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Superfluous Curmudgeon VIP Member

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22nd December 2007

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#1 1 year ago

Like, srsly omygawd u guyz havent posted for like a hole weak. plz say someting anything really will do.  Oh and i post feril doggo selfy to make u have happy feelings.




Nemmerle Forum Mod

Voice of joy and sunshine

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#2 1 year ago

I've been enjoying the wonders of anti-depressants and counselling whilst:

A) Quitting a job. B) Running an internal political campaign against the people who pissed me off at the last company through my allies that remain there and the elements of the management structure I could set up to access. C) Coordinating others exits from that company and making sure they're all mentally okay and likely to have somewhere to go. D) Trying to start a company of my own to secure a reasonable income stream for a couple of years down the road. E) Trying to learn enough relating to my own skill base to be in a good position with respect to what I've seen D could take advantage of.

So... yeah.

Probably should have done some of those years ago. I'd have done better against my market potential in the company if I'd addressed some of my now obvious to myself mental health problems years ago. There wasn't the same pressing need though - you don't see a weakness as being that crippling whilst you're patching over it by being stronger in other areas. And you can get away with that for quite some time.

There was a crazy week a little while back where shit hit the fan all at once and things devolved from having a plan for how the next two months was going to go, to 'Well, fuck. The situation is deteriorating rapidly. We're going to have this fight with the forces we've got or not at all - and not at all doesn't seem to be an option.'

I'd seen it was time to get out a bit before that. There was a point where I did an analysis of the relationships that people had within the local social circles, graphed it all up, and went, 'Well, fuck. This is going to go bad.' But I hadn't planned for things to escalate that rapidly - the way that went to shit was like nothing I'd ever seen or head of before.

#

Things are settling down a little now though. Politically, I've shot most of the ammunition to hand. The remainder has legal consequences on multiple fronts if I use it and there are people I don't want to catch in the cross-fire. I'll maintain the evidence I've got as a sort of strategic reserve in case they decide to escalate in an unexpected direction, but at this point it's just... getting used to not being that worried - I guess. The people I care about are mostly out of the business or in such a strong position now relative to the threats that they can manage their own exits. The people I was worried about seem to be doing alright now. The ground has been seeded with lovely surprises for the people I perceive in a negative light within the business. The people I perceive in a positive light have been handed several lovely weapons to dominate tactically over the next half year or so.... Yeah.

Now it's just plan against a recurrence, in case I ever seek employment again, and... try to forget those fuckers ever existed, I guess. And try to fix up my mental state. And try to do the company thing.

Some of those are more or less time-sensitive, I suppose. Though I've got a four year operating reserve at this point so... maybe not that bad. Worst comes to the worst I can get my ducks in a line with the mental health in that time-frame, do some strategic planning to guard against this sort of thing happening again, and go find another job.

I don't know. Things have basically reached a point in my life where I'm tired of working for people who are hired, as far as I can tell, because they had the next job title down when the company was hiring and the company doesn't know how to hire well. (As demonstrated by persistent under-performance relative to industry averages - though they're fairly diversified so they don't necessarily know that ¬_¬ .) I'm tired of working just to make systems that shouldn't exist in the first place be productive. I'm tired of people being treated like shit. I'm tired of none of this making sense other than as explained by the most petty and incompetent impulses of human nature.

I'd rather go and make a fight of it myself, and lose, and at least know how far I could get.

(... As you might be able to tell, Nem has never been good at letting things go :p)

Happy feelings? Have a red-panda, everyone likes red-pandas! :)

Di9cGQo.jpgAnd now you know far more about me than anyone in my family! 




Lindale Forum Mod

Mister Angry Rules Guy

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#3 1 year ago

Work....So much work....


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FileTrekker Über Admin

I'm spending a year dead for tax reasons.

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#4 1 year ago

There is a great calm before the storm.

*looks at signature*

Remember.


Danny King | Community Manager | GameFront.com



Superfluous Curmudgeon VIP Member

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#5 1 year ago

Nem, ever the vigilante. Hopefully justice is served with regards to your former employers, bit more so hopefully you can let go and move on. But yeah, it sucks when the people around and above you don't give a fuck about the well-being of anyone who doesn't directly affect theirs. 

As for myself, I am mostly angry, frustrated, and stressed out person lately. Angry and frustrated at the world for making so little sense and being so eager to screw anyone over that is not 100% vigilant. And for so willingly and blatantly believing and spreading misinformation for the sake of pushing some agenda, i.e. personal financial gain and/or for the sake of being able to sit comfortably in one's ignorant little bubble rather than facing reality. 

