weirdal = new ptaq()
2nd September 2003
DOCKWORKERS IN PLYMOUTH, UK today had a surprise on its hands when a 17th-century battleship went on strike, refusing to perform regular business activities.
"Arr, there be no time fer sleep!" said notorious Captain Jack "Cutthroat" Woodrink, who has claimed that the increase in surfing over the past decade and the dangers of the profession have caused piracy on the high seas to be too stressful.
Woodrink says that the problem has become especially prevalent in the past decade, with a recently-developed interest in "Surfing", something which is affecting his crew's ability to perform.
"Thar just be too damned many of them!", he added. "Just in't th' same when yer can't go after 'em all. There ain't no way to tell who be a good target". Cutthroat Woodrink isn't the only pirate who is feeling the strain, however.
"Yarr, it be not the same surely, too many gid'am kids out thar" snarled Captain Jack "Blackjack" Baker, most notable for catching a large group of surfers unaware six months ago. "Used ter be that yer'd see two 'r three a week, now it be... Well it be too gid'amany". The captain refused to comment on whether he would consider joining the planned pirate strike, citing legal reasons.
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Practicioners of piracy have been around for centuries, with legends dating back to the 1600s. Technology has increased the scope of opportunity available to would-be pirates, but the recent uptake of surfing among the general population has caused too many new potential targets, and pirates demand that more people take up the profession, or that the government pays higher wages.
Not everyone is feeling the strain, however. Captain Jack "Bloodletter" Bloodletter has created a storm by releasing information on how his crew work to find the best targets and leave the rest to everyone else - Considered bad practice on the high seas.
"Uarrgh, well we're-er mainly hittin' them explorers, them be the easy ones", he said. Adding "The rest are wily foxes, and we're-er here ter make us-selves rich, not go on some gid'am safari, me ship be ready 'n I be about ter catch me some fish."
Unavailable for comment was Captain Jack "Darkblade" Dawson, who is rumoured to be targeting surfers further out to shore on an expedition, expecting to be the conqueror of surfers in the newly open market.
8th May 2007
I will be sure that the next time I depart from port while commanding the U.S.S Antarctica, I'll bring some .50 cals along just in case.
Feel my heat, Heavens on fire.
3rd August 2005
What kind of wussy pirates are these? Butt Pirates? ...Tiver me Shimbers...
Jeff is a mean boss
28th July 2002
I <3 you