Full Metal Jacket - The Intro 5 replies

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Revenge VIP Member

Shizzle my nizzle

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28th July 2004

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#1 13 years ago
Spoiler: Show
FULL METAL JACKET: INTRODUCTION

Commander: I am Gunnery Sergeant Harkman, your senior drill instructor. From now on you will speak only when spoken to, and the first and last words out of your filthy sewers will be sir. Do you maggots understand that?

Men: Sir, yes Sir!

Commander: BULL SHIT! I can’t here you! Sound off like you’ve got a pair!

Men: SIR, YES SIR!

Commander: If you ladies leave my island, if you survive recruit training, you will be a weapon. You will be a minister of death, praying for war. But until that day, you will be putes. You are the lowest form of life on Earth. You’re not even a Human fucking Being. You are nothing but unorganised grabastic pieces of amphibian shit. Because I am hard, you will not like me. But the more you hate me the more you will learn. I am hard but I am fair. There is no religious bigotry here. I do not look down on ******s, kites, wasp or dreasers. Here you are all equally worthless. And my orders are to weed out all not-hackers who do not pack the gear to serve in my beloved corps. Do you maggots understand that?

Men: Sir, yes Sir!

Commander: BULLSHIT! I can’t hear you!

Men: SIR, YES SIR!

(Walks up to Private 1)

Commander: What’s your name, scumbag?

Private 1: Sir Private Brown, sir!

Commander: Bullshit! From now on you are Private Snowball. Do you like that name?

Private 1: SIR, YES SIR!

Commander: Well there’s one thing that you won’t like, Private Snowball – They don’t serve fried chicken and watermelon on a daily basis in my mell hall!

Private 1: Sir, yes Sir!

Private 2: Is that you, John Wayne? Is this me?

Commander: Who said that? WHO THE FUCK SAID THAT? Who’s the slimy little cupboard of shit twinkle toes cock sucker down here, who just signed his own death warrant? Nobody huh? The fairy fucking godmother said it! I’ll fucking stand here. I’ll P.T. you all until you fucking die! I’ll P.T. you until your assholes are sucking buttermilk Was it you, you scrangy little fuck, huh?

Private 3: SIR, NO SIR!

Commander: You piece of shit, you look like a fucking worm! I’ll bet it was you.

Private 3: SIR, NO SIR!

Private 2: Sir, I said it Sir!

Commander: Well, no shit. What have we got here? A fucking comedian. Private Joker, I admire your honesty. Hell I like you. You can come over to my house and fuck my sister! (Hits him)

YOU LITTLE SCUM BAG. I GOT YOUR NAME! I GOT YOUR ASS! YOU WILL NOT LAUGH! YOU WILL NOT CRY! YOU WILL LEARN BY THE NUMBERS I WILL TEACH YOU. NOW! GET UP! GET ON YOUR FEET! (Gets up) You had best un-fuck yourself or I will unscrew your head and shit down your neck!

Private 2: Sir, yes Sir!

Commander: Private Joker, why did you join my beloved corps?

Private 2: Sir, to kill Sir!

Commander: So you’re a killer?

Private 2: Sir, yes Sir!

Commander: Lemme see your war face!

Private 2: Sir?

Commander: You got a war face? AAAAGGGGHHH! That’s a war face! Now lemme see your war face!

Private 2: AAARRGGGHH!

Commander: BULLSHIT! You don’t convince me. Lemme see your real war face!

Private 2: AAARRGGGHH!

Commander: You don’t scare me. Work on it!

Private 2: Sir, yes Sir!

(Walks up to Private 3)

Commander: What’s your excuse?

Private 3: Sir, excuse for what Sir?

Commander: I’m asking the fucking questions here, Private! Do you understand?

Private 3: Sir, yes Sir!

Commander: Well thank you very much. Can I be in charge for a while?

Private 3: Sir, yes Sir!

Commander: Are you shook up? Are you nervous?

Private 3: Sir, I am Sir!

Commander: Do I make you nervous?

Private 3: Sir?

Commander: Sir what? Were you about to call me an asshole?