And maybe frustrated at myself for being completely helpless in trying to assert self-discipline for the sake of sanity and personal health/balance. Consistency in doing healthy things like limiting video game time, going to bed at a reasonable hour, eating enough, not getting distracted by youtube for 6 hours,etc. seem like reasonable things to ask of myself, but the self control and self discipline to do those things just isn't there. So yeah, there is sort of some self-loathing/bitterness there. Especially considering that my ability to progress through grad school largely depends on my success in these areas rather than my intellect. That is, grad school is hard, but I am plenty intelligent to handle it if I could just pull myself together. 

And maybe I am q bit lonely, despite having a good number of people to talk to. Sort of feels weird because I may be socially exhausted but at the same time lonely as ever. I wonder if it is my body realizing that I am blazing through the prime mating years and is trying to nudge me to find a female companion. 

So yeah, in other words, things are pretty much normal for me. I shall continue to pretend to be a happy healthy person as I continue to try to sort myself out. Hope things are good for the rest of you.




Andron Taps Forum Mod

Faktrl is Best Pony

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#6 1 year ago

Stressed and tired.  I've pretty much given up on school.  Going to finish and then just do whatever.


"I'd shush her zephyr." ~ Zephyr.



Nemmerle Forum Mod

Voice of joy and sunshine

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#7 1 year ago

"Superfluous Curmudgeon "Nem, ever the vigilante. Hopefully justice is served with regards to your former employers, bit more so hopefully you can let go and move on. But yeah, it sucks when the people around and above you don't give a fuck about the well-being of anyone who doesn't directly affect theirs.[/quote]

I think what really gets me is how pointless it all was. Like, I can understand people being out for themselves - ain't no-one's skin closer to you than your own. I don't approve of being entirely out for yourself, but I at least understand it. This was just... it even actively harms your interests. Like, you ask a staff member to lie in order to get a tiny fraction of a month's output down on paper for a report to your senior manager and that's the relationship you had with that staff member burned. Just strategically it doesn't make sense to do that. Or you go around the office banging your fist off of tables, and then you're surprised when staff leave with work-related stress? Or you...

I don't know. I doubt very much anything will happen to them on this iteration. HR tends to work on iterative games rather than immediate dismissal, and HR is a long way away. But the levers are there now, stuff's on record. They'll either have to change their behaviours; or other people will raise the same issues and the managers in question will be dismissed; or they won't change their behaviour and no-one will raise it, but the only sort of staff they'll be able to attract are the sort you don't want.

Any of those outcomes, I guess, is acceptable. Though the last one's very much in the vein of 'I sentence you to the natural outcome of your actions.' :/

Apparently they're being very very cautious in how they behave at the moment. Which kinda implies someone's wrapped their knuckles off their heads.

On and around my own reflections, I should have tried to get rid of them a lot earlier. Maybe I'd have won, maybe I'd have lost - strategically I suspect I'd have been in a worse position. But, I suspect it would have been easier to live with.

Tch. Hindsight's 20-20. Know for next time, if there is a next time :p

"Superfluous Curmudgeon "As for myself, I am mostly angry, frustrated, and stressed out person lately. Angry and frustrated at the world for making so little sense and being so eager to screw anyone over that is not 100% vigilant. And for so willingly and blatantly believing and spreading misinformation for the sake of pushing some agenda, i.e. personal financial gain and/or for the sake of being able to sit comfortably in one's ignorant little bubble rather than facing reality.

And maybe frustrated at myself for being completely helpless in trying to assert self-discipline for the sake of sanity and personal health/balance. Consistency in doing healthy things like limiting video game time, going to bed at a reasonable hour, eating enough, not getting distracted by youtube for 6 hours,etc. seem like reasonable things to ask of myself, but the self control and self discipline to do those things just isn't there. So yeah, there is sort of some self-loathing/bitterness there. Especially considering that my ability to progress through grad school largely depends on my success in these areas rather than my intellect. That is, grad school is hard, but I am plenty intelligent to handle it if I could just pull myself together.

Don't know if it's any help - when I was in a similar position some of the best bits of advice I got were:

A) Make a schedule you'd like. Like, not the schedule that you get by treating yourself as a slave, but like an hour's studying, two hours youtube - or whatever. You know? Treat yourself as an employee you've got to trade with.

B) Do something, even if it's just a minute at the end of the day.

The first one of those helped me a lot on and around having schedules I actually followed.

[quote="Superfluous Curmudgeon "] And maybe I am q bit lonely, despite having a good number of people to talk to. Sort of feels weird because I may be socially exhausted but at the same time lonely as ever. I wonder if it is my body realizing that I am blazing through the prime mating years and is trying to nudge me to find a female companion.

So yeah, in other words, things are pretty much normal for me. I shall continue to pretend to be a happy healthy person as I continue to try to sort myself out. Hope things are good for the rest of you.

-Hugs- Hope things pick up for you too :)




Lindale Forum Mod

Mister Angry Rules Guy

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#8 1 year ago

Every single female my age has already been married and divorced, and 90% of them have at least one kid. Both are simply more reasons to never bother with dating.


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