26th November 2004
http://www.maximonline.com/stupid_fu...ticle_256.html http://print.google.com/ http://www.sjgames.com/illuminati/politics.html http://www.reandev.com/taliban/ http://winterson.com/2005/06/episode...e-of-west.html http://www.cluetrain.com/ http://www.airtoons.com/toons.php?toon=34 http://www.chris.com/ascii/ http://www.midnightangel308.com/love_quote.htm http://www.as.miami.edu/phi/jokes.htm http://www.googleguide.com/advanced_...reference.html http://www.ebaumsworld.com/bowman.html http://www.giga-usa.com/ http://www.pbs.org/tesla/ll/ll_wendwar.html http://www.tashian.com/multibabel/ http://www.wrenchfarm.com/ http://michaelbuonauro.com/tao.php http://www.alltooflat.com/geeky/elgoog/m/ http://www.outofthedark.com/Corporat...NewsLinks.html http://www.gialames.com/bescared.html http://rumandmonkey.com/widgets/ http://despair.com/ http://author.forbiddenlibrary.com/ http://grouphug.us/random http://spamusement.com/index.php/comics/view/137 http://www.msxnet.org/humour/terror_alert http://hitman.us/ http://www.sfpg.com/animation/liteBrite.html http://listsofbests.com/ http://www.darkproject.com/wallpapers/wallpapers.htm http://www.advicemeant.com/flame/ http://www.emotioneric.com/ http://chuckcurrie.blogs.com/photos/...susbushweb.JPG http://www.coxar.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/ http://www.why-is-the-sky-blue.tv/catfeet-toast.htm http://www.explodingdog.com/ http://www.timeanddate.com/worldclock/ http://www.buzzsurf.com/surfatwork/ http://www.landoverbaptist.org/news0205/jesushair.html http://www.intellectualwhores.com/ http://www.sysprog.net/quotprog.html http://www.tradetricks.org/ http://crass.on.ru/flash/pingpong.html http://www.uibk.ac.at/c/c6/c601/edv/.../source05.html http://www.amk.ca/quotations/quotations.txt http://mistupid.com/contents.htm http://www.crunchweb.net/87billion/ http://www.cato.org/pubs/policy_report/cpr-20n1-1.html http://www.onlineconversion.com/ http://mil-millington.com/ http://www.blackpeopleloveus.com/ http://www.futureme.org/ http://www.philosophyclass.com/metaphysics.htm http://www.anesi.com/fscale.htm http://www.scottmccloud.com/comics/i...st-6-full.html http://thecenter2000.com/last/ http://nickciske.com/tools/binary.php http://www.solardeathray.com/ http://www.museumofconceptualart.com/accomplished/ http://www.eskimo.com/~spban/bread.html http://socionics.com/main/types.htm http://www.dnsstuff.com/ http://www.thememoryhole.org/ http://www.quotegarden.com/philosophical.html http://www.pitt.edu/~wbcurry/nietzsche.html http://www.mises.org/fullstory.aspx?control=1568 http://www.bookcrossing.com/ http://totallyabsurd.com/absurd.htm http://users.drew.edu/~jlenz/brtexts.html http://naturalscience.com/dsqhome.html http://www.manbottle.com/humor/Capitalism_and_Cows.htm http://www.philosopher.org.uk/enl.htm http://faculty.washington.edu/chudler/tenper.html http://www.infiltec.com/j-chick2.htm http://www.btinternet.com/~glynhughes/squashed/ http://www.clublaugh.com/es-items/712.swf http://gneijsel.xs4all.nl/mailgein/Street%20paintings%20(THESE%20ARE%20ALL%20FLAT%20S IDEWALKS).htm http://bugmenot.com/ http://home.tiscali.nl/annejan/swf/timeline.swf ...And now for something completely different;
21st October 2004
Kick ass. Google print is... awesome.
The Old Man
4th September 2004
First linkThe little “threads” floating in your eyes when you look at the sky are called floaters. They’re the remains of the hyaloid artery, which carried blood to your eye when you were still in your mommy’s tummy and which disintegrated shortly after your birth. Floaters can be removed by thrusting a sharp stick straight into the center of the eyeball. (Warning: Pain and extreme blindness will result.)
Oh, wow, I never knew that.
I'm too cool to Post
8th December 2004
WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD???
Plato: For the greater good.
Aristotle: To fulfill its nature on the other side.
Karl Marx: It was a historical inevitability.
Machiavelli: So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend with such a paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the princely chicken's dominion maintained.
Hippocrates: Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its pancreas.
Jacques Derrida: Any number of contending discourses may be discovered within the act of the chicken crossing the road, and each interpretation is equally valid as the authorial intent can never be discerned, because structuralism is DEAD, DAMMIT, DEAD!
Thomas de Torquemada: Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.
Timothy Leary: Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it take.
Douglas Adams: Forty-two.
Nietzsche: Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also across you.
Oliver North: National Security was at stake.
B.F. Skinner: Because the external influences which had pervaded its sensorium from birth had caused it to develop in such a fashion that it would tend to cross roads, even while believing these actions to be of its own free will.
Carl Jung: The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and therefore synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.
Jean-Paul Sartre: In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.
Ludwig Wittgenstein: The possibility of "crossing" was encoded into the objects "chicken" and "road", and circumstances came into being which caused the actualization of this potential occurrence.
Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.
Aristotle: To actualize its potential.
Buddha: If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-nature.
