Smoking warnings 9 replies

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Mr. Matt VIP Member

#BanRadioActiveLobster

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17th June 2002

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#1 9 years ago

After picking up my latest packet of cigarettes (I decided to try those new Marlboro 'Bright Leaf' packs that have suddenly sprung up everywhere - and meh, by the way) and looking at the warning label - a lovely photograph of a dude with an inflated red throat, with the words 'Smoking can cause a slow and painful death!' emblazoned above it in bold red and white letters - I had a thought. It hurt, but I had one.

Smoking has been demonised to the point where it's become socially unacceptable (mainly because people have been told by the Powers that Be that it should be so), guns have been banned almost completely, and many other things are so heavily regulated that the words nanny state might be an understatement. But there are so many other things out there that we need to place these warning labels on everything that might be harmful. Because some people are stupid and need brightly-colored warnings to help them figure things out.

I'll start the list, but I think many brains might help flesh it out fully.

  • Across the side of all new automobiles, "Driving may cause a fast and horrific death!" should be written, in large letters and using coloring that contrasts appropriately from the paint of the car. This should be accompanied by a photograph of a man cleaved in half by a head-on collision, or something to that effect.
  • Using that edible paper stuff, all fast food should have "Eating this may cause fat-arse syndrome - you will be mocked, shunned, and will die a painful death!" plastered on them in neon lettering. This should be accompanied by a photograph of either a man being lifted out of his dismantled home by a crane, or an extremely fat (preferably hairy) woman in a bikini.
  • Written on all paper should be the words "Mishandling this may cause extremely painful papercuts and possibly a painful death!". This should be accompanied by a photograph of a pussy sucking on his thumb.
  • On all jars of coffee we need to put "Drinking this may cause bladder cancer!" This should be accompanied by a photograph of a man with a bloody stump where his penis once resided.

Etc, etc. We need to protect people!




Adrian Tepes Forum Mod

King Jellyfish

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10th September 2007

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#2 9 years ago

So you mean I can't smoke my cubans any more? :(


"I'd shush her zephyr." ~ Zephyr.



Von II

aka noobst3R

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16th June 2008

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#3 9 years ago

You're right, it's true.

Made me laugh quite loud though. :D




Red Menace

SCHOFIELD DID 4/30

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10th August 2004

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#4 9 years ago

They just put those stupid picture warning labels into law here in the United States. I asked all my friends who smoke if it would deter them from smoking and quite the opposite, they intend to collect the packs like Pokemon cards. I also think this demonetization of smoking does nothing but help it as I see more and more of my generation smoking because the "man" doesn't want them to.

I think they should place huge billboards here in California every twenty feet that say "LIVING IN CALIFORNIA GREATLY INCREASES YOUR RISK OF DYING IN AN EARTHQUAKE, PLEASE LIVE RESPONSIBLY. - Paid for by Arizona"


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Pethegreat VIP Member

Lord of the Peach

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19th April 2004

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#5 9 years ago

Drug deals should put a warning on the weed they sell: "warning consumption of this substance may lead to the consumption of excessive amounts of food" Then have a pic of a guy covered in pizza andf passed out

Ecstasy: "warning consumption of this substance may lead to dancing like a retard, hooking up with fat chicks, and possessing glow sticks" Then have a pic of a guy making out with 300+ pound woman.




Sovereign002 VIP Member

Adeptus Moderatus We purge with chain and bolter

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22nd May 2005

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#6 9 years ago

I've always found they should put a warning on forks. Like a little, red label. Warning people of the many dangers that forks pose. Society as a whole just doesn't stand still with the dangers of these small things. Because they are, of course small. Which is really ridiculous, because cigarettes are smaller! Not to mention that forks are used by about anyone on the planet. Besides perhaps Africans whom, God bless them, would probably survive longer than our white race if it wasn't for Aids, Malaria and all those other, nasty things. And China, whom still stay loyal to the chopstick (oh heavens, don't get me started about those tools of horror!).

So then, why is it that no one has bothered warning anyone about the dangers of forks? Even our young children are given plastic forks to get used to these murderous utensils. Do they not realise they're only persuading these youngsters to use real forks when their parents aren't looking? Just to be cool? The amount of eyes toddlers lose each year because of this is catastrophic.

