Sept 29th, 2008
Spammer's News Network Reporter: Red Redmond
The Treacherous Commissar
Spamtopia Hill, Red Thread
Deliberations of the People's Court
A few days ago, MercZ, the People's Commissar of Spam on the Red Thread's Politburo, was arrested after a failed power grab against our esteemed leader, Premier Red Menace.
Our Glorious Leader felt that the People should see the issue for themselves and convened a hearing at the most glorious People's Court. A fair and just jury was chosen among the People, and the treacherous MercZ was brought up on charges.
Benevolent leader Red Menace presided over the the hearings, along with other esteemed members of the Party.
The judge presented the charges against the traitor.
- Treason - Treason by a military officer - Armed uprising or intervention with the goal to seize the power - Contacts with foreigners with counter-revolutionary purposes - Help to international bourgeoisie which, not recognizing the equality of Red political system, strives to overthrow it - Urging any foreign entity to declaration of war, military intervention, blockade, capture of state property, breaking diplomatic relations, breaking international treaties, and other aggressive actions against Red Thread - Espionage - Undermining of state industry, transport, monetary circulation or credit system, as well as of cooperative societies and organizations, with counter-revolutionary purpose by means of the corresponding usage of the state institutions, as well as by opposing their normal functioning - Terrorist acts against representatives of Red power or of workers and peasants organizations - Damage of transport, communication, water supply, warehouses and other buildings or state and communal property with counter-revolutionary purpose - Anti-Red and counter-revolutionary propaganda and agitation - Sexual sadism
And that list doesn't even begin to illustrate the level of evil within the tainted MercZ. The People's Government was wise to catch this man before anything could happen.
A common reaction by members of the People's Government when asked about Commissar MercZ
The guilty MercZ was brought in, kept alive only by the benevolence of the People and the government, and read his charges, to which he plead not guitly, once again striking home his dishonesty.
The prosecution brought in a Blue Thread informant, who provided damning evidence of MercZ's cooperation with a conspiracy against the Red Thread and the Spammer, including a mysterious rental of a room in a hostel. The Blue Thread informant also showed the sad state of Blue affairs by going insane and dipping into delusions of grandeur, after which he was put onto a dung boat and sent back to the dumpster behind Lord Wiener's House, the so called "Blue Thread".
Representatives from intelligence agencies and other committies also presented evidence of MercZ sending letters with leud content to foreign dignitaries, even going as to call out wise Red Menace. Conversations suggesting an assassination of the Politburo members was also presented.
Young males who served in the Commissar's e-Gulag administration along with secretaries all testified about his lewd actions and dastardly sexual practices, with one case saying he dressed up as an eggplant while the other (who will remain unnamed), was forced to dress up in a flower suit and chained to the wall. Former inmates in MercZ's e-Gulag, who were sent on false-charges, provided chilling testimony of MercZ using oddly shaped tools to torture these people, often wearing no pants.
A witness demonstrates MercZ's fetishes with Bourgeoisie fashion
Even the elderly couldn't escape MercZ's twisted fetishes
Showing his guilt, the cowardly MercZ continously cried for a mistrial, but bourgeoisie loopholes will not prevent the People's Justice from being carried out. Praise be.
But since the guilty man had to have a chance to prove his innocence as our constitution guarantees, MercZ opened up the defense. His lawyer never arrived, though we have it on good authority that he said that he couldn't represent a swine like MercZ in good conscience. Not surprisingly, MercZ couldn't find his evidence, since it never existed in the first place. The People are always correct in their assumption of guilt.
The delusions of the Bluenut still piercing the walls, the Jury and the Judge went out to decide MercZ's case, and not surprisingly decided within a minute, showing the clear guilt of MercZ. MercZ was also believed to have planted bombs and transmitters on his Goldfish, all of whom were shot on high charges of treason. No one is exempt from the Spammer's justice.
The court called for recess, leaving the Traitor for a day to think over his actions. Upon the court being reconviened, Glorious Red Menace read the punishment himself.
Richard Simmons work out videos, hours of them, your testicles will shrivel up and die.
MercZ stood aghast and screamed out in agony, showing his guilt. The sexual demon has met his punishment.
The traitor shows his guilt
It is said that the other charges were dropped due to lack of evidenceThe decision demonstrated the benevolence of our kind and dear leader, choosing to remember MercZ's service against the cowardly Black Thread on November 6th, 2008, and having faith that even the most traitorious swine can be rehabilitated.
MercZ is expected to be released in two months.
[COLOR=Silver]Approved by the People's Committee on Free Speech[/COLOR]
TL;DR summary: GUILTY AS HELL AND RICHARD SIMMONS BALLS
We will miss thee. For two months.
Much lulz was had. A rare example of pure spam, before a certain member with delusions of grandeur intruded.
That thread should be used to show the newbies how to spam.
Unfortunately, while these pointless knock-off threads persist, it won't.
When in doubt, gas it!
I'd like to be the dressing on that man salad.
well fare thee well mercz
And I would like to eat that salad.