Ninjas or Pirates? 657 replies

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Captain Fist

DEUS LO VULT

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17th December 2005

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#641 14 years ago

*Cough Douche Cough* Sorry, I had something in my throat.




1337HAXXOR

kiwi/pirate weapons manager

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4th January 2006

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#642 14 years ago

do i need good grades to stay a pirate?




Pb2Au

Droolworthy

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4th October 2004

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#643 14 years ago
My carronades be loaded with grape

Not kiwi? Sounds like a dishonorable pirate attempt at backstabbing an allied party to me. Long Live the Alliance!!




Mr. Matt Advanced Member

#BanRadioActiveLobster

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17th June 2002

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#644 14 years ago

My opinion on this was stated a few months ago after the conclusion of a completely unbiased and totally scientific experiment. Pirates FTW.

Me, January 2006 Fight 1! Old Jack the Pirate sat atop an empty barrel of rum, in a rustic old tavern on an island of refuge, some seventy-two nautical miles away from the American mainland. The tavern was old fashioned, made from rough aged wood, and illuminated only by the dim light of candles which flickered in the midnight breeze. A rickety old door gently swayed open and closed, occasionally giving a glimpse of the coastline outside, and letting in a little moonlight. Not too far from the door, an obnoxious parrot sat on a perch, regularly producing a list of profanities for the consideration of anybody who could hear it.

Jack talked (or rather, shouted) with the bartender, who seemed to have no qualms about giving a continuing supply of alcohol to an increasingly-intoxicated criminal who just happened to be armed with a flintlock pistol and a rapier. Perhaps the bartender trusted Old Jack implicitly, and knew for a fact that he could hold is liquor. Maybe the bartender had no other customers, and needed every doubloon that Jack was willing to give him. Or perhaps the bartender was simply even more pissed than Jack.

A mysterious wisp of smoke began to form beside the door, spiralling upwards and spreading out as the breeze caught it. From a thin wisp it grew into a thin cloud, and gradually became thicker. Within a minute the grey cloud had become so dense that no light could pierce it. And that was when a ninja stepped out.

"Hooiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiya!" the ninja shouted. He pulled out a sword from a sheath on his back and swished it around elegantly. The parrot mysteriously lost part of its tail at roughly the same time, and fell off its perch.

"Yarrr! An' I seds t' him, if ye don't quit yer whinin', I'll throw this 'ere mug at ye!" the pirate bellowed to the bartender, swinging his arm around. The mug slipped from his grasp, spinning through the air and spilling its contents everywhere.

With a 'bonk', it smacked the ninja firmly on the head. The ninja stumbled around for a moment or two, his eyes rolling to the back of his head. He dropped his sword, toppled backwards and fell through the door. Down the beach he rolled, right into the sea.

Pirate wins!

Fight 2!

A mysterious wisp of smoke began to form beside the door, spiralling upwards and spreading out as the breeze caught it. From a thin wisp it grew into a thin cloud, and gradually became thicker. Within a minute the grey cloud had become so dense that no light could pierce it. And that was when a ninja stepped out.

"Hooiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiya!" the ninja shouted. He pulled out a sword from a sheath on his back and swished it around elegantly. The parrot mysteriously lost part of its tail at roughly the same time, and fell off its perch.

The pirate simply lifted up a flintlock pistol and let 'er rip, blasting the ninja's lungs out.

"Yarr!"

Pirate wins!

Fight 3!

A mysterious wisp of smoke began to form beside the door, spiralling upwards and spreading out as the breeze caught it. From a thin wisp it grew into a thin cloud, and gradually became thicker. Within a minute the grey cloud had become so dense that no light could pierce it. And that was when a ninja stepped out.

"Hooiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiya!" the ninja shouted. He pulled out a sword from a sheath on his back and swished it around elegantly. The parrot mysteriously lost part of its tail at roughly the same time, and fell off its perch. Old Jack looked over his shoulder and let out a chuckle. He stood up and pointed at the ninja.

"Yarr, why ye be wearin' pajamas?" the pirate asked.

"Hoiiiiiii ya! Ya! Ya! YAAA!" the ninja yelled, lobbing shruikens at the pirate relentlessly. Jack stumbled backwards, clutching his chest which now had several shruikens attached to hit. He then chuckled once more.

"Yarr, ye not be gettin' those pretty metal stars through me coat o' gold!" the pirate bellowed, pulling open his coat. Sure enough, the inside was lined with golden doubloons. As well as a disturbing lack of pants.

