ILBC Reopens! 12 replies

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Sheepeep VIP Member

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2nd September 2003

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#1 11 years ago

Some of you may remember the glory days of the International Lemming Bowling Championships, where people were allowed to grab cute, fluffy lemmings and throw heavy objects at them in the hope of knocking them over. Unfortunately, SPAMTOLA (SovietPower's Anti Mistreatment Treaty of Lemmings Association) was shut down following our previous announcement in late 2004, forcing us to close prematurely. However, the trial is over, he has been found guilty, and I'm allowed to run my own lemming bowling again!

In order to add a touch of novelty to the already-exciting lemming bowling championships, some new rules have been drafted, pending independent verification. The main change is that we are doing away with the "classic" gaming, where one would supply ten lemmings to use as pins and throw rocks at them, and instead have chosen to use standard bowling pins and throw lemmings at them! We are sure that this change will allow for new playing styles to develop.

Unfortunately, following the disbandment of SPAMTOLA, I have been forced to resort to corporate sponsorship in order to pay for the maintenance of our facilities. However, having no overseer regarding the treatment of lemmings has its advantages when they don't co-operate... :)

Our drafted rule set for player and participant is as follows:

1. All participants must supply exactly 21 lemmings, which must last for the duration of their bowling game.

2. Ten frames must be played, akin to the other, unappealing bowling games. "Unappealing" will be decided and unquestionable by the Lemming Bowling Committee (LBC)

3. Anyone found to be using a ball rather than a lemming will have their balls investigated and, if necessary, removed.

4. Removal of lemmings from the premises may be necessary if they attempt to start charging for their services.

5. Anyone found aiding the lemmings in violating rule 4 will be made to listen to Steps albums for a six week period. "Week" will be decided and unquestionable by the Lemming Bowling Committee (LBC)

6. XANADU: The World's Premier Supplier of Lemmings® insists that all lemmings purchased retain the XANADU mark of authenticity. Removal will result in the lemming being voided and deemed unsuitable for bowling.

7. Injured lemmings must participate twice.

8. Any participant who later wishes to bowl must fill in each of the 38 forms regarding acquisition of authentic lemmings, voiding of health insurance, and donation of cotton buds.

9. Internal family disputes are sanctioned for use in order to disrupt the ability of others to play.

10. Sick lemmings, as opposed to injured lemmings, must not be brought onto the main alley. They are to be quarantined in the Jeff Cage until further notice. There are no plans to issue a further notice, or food.

11. Law requires that hard-hats be worn by the lemmings while bowling. Please remove them however, if the lemming is being bowled.

12. Only XANADU-approved chants may be sung to aid the bowlers.

13. Violence towards lemmings is sanctioned, but must be taken over by a judge at their first request.

14. Extra lemmings for use as bait or mate to an opponent's lemmings may not be used. Past incidents have proved that a thousand lemmings with the desire to mate is detrimental to the sport.

15. Do not attempt to use lemmings as bait or mate to the judges. Past incidents have proved that a thousand judges with even the glimmer of hope of mating is detrimental to the universe.

16. Burning a lemming to incite fear is not permitted, fire-retardant lemmings are no longer XANADU-approved.

17. Yearly checks must be run on all performance-grade lemmings to prevent rust.

18. Starting from 2008, check the time-date settings of your lemming. Lemmings with incorrect time/date settings must bowl the day before or after the competition but are still void.

19. Have your lemmings silent at all times when not on the alley.

20. Every lemming must be cuddled prior to bowling. Failure to cuddle a XANADU-approved lemming will result in dismemberment. "In" will be decided and unquestionable by the Lemming Bowling Committee (LBC).

21. Entrances by participants or lemmings may not be stylised.

22. Protection of the XANADU name must occur at all times. "XANADU" wil be decided and unquestionable by the Lemming Bowling Committee (LBC).

23. Each visitor to the Jeff Cage must have their tickling stick and cotton buds ready prior to entrance.

24. Eating or drinking is not permitted in the main alley.

25. Personal belongings are not safe from the LBC. "LBC" will be decided and unquestionable by the Lemming Bowling Committee (LBC).

I hope to see you on the alley soon!

- Sheepeep, Ballmer of the LBC.




book VIP Member

I'm a book!

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13th November 2002

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#2 11 years ago

Hello, I'm with the CTLA(Cruelty To Lemmings Association), we like to come and inspect your facilities, we've had reports of mass muders as well as wedgies, please respond within 3 to 5 business years.




-Section- VIP Member

Wut?

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#3 11 years ago

:rofl:<3




book VIP Member

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#4 11 years ago
-Section-;3994497:rofl:<3

What are you doing on the internet Go study for something! =P




-Section- VIP Member

Wut?

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#5 11 years ago

I am doing my homework. I'm forcing people to take surveys for my worldview class :)




Sheepeep VIP Member

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#6 11 years ago
Book;3994495Hello, I'm with the CTLA(Cruelty To Lemmings Association), we like to come and inspect your facilities, we've had reports of mass muders as well as wedgies, please respond within 3 to 5 business years.

Unfortunately, your organisation is not recognised by XANADU and your lemmings have not been XANADU-approved. Should you wish to purchase high-performance lemmings, see your local XANADU representative.

For more information on our bowling alley, press 2. For complaints, press 3. For reality, realise that there are no hyperlinks in this message.




Sovereign002 VIP Member

Adeptus Moderatus We purge with chain and bolter

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#7 11 years ago
12. Only XANADU-approved chants may be sung to aid the bowlers.

Which songs are this and where can they be found?

Time send my cats out to hunt lemmings again, with wounded having to go twice I'll have more chances of winning. Har Har.


sovereignwarhammer.jpg



-Section- VIP Member

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#8 11 years ago

Hey Sov, wanna take a survey? =D




book VIP Member

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#9 11 years ago

Sheepeep;3994511Unfortunately, your organisation is not recognised by XANADU and your lemmings have not been XANADU-approved. Should you wish to purchase high-performance lemmings, see your local XANADU representative.

For more information on our bowling alley, press 2. For complaints, press 3. For reality, realise that there are no hyperlinks in this message.

Fortunately CTLA do not recognise XANADU's unrecognition of CTLA, therefore XANADU is still bound to allow CTLA to do simple searches of all XANADU facilities. Any response will be noted as acceptance of terms.




Sheepeep VIP Member

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#10 11 years ago

Sovereign002;3994512Which songs are this and where can they be found?

Time send my cats out to hunt lemmings again, with wounded having to go twice I'll have more chances of winning. Har Har.

We have a fantastic repertoire available! Choose from these fantastic songs and cheer on your favourite team!

1. It's Good You're Bleeding - Fluffy Crew

2. Must You Howl Like That When Dying Underwater? - All Things Nice

3. Every Lemming Bounces - Hard Hat Club

4. Alley One, Alley Two, Alley Not For You - Kitten Parade

5. Nobody Knows, Nobody Cares - The Cutelings

6. Too Many Reasons to Throw You - Happy Bunnies 7. Have You Considered Alternative Employment? - Encouragement Group

8. It's Because You Fall Over Easy - The Furry Friends

9. Someone Forget to Call the Police! - Kids with Hammers

<3




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