begin in this year ?
17th June 2002
I have been to the future, and I know how events will transpire.
World War Three will begin on February 16, 2009. At 0934 hours GMT, the entire Internet will shut down. Angered at being unable to access pornography through a free and secretive medium, a German named Frederik Herrmann, aged 36 and living in eastern London, murders Charlie Smith, who he believes to be a prolific spammer. Before being arested by the Metropolitan Police he will broadcast a message over pirate radio signals claiming that it is spammers who have caused the downfall of the World Wide Web by using up too much bandwidth, and after proclaiming himself to be a figurehead of the 'KILL THE SPAMMERS LEAGUE', urges the whole of humanity to take action against anybody who remotely smells like Spam. Upon his arrest, in the midst of the broadcast, he will shoot himself in the head and become a martyr.
The reaction from the press and the general public is virtually unanimous - hundreds of millions of men without porn will storm out into the streets in stained clothing and begin rounding up anybody who they think is a spammer. As people are rounded up and placed into makeshift cells, nicknamed 'Junk Mail folders', the governments of the world call for immediate action against any country thought to be harbouring spammer cells.
In response, the French government informs the rest of the world that they are 'le cretins' and seals their borders, confident that their domestic print media can satisfy the porn vacuum. The Swiss call for a diplomatic conference in Geneva to try and work out a non-violent solution to the problem. Meanwhile the United States of America, without warning or provocation, launch twenty nuclear missiles at Russia, a country they claim is harbouring and even supporting spammers. The Russian Federation is badly hit, as the missiles will impact with several major cities and some of their most important server farms, and launch their own salvo at America in retaliation - unfortunately, the ageing technology included in their missiles still navigates using a world map of Pangea, and the missiles all hit China. It will take almost two weeks for China to notice, as its enormous population is barely affected.
China's retaliation will be the most devastating of all however - all World of Warcraft gold sales to the rest of the world will be halted (World of Warcraft will continue to run even after the Internet dies, through means Blizzard will only cite as 'magical'), and the Chinese government will issue a statement claiming that they will no longer manufacture crappy plastic toys for Western children.
Both the United States and Russia will accuse China of harbouring spammers and actively helping them to destroy the Internet and thus their primary source of pornography. A full-scale nuclear war ensues, destroying virtually every developed country on the planet and leaving a scant few survivors, mutated by radiation. Only spammers, hiding deep in their mother's basements, will remain untouched, and they will inheret the Earth.
All of this transpires in less than two months.
World War Three will begin on February 16, 2009. At 0934 hours GMT
Isn't that the digital switch?
I think it'll be the Germans again, third time's the charm. It'll probably start with a "that's what she said joke" gone horribly wrong.
wanna bet it's a knock knock one, knock knock who's there? supah nuke!
Dollar plummets to half it's value and gov't keeps flooding U.S. with money and incentive packages. This will start WW3. If the U.S. ain't happy, we're gonna go hurt someone!!
You win fucking craziest advert (cover) of the year award. Congratulations.
I might browse your store if it has nukes and fall-out shelters. Also anime.
I have seen the Gates of the Internet, beyond which no waking eye may see. Behold, in darkness, as doom sweeps the land. This is the 14th of January, the year of Astronomy, 2009.
Cookie's to whoever figures that one out.
I would also like to add a large collection of scientific materials to my list. Also a lot of tornado videos.
I'm thinking the energy crisis will probably be the cause of the next world war.