"YA!" the ninja shouted. A shruiken flew through the air and embedded straight into the pirate's forehead.

"Yarr, fair play to ye, I not be thinkin' o' that..." the pirate said, and fell over backwards.

Ninja wins!

Fight 4!

A mysterious wisp of smoke began to form beside the door, spiralling upwards and spreading out as the breeze caught it. From a thin wisp it grew into a thin cloud, and gradually became thicker. Within a minute the grey cloud had become so dense that no light could pierce it. And that was when a ninja stepped out.

"Hooiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiya!" the ninja shouted. He pulled out a sword from a sheath on his back and swished it around elegantly. The parrot mysteriously lost part of its tail at roughly the same time, and fell off its perch.

Jack jumped from his barrel, spilling his mug across the bartender and knocking over several tables. He pulled out his gold-plated rapier and roared at the ninja angrily.

"AVAST YE, LANDLUBBER!" he yelled, and ran at the ninja. The ninja stood his ground, sword up. Jack brought the rapier down against the katana with all his might, hoping to knock the ninja backwards and then finish the job.

Perhaps what happened was not what Jack had originally planned, but it was good enough for him. The rapier was no match for the Japanese blade. Upon that first impact, Jack's blade was cut in half through no action of the ninja. Fortunately for Jack, and unfortunately for the ninja, the top half of the blade fell straight onto the ninja's head, pointy end first. Jack didn't even notice the ninja's blade swishing through his own neck. The ninja fell to the ground with half a sword in his forehead.

Jack shrugged and sat back down. His head fell off shortly afterwards. Mysteriously, he kept drinking rum...

Draw! Both fighters were morons!

Fight 5!

A mysterious wisp of smoke began to form beside the door, spiralling upwards and spreading out as the breeze caught it. From a thin wisp it grew into a thin cloud, and gradually became thicker. Within a minute the grey cloud had become so dense that no light could pierce it. And that was when a ninja stepped out.

"Hooiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiya!" the ninja shouted. He pulled out a sword from a sheath on his back and swished it around elegantly. The parrot mysteriously lost part of its tail at roughly the same time, and fell off its perch.

"Back for more are ye?" Jack smiled, pulling out his rapier. "Avast ye, scurvy dog!"

The two ran at each other. For some bizarre reason, the scenery behind the ninja moved approximately 6,000 times faster than the scenery behind Jack, despite the fact that they were both moving at the same speed. It moved so fast, in fact, that it became a blur, and began to suck up the scenery around it. Jack skidded to a halt and grabbed hold of a loose plank of wood on the wall.

"Those damn anime artists be destroyin' the universe again!!!" Jack roared, waving his fist around angrily.

The whole tavern was enveloped by an 'anime singularity', which proceeded to engulf the entire island, and then the entire world. Within hours, the entire galaxy was sucked into its hyper-accelerated scenery. The rest of the universe followed.

Ninja destroys the universe with anime; pirate wins by default!

These fights may or may not have been rigged due to personal bias. Pirates speak funny and ergo win regardless of their combat prowess.



1337HAXXOR

kiwi/pirate weapons manager

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4th January 2006

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#645 14 years ago
Pb2AuNot kiwi? Sounds like a dishonorable pirate attempt at backstabbing an allied party to me. Long Live the Alliance!!

we dont want to waist good kiwis! there good fighters




Crazy Wolf Advanced Member

Snipes With Artillery

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22nd March 2005

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#646 14 years ago
Pb2AuNot kiwi? Sounds like a dishonorable pirate attempt at backstabbing an allied party to me. Long Live the Alliance!!

Grapes spread more. Kiwis are for eating, not for killing ninjas with....




Pb2Au

Droolworthy

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4th October 2004

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#647 14 years ago

You can't kill ninjas with anything...




Crazy Wolf Advanced Member

Snipes With Artillery

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22nd March 2005

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#648 14 years ago

Oh? Then what do they die of?




Pb2Au

Droolworthy

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4th October 2004

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#649 14 years ago

Ummm... uh... LOOK AT THE SCANTILY CLAD PIRATE LASS!!! /me runs away




Fortune

something to believe.

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19th February 2005

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#650 14 years ago
Crazy WolfOh? Then what do they die of?

Mastur... gross. Silver Bull... Too easy. Pre-mature Eja... Gross still. Terroris... that would turn them into tools. Old Age, but they like to 120.