Private 3: Sir, no Sir!

Commander: How tall are you, private?

Private 3: Sir, 5ft 9 Sir!

Commander: 5ft 9. I didn’t know they stacked shit that high. You trying to squeeze an inch in on me somewhere, huh?

Private 3: Sir, no Sir!

Commander: BULLSHIT! To me it looks like the best part of you ran down the crack of your mamma’s ass and ended up a brown stain on the mattress. I think you’ve been cheated. Where in the hell are you from anyway, Private?

Private 3: Sir, Texas Sir!

Commander: HOLY DOG SHIT! Texas! Only Steers and Queers come from Texas, Private Cowboy, and you don’t much look a Steer to me so that kinda narrows it down. Do you suck dicks?

Private 3: Sir, no Sir!

Commander: Are you a peter-fucker?

Private 3: Sir, no Sir!

Commander: I’ll bet you the kinda guy who would fuck a person in the ass and not even have the goddamn common courtesy to give him a reach around. I’ll be watching you!

(Goes to Private 4)

Commander: Did your parents have any children that lived?

Private 4: Sir, yes Sir!

Commander: I’ll bet they gripped death. You’re so ugly you could be a modern art masterpiece. What’s your name, fat buddy?

Private 4: Sir, Leonard Lawrence Sir!

Commander: Lawrence of what? Lawrence of Arabia?

Private 4: Sir, no Sir!

Commander: That name sounds like royalty. Are you royalty?

Private 4: Sir, no Sir!

Commander: Do you suck dicks?

Private 4: Sir, no Sir!

Commander: BULLSHIT! I’ll bet you could suck a Golf Ball through a Garden Hose!

Private 4: Sir, no Sir!

Commander: I don’t like the name Lawrence. Only Fagots and sailors are called Lawrence. From now on you are Governor Pile.

Private 4: Sir, yes Sir!

Commander: Do you think I’m cute, Private Piles? Do you think I’m funny?

Private 4: Sir, no Sir!

Commander: Then wipe that disgusting grin off your face!

Private 4: Sir, yes Sir!

Commander:……WELL ANY FUCKING TIME, SWEETHEART!

Private 4: Sir, I’m trying Sir!

Commander: Private Pile, I’m gonna give you three seconds. Exactly three fucking seconds, to wipe that stupid looking grin off your face, or I will gouge out your eyeballs and skull-fuck you! One! Two! Three!

Private 4: Sir, I can’t help it Sir!

Commander: BULLSHIT! Get on your knees, scumbag. (Gets to knees) Now choke yourself (Holds hand ready to choke the Private). (Private uses hands to choke himself) GODDAMNIT WITH MY HAND, NUMBNUTS! (Pulls hand towards neck) DON’T PULL MY FUCKING HAND OVER THERE. I SAID CHOKE YOURSELF. NOW LEAN FORWARD AND CHOKE YOURSELF. (Chokes)

Commander: Are you through grinning?

Private 4: Sir, yes Sir!

Commander: BULLSHIT, I CAN’T HERE YOU!

Private 4: Sir, yes Sir!

Commander: Bullshit, I still can’t here you! Sound off like you’ve got a pair.

Private 4: Sir, yes Sir!

Commander: That’s enough. Get on your feet. (Gets on feet) Private Piles you had best square your ass away and start shitting me Tiffany Couplings or I will definitely fuck you up!

Private 4: Sir, yes Sir!

Tell me if any of it is wrong.




Chiefy

     

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3rd October 2004

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#2 13 years ago

kiwipartybanner2wf.jpg




Ironass

Mmm. I touch n0e's Tra La La

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27th January 2003

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#3 13 years ago

I think its Gomer Pile after the andy grif show... I thihnk




perry07

I'm too cool to Post

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15th February 2004

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#4 13 years ago

pyle




Revenge VIP Member

Shizzle my nizzle

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#5 13 years ago

Is it pyle? Hmm...




Smitty025

The local Paultard

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24th May 2003

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#6 13 years ago

I think it Tiffany cuff links, not couplings.