Male grooming for REAL men 6 replies

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Mr. Matt VIP Member

#BanRadioActiveLobster

356,105 XP

17th June 2002

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#1 5 years ago

Sick of all this effeminate, metro-sexual, mamby-pamby, hoity-toity, nancy-boy grooming nonsense that TV is telling us to endure? Men getting manicures, men using facial scrubs and moisturisers, and putting 'product' in their hair (as if shampoo wasn't a product)? Me too. Men should not have an entire section of their bathroom related to beauty products. They should have a toolbox and some soap. Nor should they take as long or longer to get ready for sex or drinking or both than women. Nor should the word 'pretty' or 'cute' ever apply to us. Let's put right the wrongs and re-manitise men, by putting together the ultimate man's grooming kit. My own preferred implements: [INDENT]- Soap. Multi-purpose. Can be used to wash everything. Including your car. - A razor. None of that five-blade, aloe vera-strip nonsense, either - a sharpened chisel, a Tunisian ceremonial knife, or an old bayonet should do the trick. Use the aforementioned soap, not special fragranced shaving foam, to lather your face. If you bother to lather at all. Which you shouldn't. - Needle-nose pliers. Errant nose hair getting itchy? Yank it out with pliers. Mono-brow on the way? You already have tool. Need to clean your ears out? Yank out the wax with pliers; cotton buds are gay. Splinter in your finger? Pliers can remove rusty bolts, so they can remove bits of wood. - A multi-purpose brush of some description. Can be used if you choose to brush your hair, wash your car, and is also necessary for brushing your teeth - use soap for toothpaste. There's already flouride in the water supply, you big mangirl. Also handy for arranging pubes if you feel they need to look good. -Whiskey for mouthwash and also for fun. Handy for sterilising anything that may need it too (which may occur frequently when shaving), so you don't have to wuss-out and buy antiseptic cream like a woman. - WD40 for deodorant. That way, your arms will move much more easily too, which is handy for punching things and other manly pursuits. - Gym membership. 'Cause, arm wrestling should be a regular occurance, and you want to win once in a while. [/INDENT]That should be all a man needs to get ready in the morning. If you have additions or alterations you could recommend, by all means do so. Let's shed our skirts and get back to being who we are supposed to be - unkempt and violent!




ThorAeabstnis

unkown

50 XP

26th February 2004

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#2 5 years ago




Silberio VIP Member

Bourée

392,744 XP

8th October 2007

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37,216 Posts

2 Threads

#3 5 years ago
Mr. Matt;5676650Sick of all this effeminate, metro-sexual, mamby-pamby, hoity-toity, nancy-boy grooming nonsense that TV is telling us to endure? Men getting manicures, men using facial scrubs and moisturisers, and putting 'product' in their hair (as if shampoo wasn't a product)? Me too. Men should not have an entire section of their bathroom related to beauty products. They should have a toolbox and some soap. Nor should they take as long or longer to get ready for sex or drinking or both than women. Nor should the word 'pretty' or 'cute' ever apply to us. Let's put right the wrongs and re-manitise men, by putting together the ultimate man's grooming kit. My own preferred implements:[INDENT]- Soap. Multi-purpose. Can be used to wash everything. Including your car. - A razor. None of that five-blade, aloe vera-strip nonsense, either - a sharpened chisel, a Tunisian ceremonial knife, or an old bayonet should do the trick. Use the aforementioned soap, not special fragranced shaving foam, to lather your face. If you bother to lather at all. Which you shouldn't. - Needle-nose pliers. Errant nose hair getting itchy? Yank it out with pliers. Mono-brow on the way? You already have tool. Need to clean your ears out? Yank out the wax with pliers; cotton buds are gay. Splinter in your finger? Pliers can remove rusty bolts, so they can remove bits of wood. - A multi-purpose brush of some description. Can be used if you choose to brush your hair, wash your car, and is also necessary for brushing your teeth - use soap for toothpaste. There's already flouride in the water supply, you big mangirl. Also handy for arranging pubes if you feel they need to look good. -Whiskey for mouthwash and also for fun. Handy for sterilising anything that may need it too (which may occur frequently when shaving), so you don't have to wuss-out and buy antiseptic cream like a woman. - WD40 for deodorant. That way, your arms will move much more easily too, which is handy for punching things and other manly pursuits. - Gym membership. 'Cause, arm wrestling should be a regular occurance, and you want to win once in a while. [/INDENT]That should be all a man needs to get ready in the morning. If you have additions or alterations you could recommend, by all means do so. Let's shed our skirts and get back to being who we are supposed to be - unkempt and violent!

I agree with most of the points except one:

Gym membership. Gym people are gay, a real man would go out in the woods, wrestle a bear while serving a glass of whisky on a minibar fashioned by his own hands out of a stone.


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Mr. Matt VIP Member

#BanRadioActiveLobster

356,105 XP

17th June 2002

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#4 5 years ago

I agree in principle, but that is what you do after you've been to the gym to become strong enough to wrestle a bear.

How about, instead of a gym membership, we tie a dead bear to each end of a metal pole and use that as a barbell?




Authuran

Queef Richards

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2nd October 2005

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#5 5 years ago

Women: lovers of effeminate men or closet lesbians?




Ðefiler

oh dear, oh dear,oh dear

50 XP

12th April 2004

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#6 5 years ago

The *insert ethnicity here* have put female hormones in your local wells and water supply.




ThorAeabstnis

unkown

50 XP

26th February 2004

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98 Posts

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#7 5 years ago

Mr. Matt;5676666I agree in principle, but that is what you do after you've been to the gym to become strong enough to wrestle a bear.

How about, instead of a gym membership, we tie a dead bear to each end of a metal pole and use that as a barbell?

better why not use live bears? I mean then we see who's the man and the bizzatch.