Hey you 9 replies

Please wait...

Vantage

Proletariat Scum

123,875 XP

21st October 2004

0 Uploads

10,750 Posts

0 Threads

#1 9 years ago

You're looking a little rough there, guy across from me on the bus. Listen, here's twenty bucks, and I don't need anything in return. I know you're not homeless, and that your mom probably still gives you an allowance so you can keep buying bold colored tees from American Apparel and spraying them with big ironic lettering and half-assed screen printed stencils, but you are in dire need of my help.

But look, get a shave. If you mustache grows in like pubes, you probably are not one of the chose few who can wear one well. And clean your hair man. I know you think that girl at the bicycle co-op totally digs your dreads and "definitely" wants to pick up a PBR with you at your friend Mike's house this weekend, but I can see through her poker face created just to ward off guys like you.

And seriously man, I've heard that last gig you and your ex-girlfriend and her brother played at the old American Legion by the high school. Acoustic guitar renditions of rap standards went downhill after Ben Folds did "Bitches Ain't Shit." That was the apex. Even Pitchfork wouldn't give that shit a second listen anymore. Much less the dropouts who still grill veggie dogs on Thirsty Thursdays in that dilapidated parking garage you're always daring yourself to visit.

Please man, get yourself a nice wholesome girl. Three-inch plugs may make her interesting, but it probably indicates just as easily that other body parts have been mistreated by others amidst her crack-addict frame. Let me recommend you to my therapist. He's seen shit worse than this, as hard as that may be to believe. And please, be careful walking home. Don't stop in that salvation army, as much as you may want to.




Day_Man

Go home and get yer shinebox

50 XP

28th January 2008

0 Uploads

1,906 Posts

0 Threads

#2 9 years ago

Riveting_tale.jpg




Commissar MercZ

Notable Loser

300,005 XP

29th January 2005

0 Uploads

27,113 Posts

0 Threads

#3 9 years ago

pip pip, cherio!




Guest

I didn't make it!

0 XP

 
#4 9 years ago

Folks, Id like to sing a song about the American Dream About me, about you About the way our American hearts beat way down in the bottom of our chests About that special feeling we get in the cockles of our hearts Maybe below the cockles, Maybe in the sub cockle area, Maybe in the liver, maybe in the kidneys, Maybe even in the colon, we dont know

Im just a regular Joe, with a regular job Im your average white, suburbanite slob I like football and porno and books about war I got an average house, with a nice hardwood floor My wife and my job, my kids and my car My feet on my table, and a Cuban cigar

But sometimes that just aint enough to keep a man like me interested (oh no, no way, uh uh) No I gotta go out and have fun at someone elses expense (woah yeah, yeah yeah, yeah yeah yeah) I drive really slow in the ultra fast lane While people behind me are going insane

Im an asshole (hes an asshole, what an asshole) Im an asshole (hes an asshole, such an asshole)

I use public toilets and I piss on the seat I walk around in the summer time saying "how about this heat?"

Im an asshole (hes an asshole, what an asshole) Im an asshole (hes the worlds biggest asshole)

Sometimes I park in handicapped spaces While handicapped people make handicapped faces

Im an asshole (hes an asshole, what an asshole) Im an asshole (hes a real fucking asshole)

Maybe I shouldnt be singing this song Ranting and raving and carrying on Maybe theyre right when they tell me Im wrong Nah

Im an asshole (hes an asshole, what an asshole) Im an asshole (hes the worlds biggest asshole)

You know what Im gonna do Im gonna get myself a 1967 Cadillac Eldorado convertible Hot pink, with whale skin hubcaps And all leather cow interior And make brown baby seal eyes for head lights (yeah) And Im gonna drive in that baby at 115 miles per hour Gettin' 1 mile per gallon, Sucking down Quarter Pounder cheeseburgers from McDonalds In the old fashioned non-biodegradable styrofoam containers And when Im done sucking down those greeseball burgers Im gonna wipe my mouth with the American flag And then Im gonna toss the styrofoam containers right out the side And there aint a goddamn thing anybody can do about it You know why, because weve got the bombs, thats why 2 words, nuclear fucking weapons, OK? Russia, Germany, Romania, they can have all the democracy they want They can have a big democracy cakewalk Right through the middle of Tiananmen Square and it wont make a lick of difference Because weve got the bombs, OK? John Wayne's not dead, hes frozen, and as soon as we find a cure for cancer Were gonna thaw out the duke and hes gonna be pretty pissed off You know why, Have you ever taken a cold shower, well multiply that by 15 million times Thats how pissed off the dukes gonna be! I'm gonna get the Duke, and John Cassavetes, and Lee Marvin, and Sam Peckinpah, and a case of whiskey, and drive down to Texas and say.....

(Hey! You know, you really are an asshole!) Why don't you just shut up and sing the song, pal? Im an asshole (hes an asshole, what an asshole) Im an asshole (hes the worlds biggest asshole)

A-S-S-H-O-L-E Everybody A-S-S-H-O-L-E

Im an asshole and Im proud of it




Nittany Tiger Forum Mod

*Shrug*

289,107 XP

15th September 2004

0 Uploads

27,136 Posts

0 Threads

#5 9 years ago

Out there in the cold, getting lonely, getting old. Can you help me?




Day_Man

Go home and get yer shinebox

50 XP

28th January 2008

0 Uploads

1,906 Posts

0 Threads

#6 9 years ago

Hey you, standing in the aisles With itchy feet And fading smiles Can you help me?




Guest

I didn't make it!

0 XP

 
#7 9 years ago

Do you know what the queers are doing to the soil?




Day_Man

Go home and get yer shinebox

50 XP

28th January 2008

0 Uploads

1,906 Posts

0 Threads

#8 9 years ago
nanobot_swarm;4946537Do you know what the queers are doing to the soil?

Yes.




Junk angel

Huh, sound?

166,880 XP

29th January 2007

0 Uploads

15,678 Posts

0 Threads

#9 9 years ago

just listen to some Soko




rebornintheglory

keyboard warrior

50 XP

20th January 2006

0 Uploads

22,190 Posts

0 Threads

#10 9 years ago

I shop at the Salvation army all the time. :uhm: