hah, interesting story 4 replies

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Homer Gonerson

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21st December 2003

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#1 12 years ago

Happy Days By Dave Bergeman http://www.stevesword.com/articles/46/1/Happy-Days

Super Bowl 137 between the Sydney Roosters and the Cincinnati Bengals was just getting underway when Dirk walked into the living room of his flat. His hetero life mate, Ty, was just about to enjoy kickoff on his brand spanking new 3-D image modulator. “Ty, what’s cracking?” “Nada, just getting ready for kickoff,” Ty grunted indignantly as he took a sip of his chicken dinner. “Hey, did you pay the cold fission bill?” He enquired. “Ah, fecal matter. That bill completely slipped past my personalized life planning device. They’ll just take it out of you’re credit account I’m sure,” Dirk popped a few of his life sustenance pills. The red one was essential vitamins. The purple one was protein enhancement. The protein enhancement pill was his favorite because it made his hair glisten. The yellow one curtailed the growth of his neatly manicured fingernails. “Today I uploaded the latest installment of my cultural anthropology class.” “Yeah Dirk? You really haven’t mentioned university in a while. Those up loads can get really tedious.” “You’re telling me. It took me 15 minutes to upload that book.” Dirk flopped himself down on the air supported davenport. Everything was air supported. “I tell you I’m not going to mince words with the Dean of Computer Animated Learning when I put in my review. I didn’t even fall into REM sleep during the up-load.” A football seemingly whizzed past Ty’s head as he took another sip of his dinner. “So what did you learn?” “Oh it was pretty standard issue I guess,” he said as the Roosters picked off a Bengal’s pass, “Damn it I hate the Roosters. I was hoping that Copenhagen would have railed them in the southern hemisphere finals.” “I hear ya. That Brazilian quarterback of theirs is devious.” “Anyway. Some of the info was pretty interesting. Part of it was an ethnography of American society circa 2003.” “A hundred years ago. Wow.” “Ty, did you know that back then there were ‘love’ marriages?” “Of course I do,” Ty sneered, “You know that I took that class last semester. Are you trying to insult my memory chip?” “No, no, not at all. I just couldn’t believe that people would do something as stupid as attempt to build a relationship on love. I mean the new system works flawlessly.” Dirk was happy with the new system. Ty had recently entered into a 20-year hetero life mate contract with Dirk. Now Dirk got free neuro-net health scans courtesy of Ty’s employer HCT (Human Cloning Technologies). “Well I don’t know if you have got to the chapter on societal types, but they were a primitive type four culture back then. You have to cut them some slack, they still sanitized themselves with water for cripes sake.” Neutrogena’s latest ethnicity changer gel commercial was airing on the 3-D image modulator. “Thank god we evolved to a type six culture. Kinship isn’t an issue because the World Governing Body raises us all,” Dirk sighed. “Sex is the thing I can’t get over. What a primitive act. It was nearly the george bush of human kind. Since we don’t have to worry about sex, we can actually enjoy living with someone that we are compatible with. I can’t imagine life without the saltpeter hormone regulating pills. Sexual urges must have been such a drag.” Ty got up and tossed his dinner cup in the evaporator. “Honestly I can’t imagine that it could be so felicific that people would have wanted to risk having unwanted children, venereal diseases, and a life chained by an undesirable relationship.” “The bottom line is that people should live with people they actually get along with. I mean look at how crime rates have decreased over the past hundred years.” “Dirk, I think that advent of the World Governing Body’s omnipotent viewing eye has a lot to do with that, but I do agree that the world is an exponentially more sterile place.” “Exactly. Can you imagine living back in those barbaric times with all of those different cultures? The BBCRII was such a terrific moment in human evolution.” “Well I mean the second Big Business Corporate Revolution did unify world governing bodies and bring peace to the beleaguered.” Dirk shuddered at the thought of an African Village without a Best Buy, Circuit City, Tandy’s, or Radio Shack. ‘How did people survive in those times?’ he pondered. At that moment Roosters Quarterback Nene Hillario tossed an impeccably placed touchdown pass through Dirk’s abdomen and into the feather soft hands of all-world receiver Jimmy Smits. “Damn it this is going to turn into a route,” Dirk screamed. “Ty do you want a vegetable pill cock tail? I could throw some extra ginseng in it for a little pop. Go a little crazy you know?” "Nah, this game is over I’m going to hit the proverbial bed. I need to get at least two hours of sleep tonight. Tomorrow at work we are working on a clone of Lionel Ritchie. All the DNA I have to work with came from a double-helices extracted from one of his hair picks.” “Sounds like a winner. I’ll tell you how the rest of this debacle ends up,” Ty said. Then they all lived artificially and stagnantly ever after.




M!tch VIP Member

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12th March 2004

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#2 12 years ago

eh? did you write this yourself?

I THINK NOT!!!!

but its good anyway


Thinking about it.



Homer Gonerson

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21st December 2003

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#3 12 years ago

right at the beginning:

Homer GonersonHappy Days By Dave Bergeman http://www.stevesword.com/articles/46/1/Happy-Days



M!tch VIP Member

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#4 12 years ago

oops


Thinking about it.



Phoenix_22 VIP Member

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#5 12 years ago

:0wned: