17th June 2002
[color=black]Continued from another discussion, I feel obliged to point out some very serious flaws in peoples' understanding of the species rabbitus monstros. Most people think 'Oh look, isn't he cute!' when they look at me. They also say something similar about rabbits. This has cost the lives of many people on both counts, unnecessarily in some cases.[/color] [color=black]
Government Advisory 382811 alpha, paragraph 1118Every year, trillions of innocent idiots die because they failed to follow basic common sense.[/color] [color=black]Rabbits are not the carrot-munching, furry cuties you have been led to believe. Rabbits are cold, blood-thirsty carnivores. They have an uncontrollable thirst for blood, and their teeth are so powerful that they can actually bite through metal to get at food (i.e. people). There are steps, however, you can take to avoid your life being prematurely ended in an unfortunate rabbit mishap:[/color] [color=black]1 -- Avoid rabbits at all costs. A simple step, not always easily accomplished, but you should try your best at all times.[/color] [color=black]2 -- If you cannot avoid rabbits, do not look them straight in the eye. They will take this as a challenge/invitation to eat you.[/color] [color=black]3 -- If you are bleeding for some reason, take all possible steps to cover it up, hide it the smell. A vacuum cleaner placed over the wound is usually enough, but can have you unconscious from blood loss within minutes.[/color] [color=black]4 -- If for some reason you are put in the position where you are being targeted by a rabbit, and the above or below steps do nothing to help you, make sure you find a friend. Stab him with something so he bleeds. Then run like your life depends on it. If you're lucky, the rabbit will head for the blood and give you enough time to reach a safe distance*.[/color] [color=black]5 -- Do not be fooled by cuteness. The attached images demonstrate two radically different rabbits. Rabbit A looks evil. Its eyes are glowing red, its ears upright and alert, its fur dark and mysterious... but do not be fooled. Rabbit A is actually rather weak for his species. Indeed, his evil appearence is designed to trick other animals into thinking he is deadly, and keeping their distance so he doesn't have to defend himself. Rabbit B, on the other hand, looks so cute you could eat it. Well, this is why you would be dead right now. Rabbit B has been rated amongst the most deadly of the entire species. Cute = incoming death. A simple rule, always live by it.[/color] Rabbit A Rabbit B [color=black]6 -- The Golden Rule: NEVER PUT A LIVE RABBIT IN YOUR MOUTH! You will die a most horrific, painful death as you are slowly eaten from the inside-out. The scene from Alien wasn't original, you know, it was inspired...[/color] [color=black]So there you are. Stick by these simple rules of life and you may significantly increase your chances of surviving a rabbit-orientated encounter.[/color] [color=black]*Safe distance estimated to be about 20-30 miles, depending on the rabbit in question.
The cream of the crop
20th August 2003
no acronyms can describe how funny that post is.
well, maybe this will suffice: LMFAOAMOAOMAOAMOAMOMAMOAMMLMSLMALMOMSMSLAMODMOMFOMDMLMSLSM!!!
yes, that is an acronym for something..what? i dont know.
yes, aeg, that will have to do.
Piercing the veil.
9th August 2003
Thanks, Matt. I never knew....the horror, the horror....
Voice of joy and sunshine
26th May 2003
*sniffle* And so you see, that’s why we had to beat Boris’s brains out with a sledgehammer.
So, so you think you can tell heaven from hell, blue skies from pain?
Voice of joy and sunshine
26th May 2003
Come here Boy and learn the true meaning of pain, at the hands of the master.
wow he was right all along but they arent as deadly as the cows :moodeath: