It's nearly Christmas! Are YOU ready? 19 replies

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Mr. Matt Advanced Member

#BanRadioActiveLobster

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#1 15 years ago

Are you alone this Christmas? No friends? All your family members died in a horrific car accident last year? No girls want to date you? We know the feeling. Here at Matt Empire Incorporated, we have a team of slav... um, scientists working to bring you the latest in gadgetry and innovations, and they know the sting of being lonely at Christmas. In all fairness they're losers, would you want to spend Christmas with them? No, didn't think so. So how do you convince your work colleagues that you aren't a lonely loser? How do you prove that you do have genitals? Nobody's going to buy you any presents... Or are they? Pay Matt Empire Incorporated the value of your desired presents plus 50% and we will send five hot bisexual strippers to your house to shower gifts down upon you. That's right, no more teasing from your work colleagues -- you know five bisexual strippers. Do they? Of course they don't, not real ones anyway. They're almost as big losers as you are! Let's have an example of our amazingly competitve offer (competitive because nobody else is offering it, anyway): Your desired TV set is £100. You give us £150, and we'll send you the TV and five hot bisexual strippers*. I don't think we need to say anymore. I think £50 is quite cheap for five hot bisexual strippers, don't you? How much would you have to pay on a street corner? And ours come disease-free**. So don't delay, order today! If you don't, it means you don't have any genitals! That's right! No genitals! Order NOW! [color=white]*Strippers will not sleep with you because you are a loser. Gender and age of the strippers not guaranteed, but they will be hot. 50 degrees Celsius thanks to the rubber suits that hold the flab... oh, um, yeah. Hot! [color=white]**This does not include any or all STDs, genetic illnesses, viruses, bacterial infections, environmentally-inflicted illnesses, bomb damage, alcoholism or pizza addiction.[/color] [color=white]Terms and conditions apply. See side of pack for details. Sue Kerian if you're disappointed.[/color] [color=white]Strippers may or may not be hot. Strippers may or may not be bisexual. Strippers may or may not be strippers. Strippers may or may not be human.[/color] [color=white]Matt Empire Incorporated, all rights reserved, ™®©€éúóíéá£$. [/color] [color=white]Protected by Pizza Hut.[/color][/color]




*Soviet.Power

Ex-MøđęRāŧǿr ø₣ Geňęrāł Gāmíňĝ

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31st January 2004

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#2 15 years ago

cough




Gamefreak

I follow teh Moo!

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10th January 2003

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#3 15 years ago

Holy shit matt, that was the best post ever! :D




Grimme

I like you

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3rd July 2004

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#4 15 years ago

It's Novemmber, Xmas is in December.




SnuFFeh

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17th March 2004

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#5 15 years ago

Hence why this thread is titled, "Its NEARLY Christmas...." The "Nearly" is the big giveaway...:uhm:




*Soviet.Power

Ex-MøđęRāŧǿr ø₣ Geňęrāł Gāmíňĝ

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31st January 2004

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#6 15 years ago

lol, pwned




Mr. Matt Advanced Member

#BanRadioActiveLobster

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17th June 2002

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#7 15 years ago
TheSaintHence why this thread is titled, "Its NEARLY Christmas...." The "Nearly" is the big giveaway...:uhm:

For that, you get a free present.




TheMirage

The People's Politsayski

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25th January 2004

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#8 15 years ago

Are you crazy Mr.Matt?! Its not even Thanksgiving yet! (well, for those here in the USA that is)

so, uh, what this about slavs, or was it slaves?




Mr. Matt Advanced Member

#BanRadioActiveLobster

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17th June 2002

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#9 15 years ago
TheMirageAre you crazy Mr.Matt?!

You need to ask?




TheMirage

The People's Politsayski

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25th January 2004

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#10 15 years ago

okay, stupid question I know.




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