The Mayhemming! 2 replies

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#1 11 years ago

Please reply with your thoughts. Amy good quotes will be added to the book.

The Mayhemming

V. 2.4
By Michael Ficocelli

WARNING: This notebook contains material that does not pertain to anything at all. This is a collection of quotes, thoughts, experiences, ect. of Michael Ficocelli. Anything in here is defined as “official”. If it doesn’t make sense, or makes less than 7 fluid ounces of sense, assume there is a story behind it, which I usually try to supply.

The following material is approved for all audiences by Forehead Shavecut Inc.

30 Seconds in the Mind of Michael Ficocelli Brace yourself. · “You never knew just how dangerous thinking was…until now,” · “The first step in taking action is doing something.” · “Politically correct is an oxymoron.” · “I’m insane to protect my sanity.” · “Pentablagon!” or “Hexadecablagon!” · “Our school has a better crematorium than yours.” · “Look at me mayhemming all over the place.” · “My verbosity is an impediment to standard discourse.” · “Life as we know it is impossible without randomness entropy.” · “Every time you make something truly idiot-proof, they make a better idiot.” · “Just because it came out of my mouth doesn’t mean I was there for the thought process.” · “Being ambiguous will either lead to creativity or chaos. But usually chaos.” · “Logic is a conspiracy.” · “I get a point every time someone gives me a stupid look. I ended one day with 28 and three-quarter points.” [I usually get a point after saying this.] · “It takes 10 intelligent men to create a stupid comment, but it takes a true idiot to make something dumber.” (Doesn’t that just fit this book perfectly?) · “It’s OK if you don’t understand me. Half the time I don’t either.” Under the influence of Brian A good friend of mine, Brian, is a playwright and composes music. As a result, he is very witty and has contributed greatly to this book. Our quotes actually gave me the idea for this book. These are some of the many quotables from our conversations. · Whenever someone cracked a “yo momma” joke, the response is always “Your mom’s a crazy man.” · Or alternately, “Yes I know. My mom. Let’s talk about yours once in a while.” · “Take that, corporate America!” (This was independently invented by several people, but Brian is the first) · “Good job! You just killed the Internet!” · “…and then came the rats.” · Someone says something that isn’t really funny. “Cue the reverse rim shot.” · He would provide commentary, then end with “…in accordance with the prophecy.” · “Sorry, I just can’t seem to care.” · In the middle of an argument- “You’re the Dolly Ramah.” · “So this is what lockjaw is like.” · Sense is measured in fluid ounces. Something has to make less than 7 fl. Oz. to qualify for this book. · Brian’s customary greeting was stroking his “beard” thoughtfully. However, at one point he had broken his finger and had his first two fingers in a brace. An attempted greeting led to a new style of beard stroking- running two fingers down one side of your face, or the “Two-finger beard stroke.” · Anything that’s not name brand is “Kroger brand.” For example; an mp3 player is a “Kroger brand iPod.” · “And this guy… we have no idea where he’s from.” · “Le gasp!” or “Le sigh.” · “Pulling a Brian,”- appearing/disappearing suddenly. · “The sacred order of the Raidaryans”- a school spirit nazi organization. · “How dare you disgrace the song of the ha’penny?” Miscellaneous Quotes

This is a section for more great quotes that don’t go in any specific category. · “Never in its life was it ever alive.” · “Being prechorused is like eating strawberries after eating cantaloupe.” · “Sweet Meat” [---this story has been censored---] · “Egad! My face melted!” · “What? Chris has a birthday?” · “How many planks do you have in your political platform?” · “Those ugly hawks are contaminating the chicken!” · “Yes, because every school has a self-destruct button conveniently located on the outside of the school.” · “Stop being speciest!” · “Underlooking the overlying theme” · “You can’t kill me, I’m scheduled to die by cucumbers.” · “Why do you step up steps but not stare up stairs?” · “Yeah, well I’ll kill you back!” · *winces* “I think my train of thought just wrecked.” or “I just pulled an Amtrak.” · “An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but a shotgun works too.” · When put to the 20 questions game, the opposite of a tree is a kumquat. · “All preexisting cells come from…Mars!” · “Let’s play pass the H-bomb!” · “You are a pompous top hat.” · “Let’s play turn-based fencing.” · “I’m the victim of a drive-by erasing.” · “Su madre es su padre con queso.” · “Overanalysis can destroy the space-time continuum.” · A teacher was complaining that people steal pencils. “Your credit cards are next.” · “The past tense of blink is blunk.” · “If space is a vacuum, why can’t we find a brand name?” · “I want debit, not credit, in the grade book.” · “This is Momma Garret to Rubber Ducky, do you copy?” · “If Zach is fat, the rest of us live on McDonalds.” The Wonderful World of Test Prep Test prep, also known as logology or discreet math, is a by-invitation-only secret society comprised of selected students. The details of the class are confidential. All of the following occurred/started at test prep. The strange letters and words where discovered in the periodic warped games of Scrabble. · ƒ – (a curvy f) This letter is never pronounced the same way twice. The first syllable is always “fwl,” but after that it is completely random sounds. A voice crack is suggested for effect. It is reported to be taking over the alphabet. · ∟ - (an L on its side) This is stuck on the end of a word for emphasis. It is pronounced “FUH-chorus-line.” · Presnoop- snooping before you snoop. · Inonowerxes- Pronounced (IH-no-no-wer-kseys). Italian for “it doesn’t work”. · Logology- The study of studying, or study strategies. · “Sevvy-snapper” We have vowed to refer to the then eighth graders as “sevvies” for the rest of our lives. · Bipartisan- a game consisting solely of flipping over an object while yelling ‘Bipartisan!’ · “Squaria, squaria, squaria!” –Our math teacher’s favorite theorem, but none of us know what it is. · “Whatever Happened to Scribner?” · “beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep…” “OK, who kicked the outlet again?!?” · “You are a fig Newton of my imagination.” · Michael was re-writing his math worksheet. “Solve C” became “Solvent Constantimople” · “But I can’t count with letters!” · “Hi, Aaron!” “Hi, Aaron!” “Hi, Aaron!” “Hi, Aaron!” “Hi, Aaron!” (There’s two Aarons in Test Prep) · “It looks like math just barfed all over your calculator.” · “The gypsy vultures smell the vented spleen and swoop in from every direction.” · “Gypsies always travel in groups of pi.” · “What’s a Finnan, anyway?” · “Plug in five, no matter what the problem is.” · “Divide by verb! Divide by verb!” · “Acid…like a hermit!” · “Mortal Kombat!” “Grampus!” “Pi factorial!” “OMG! Entropy!” · “I have more brownie points than you.” · “I gave my brownie points to the needy.” · “Why is the light bulb green?!?” · “Mrs. Daniels, I’ve been stabbed. Can I go to the nurse?” · Tunneling is where an electron jumps from one place to another, kind of like teleporting. If you watch a herd of cows, they never move. They might take one or two steps, but are still in the same general position. However, if you go away for five minutes and then come back, there in a completely new position. The conclusion is cows tunnel. You could wake up with a herd of cows in your living room. Aaron the Quintuple Zombie Aaron was going through school as usual last year, but one day he suddenly didn’t show up. He was absent for the next month. Afterwards he came back to school, good as new. Throughout the last year or so, this happened again and again. Aaron admitted that he was dead during these periods. Later it came out that his father is a necromancer, using Aaron for experiments. · “So, I hear your father is a necromancer.” · “Aaron’s father is a pirate, ninja, and a crazy monkey, as well as a necromancer.” · “Aaron is a card-carrying junior necromancer.” · “Yeah…because all ninjas work on aircraft carriers.” · “I think Aaron is dead again.” · The phrase “ominously anonymous” stuck onto sentences. · “Let’s play Necromance Necromance Revolution.” · “Hollywood is in Japan.” · “---------------------------------------------------.” –Irving Washington · “Hey Aaron, I need you to define Newton’s third law for me.” · “Aaron’s father is a necromancer, and his mother is a white mage. It is very hard for him to die, and very hard to come back to life.” · “Aaron’s alive!” · “This programs legal license is, ‘It’s free.’ ” · “The answer to this problem isn’t on here! …Oh, that works too.” · “Squeebles squabble but they don’t fall down.” We assume you’re reading this…

My geometry teacher told us that you couldn’t make assumptions in math. So Brian and I set out to collect as many assumptions as we could required for standard math. A few are listed here. · The reader knows English · The paper you’re working on exists. · The reader is coherent. · The reader cares. Period. · The person agrees with someone else’s math theorems. · Physics applies to the paper. · All given numbers are base ten, and not, say, hexadecimal. · All given numbers are the same units. With no units, 2+3=14. · The student takes math on faith. You add two numbers together and a new number magically appears. That’s faith. · Logic has not been disproved... again. · The reader exists. · The reader is in this sector of probability. · We are using a number line, not a point, plane, cube, hypercube, or hairdryer. · Your assumptions are correct. Teacherisms

These are in-class events/quotes that don’t fit elsewhere. · On the board in a classroom, labeled “Time travel” 5 E (3X) = 32 15 E X = 32 · A math problem I encountered: “angle 1 = 30°. What is the measure of angle 1? · “How many aňos do you have?” · Coffee is a chemical reaction. You add to Mr. D and energy is given off. · “Why are we having a fire drill?” “Because it’s Columbus day!” · “I was paying attention this time, I might get this right..” · “OK, who put Huss on manner mode?” · “Mrs. Reis is wearing pink…again.” · “So what we have here is a bunch of molecules having a fistfight.” · “Entropy!” “You’re the third class today that’s said that! What was Mrs. Reis teaching you?!?” · “We secretly put alpha particles in this science teacher’s coffee. Let’s see what happens!” · “No-one has had the moxie to name an element after themselves.” “Haven’t you ever heard about Professor Uniuni? How about Colonel Hydrogen?” · “…but if the scientists are too lazy to draw them, THEY DON’T EXIST!” It’s a girl’s life. I am convinced that a girls mind is the one thing science will never understand. This is a collection of moments or quotes that express this. Sometimes. · “Now back to the topic we all like talking about… Me!” · “Yeah… Sammi decreed that Jessica can’t talk to you anymore.” · I have seen girls high on water. “Time to change the water filter.” · “What question did I just ask?” · “I don’t know why, I just think the French horn is funny” · Sammi was tossing an eraser back and forth between our desks while having conversation. Without really thinking about it, she went into a full softball overhand windup and beamed me in the face with it. · “Her aim with that eraser is improving.” · “That sounds like the book.” · “I’m not for sale!” · “So if I dropped quarters on bat people, you’d be OK?” “Yes!” · “Don’t put that in the book…Put that in the book!” · “Do you guys have an accent alliance?” · “Guys, look, she’s going to do something stupid.” · “It always does that…a lot.” · “I’m not a pub!” · “I think I’ll go home and stack cups.” · Advanced math: “2+2= a purple chair with fishes on it.” · “Ooh…look at the whale.” · “Don’t worry, I hate being a girl too.” · “It’s a dead sexy, purple polka dot bowtie and striped hat wearing mashed potato.” · “She’s doing the Michael headshake again.” “Does that mean I get a point?” · “Chris is just more fun to eat.” · “Where is Wyoming?” · “I’m nice sometimes, just not when you’re around.” · “Platform nine and three fourth quarters times twenty to the negative two” · “Your foot is in your mouth and your other is making its way in.” · “I could never date a bi guy, because I can’t compete with guys.”


As the title suggests, this is where the spiels go. · In order to disprove logic, you cannot use logic, so any illogical formula can disprove anything logical. What I ended up with is this: Ǿ±Σ+[2*cos¨³(√-5)+42(10^∞ ‰ 7) · Boyfriend=time*money Time is money. Boyfriend =money² Money is the root of all evil. Money=√(evil) Boyfriend=√(evil)² · “Academic Body Slam”- Two scientists are so opposed to the other’s opinion that they write entire books on how stupid the other person is. Yes, I have seen these. · The plural of moose is moose. A group of moose (plural) is a meese. A group of meese is a pile. · “Hey look! A clock!” “Wow, maybee we should name it. A big name, like Gigantic Benjamin.” · Breaking News: “The Pillsbury Doughboy died from repeated blows to the stomach.” “Humpedy Dumpedy was pushed.” “Smoky the Bear has retired and has been replaced by Pyro the Arsonist.” · Instead of using the word “frankly” it’s always “Georgely.” Nobody likes frank. · I gesticulated once. People died. In hindsight I probably should’ve just yelled. “Run, he’s got an ax!” · “So, how ‘bout them Yankees?” “I heard they were losing the revolution.” “Ah…What a pity.” “My money’s on the Raidaryans.” One Time at Band Camp…

Does this really need any explanation?!? · “Even if we duct taped her mouth shut, she’d still say she’s playing.” · “Your mom works 8 to 5.” · “Ooh…pants.” · “Guys, look like your set.” · “When someone tells you to get a life, go to EB Games and buy World of Warcraft.” · “Hey look…a depantsing machine.” · “British cars don’t come with brakes installed.”

Junk angel

Huh, sound?

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29th January 2007

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#2 11 years ago

Uh I know this one a bit too well :-[

·“What question did I just ask?”



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7th March 2006

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#3 11 years ago