Howard Cosell: It may very well have been one of the most astonishing events to grace the annals of history. An historic, unprecedented avian biped with the temerity to attempt such an herculean achievement formerly relegated to homo sapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurence.
Salvador Dali: The Fish.
Darwin: It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.
Emily Dickinson: Because it could not stop for death.
Epicurus: For fun.
Ralph Waldo Emerson: It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.
Johann Friedrich von Goethe: The eternal hen-principle made it do it.
Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain.
Werner Heisenberg: We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but it was moving very fast.
David Hume: Out of custom and habit.
Saddam Hussein: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
Jack Nicholson: 'Cause it (censored) wanted to. That's the (censored) reason.
Pyrrho the Skeptic: What road?
Ronald Reagan: Well,...................
John Sununu: The Air Force was only too happy to provide the transportation, so quite understandably the chicken availed himself of the opportunity.
The Sphinx: You tell me.
Henry David Thoreau: To live deliberately ... and suck all the marrow out of life.
Mark Twain: The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.
Mishima: For the beauty of it. The chicken's extension of its sinuous legs sent shivers of a dark despair into the souls not only of the silently watching hens but also the roosters, who felt a sudden sexual desire for their exquisite comrade. The dark courage of the chicken was as beautiful as drops of dew upon jade at midnight, struck by a partial moon, its light filtered through clouds. One of the deeply aroused roosters could stand the intensity of the moment no more and bit off the head of the beautiful, courageous chicken-hero, whose wine blood was deliciously drunken by the road, and he died.
Johnny Cochran: The chicken didn't cross the road. Some chicken-hating, genocidal, lying public official moved the road right under the chicken's feet while he was practicing his golf swing and thinking about his family.
Camus: The chicken's mother had just died. But this did not really upset him, as any number of witnesses can attest. In fact, he crossed just because the sun got in his eyes.
John Sununu (again): I would argue that the chicken never crossed the road at all. That it is a story concocted by the Clinton Administration to distract attention from their failed agriculture policy. Where is the evidence that the chicken crossed the road? Where, Michael?
Michael Kinsley: Oh, John, come on! Everybody knows the chicken crossed the road. What evidence do you need? It's obvious that the chicken crossed the road. Your whole argument is just a smoke and mirror tactic to distract us from the fact that most chickens polled now back the Democratic Party. You ought to be ashamed of yourself, John.
Siskel: I don't know why it crossed the road, but I loved it. Thumbs up!
Ebert: I disagree. The whole thing left the audience wondering; the chicken's crossing the road was never clearly explained and the chicken didn't emote very well. It couldn't even speak English! Thumbs down.
Michael Kinsley: But you both agree it did cross the road, right? See, John. I'm right as usual.
The Old Man
4th September 2004
Actually, that first link has some pretty interesting stuff...
How to relieve thirst in the wild A pebble held in the mouth will stimulate saliva production and kill that dry-mouth feeling. Stay on the lookout for neon bar signs.
There’s no such fish as a sardine. Sardine is a generic term used for herring, pilchard, and the other small fish they pack in those little oblong cans
The first use of the vibrator was the early 1880s, by doctors seeking to combat “female hysteria.” The docs noted the calming effect of the orgasms it produced.
You can have long hair, you can have a mustache, and you can wear a pink shirt, but not all three at the same time.
How to interpret equestrian statues It is a convention—though one oft refuted—that the stance of the horse clues you in to the fate of the rider: If the horse is rearing, its rider died in battle; if only one leg’s in the air, he was wounded in battle; if all four hooves are on the ground, he died of other causes (usually syphilis).
How to gauge the doneness of a steak without slicing into it You can determine when a steak has finished cooking—whether it’s supposed to be rare, medium, or well-done—by giving it the finger. Press your forefinger into it lightly, as if picking up ink from a fingerprint pad, then touch your head and compare their firmness. A well-done steak should feel as firm as your forehead; a medium steak, as firm as your chin; and a rare steak, as firm as the end of your nose. Ain’t that cool?
The long-lost words to the Bonanza theme song Didn’t know the song had lyrics? They were written for the pilot, but were allegedly deemed so awful they were quietly scrapped immediately thereafter (and even scrubbed from the pilot in reruns). You be the judge. Here’s a sample of the words—you better fuckin’ know the tune. We got a right to pick a little fight Bonanza! If anyone fights anyone of us He’s gotta fight with me. We’re not one to stand up and run Bonanza! Anyone of us who starts a little fuss Knows he can count on me. One for four. Four for one. That’s how it must be, We’ll make our stand On our land This we guarantee! Written by Jan Livingston and Ray Evans. Published by Jay Livingston/St. Angelo Music
I'm too cool to Post
8th December 2004
Capitalism and Cows
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM -- You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income. AN AMERICAN CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead. FRENCH CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows. A JAPANESE CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon(tm) and market them world-wide. A GERMAN CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves. A BRITISH CORPORATION -- You have two cows. Both are mad. AN ITALIAN CORPORATION -- You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch. A RUSSIAN CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka. A SWISS CORPORATION -- You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them. A HINDU CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You worship them. A CHINESE CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers. AN ARKANSAS CORPORATION -- You have two cows. That one on the left is kinda cute. ENRON CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys your bull. ARTHUR ANDERSON, LLC -- You have 2 cows. You shred all documents that Enron has any cows, take 2 cows from Enron for payment for consulting the cows, and attest that Enron has 9 cows.