Please, if you want to keep the human race from turning into Cyclopses, support our petition by sending some monetary substance to 553-GetSovACar-69 Thank you. And keep an (anti-fork protected) eye on those forks!


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Admiral Donutz VIP Member

Wanna go Double Dutch?

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9th December 2003

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#7 9 years ago

Mr. Matt;5172773After picking up my latest packet of cigarettes (I decided to try those new Marlboro 'Bright Leaf' packs that have suddenly sprung up everywhere - and meh, by the way) and looking at the warning label - a lovely photograph of a dude with an inflated red throat, with the words 'Smoking can cause a slow and painful death!' emblazoned above it in bold red and white letters - I had a thought. It hurt, but I had one.

Smoking has been demonised to the point where it's become socially unacceptable (mainly because people have been told by the Powers that Be that it should be so), guns have been banned almost completely, and many other things are so heavily regulated that the words nanny state might be an understatement. But there are so many other things out there that we need to place these warning labels on everything that might be harmful. Because some people are stupid and need brightly-colored warnings to help them figure things out.

I'll start the list, but I think many brains might help flesh it out fully.

  • Across the side of all new automobiles, "Driving may cause a fast and horrific death!" should be written, in large letters and using coloring that contrasts appropriately from the paint of the car. This should be accompanied by a photograph of a man cleaved in half by a head-on collision, or something to that effect.
  • Using that edible paper stuff, all fast food should have "Eating this may cause fat-arse syndrome - you will be mocked, shunned, and will die a painful death!" plastered on them in neon lettering. This should be accompanied by a photograph of either a man being lifted out of his dismantled home by a crane, or an extremely fat (preferably hairy) woman in a bikini.
  • Written on all paper should be the words "Mishandling this may cause extremely painful papercuts and possibly a painful death!". This should be accompanied by a photograph of a pussy sucking on his thumb.
  • On all jars of coffee we need to put "Drinking this may cause bladder cancer!" This should be accompanied by a photograph of a man with a bloody stump where his penis once resided.
Etc, etc. We need to protect people!

I got some candles in my "kertpaket" ("christmas package/box" aka "christmas present") from work. The candles had a load a sticker on them with a dozen warning symbols...

- don't place candle in open window next to curtains - don't leave burning candles unattended - don't play with the fire (light objects with the candle) - don't... well a dozen "thank you captain obvious" icons.

Almost as silly as "warning these contents may be hot" warnings you get in some places.

Oh, and a plastic packaging for a set of trousers that were mailed to be had a warning on it aswell: "This bag is not a toy, keep away from children". Wow, really? I didn't knew I should let children put it on there head for more then 10 seconds and tel them to be careful or they could killthemselves with it... worked for me when I was a kid, I played with bags for a brief moment, and knew I should go and stikc my head in it for too long, and I'm still here I'm afraid.

I wonder who we got the thank for all this BS? :o "Wait miss, you put your cat in the washing machine ebcause you thought it was a bit dirty, and that you're suprised and traumatized about it not living through the whole deal? And you wish compensation for this?" "that's right "I'll give you compensation *face slap* now remove yourself fromt his room and entertain yourself with this bag *hands plastic bag* "

:o

Edit: Those labels are quite useless to begin with. Those with an IQ or common sense at sub zero levels probably won't understand written warnigns or symbol messages.... I hope those things get out of fashion quite soon but I'm afraid they won't... :(




Johnny Mullet

Hi-Tech Redneck

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7th March 2005

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#8 9 years ago

I purchased a new fan belt for my car and on the back of the package sleeve it was in read........

"Do not replace belt with engine running"

I figure some dumbass must have already done this if they have to post a warning.




Authuran

Queef Richards

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2nd October 2005

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#9 9 years ago

Europe. 1984.




Admiral Donutz VIP Member

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#10 9 years ago

Johnny Mullet;5173198I purchased a new fan belt for my car and on the back of the package sleeve it was in read........

"Do not replace belt with engine running"

I figure some dumbass must have already done this if they have to post a warning.

:rofl: :cort: