Due to recent inverse upsizing over here at GF Times, we are in search of a new reporter. Requirements:
- Two and one half years', as of today, experience with GamingForums.
- The ability to ask tough questions
- No allergies to pies, kiwis, or peaches.
- Lack of comprehension between the differences of digital and "real" life.
- Must have graduated from a middle school, and passed at least four classes emphasizing writing, reading, and effective communication. Computer science courses teaching languages other than English such as "leetspeak" do not count.
- The opportunity to ask tough questions and receive tougher answers in return*
- Two paid 5-minute bathroom breaks per workday. Scheduled times depend upon alphabetical order of last letter of middle names of all employees in good standing. Employees not in good standing must use nearest window, in which case time taken is not paid
- Forum insurance garunteeing five (5) posts if loss of a database occurs**
- Pension of 25 reputation points per year starting immediately upon retirement***
To apply, please send a private message to: Jellybean of Doom! 76423 GamingForums.com The Internet Please include answers to four of five of the following questions: 1. What qualifications do you possess that would make you a good reporter? 2. Do you have any pre-existing non-specific medical normalities? If so, what are they, and do they affect your work performance? 3. If you were a PHP function, what would you be? 4. Which forum smilie represents you the best, and why? 5. Guess the answer to this mystery open-ended question for automatic employment. Refrences, while not required, are greatly beneficial towards your chance of employment with GF Times. *"Tough answers" from staff generally results in BDSM within a private forum used for their viewing pleasure. GF Times is not responsible for any damages **Terms of policy are subject to change at the discretion of human resources ***Must work for five years before qualifying
Due to [COLOR=silver]un[/COLOR]popular demand [COLOR=silver]expressed via the use of a rusty pitchfork[/COLOR], the experience requirement has been changed to a minimum of 300 posts. Posts made within the Spam forum, Shameless Advertiser, Leisure Games, and private forums do not count. Furthermore, 300 deleted posts do not count either, and any proof of such an "accomplishment" will be forwarded to the proper authorities with accompanying punishments left to their descretion.
Adeptus Moderatus We purge with chain and bolter
22nd May 2005
300 posts? Why not lower the forum age requirement with 6 months or so?
Do you still have an open position for a super-hero who thinks that working for a newspaper as underpaid nerd is the best possible cover?
Sovereign002;3994380300 posts? Why not lower the forum age requirement with 6 months or so?[/quote] The other people were more, uh, persuasive... [quote=MrFancypants;3994383]Do you still have an open position for a super-hero who thinks that working for a newspaper as underpaid nerd is the best possible cover?
I have yet to receive one application.
So, uh, are you hiring photographers for the GF Times?
No! I'm Spamacus!
17th June 2003
I'll volunteer as a photographer...
Necromonger;3994397So, uh, are you hiring photographers for the GF Times?[/quote] [quote=Ensign Riles;3994398]I'll volunteer as a photographer...
I would have to check with human resources and see our salary budget. However, illustrations for our articles would prove to be helpful for our younger audiences. Especially those who have slipped by COPPA.
I underestimated the vacancy left behind. We are looking for photographers, reporters, writers, and the like. Just fill out an application.
I've put in 10 years with the Federal Government, does that count for anything?
When in doubt, gas it!