*BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!* My alarm clock went off, releasing it's horrid tones that haunt me all too well. 5:25 A.M. I threw myself out of bed. As uncomfortable as it may have been, time was not a luxury. I had 35 minutes to take a shower and eat a big breakfast before I had to leave for school. Lather, rinse, repeat. Lather, rinse, repeat. Actions I may have performed while enduring such a divine rush of hot water, but then again, I never learned what lather means. I dried myself off with my towel that smells like mold. They all smell like mold. No matter which towel I pick out, I have to worry about coming out of the bathroom possibly smelling like mold. As I inspected the smells of my body with thorough sniffs, I walked to the kitchen to prepare my pancakes-bacon-corn flakes breakfast. I microwaved the pancakes, and drowned them in syrup. Next came the task of microwaving the bacon. As for corn flakes, I vary between microwaving and simple enjoying them with a bowl of milk. With great gusto, I scarf down my breakfast. Just as quickly as I entered, I leave the kitchen to brush my teeth. "Just a few minutes until it's time to leave," I thought to myself. I like to spend a good three to five minutes brushing my teeth. No history of ever having a tooth problem, and I don't intend to ruin that record now, or ever. Backpack on shoulder, I head to the computer desk to get an allergy relief pill. I flip the light switch to turn on the light above the computer. Nothing lit up. I thought nothing of it, and gulped down an allergy pill in the dark. I head off to school for an early-release day. "Early-release day." The very term brings back memories. Memories from before "the man" changed early-release time from 10:32 A.M. to 11:55 A.M. Everyone misses those days, but what can we do about it? Nothing. We just grit our teeth and tolerate the new standard. School is over before I know it. Nothing particularly interesting ever happens. Most of the day I'm in zone-out mode. Boy, was I glad to finally get home. "I'm gonna have so much extra time to read Chapter 2 of the C++ introduction e-book," I thought. "I've been slacking lately." I go into the house, throw my backpack on my bed, and turn the computer on. I walk slowly into the kitchen to fix me up a chicken patty. I'm in no rush. The computer takes eons to finish starting up. In a few minutes, I come back to the computer desk with my chicken patty. I sit down and log onto Filefront Gaming Forums, my traditional first order of business. A post here, a post there, calling Dragonelf68 a fag there, and boom! I'm done! It was time to start learning more C++. I open the PDF file for Chapter 2. I read through one paragraph before my eyes start to burn from staring at the screen in a dim lighting. Without thinking, I flip the light switch on. Nothing came on. "Oh yeah," I thought as I remembered the problem with the light earlier in the morning. I continued to think nothing more of it, and went on with my reading. A few minutes pass. My eyes are burning, more intensely than before. Involuntarily, I flip the light switch. A facepalm was then delivered to my face as I came to terms with the error I just made. "Of course, the light burnt out." At this point, I was questioning whether or not to continue reading. Few things are more uncomfortable than staring at a computer screen in the dark. Perhaps having sex with a fat chick is more uncomfortable, but I wouldn't know. I don't swing that way. I adjourn to the candy bowl to get a box of Junior Mints. All that's left is Junior Mints and Milk Duds, and I'll be damned if I pick Milk Duds over Junior Mints. As I eat all of my mint chocolates, I stroll back to the computer. I flip the light switch again, and again to no avail. When the lights don't work, I feel helpless. I start to panic. I continuously flip the light switch back and forth. "Work, damn it!" My shouts went unheeded. Either the light bulb was dead, or it was being quite rude. Pacing around the room, I consider my options, and what I should do. Do something else besides do stuff on the computer? Ridiculous. Consider my other options? Only a buffoon does such things. What I had to do was clear - Endure the darkness engulfing the computer area. Balls to my eyeballs! An hour passes by. I'm sitting in my chair, fetal position, rocking back and forth. Back and forth. Back and forth. Back and forth. My eyes are as big as dinner plates. A quiet mumbling travels through the room. My hand is still flipping the light switch. I shout, "Work, damn it...work.....work..........FOR ALL THAT IS HOLY, I COMMAND YOU TO WORK!" My head lays on the desk as I bang my arms. I was on the verge of insanity. Hours turn into what seems like days. I wasn't sure how much longer I could hold out. That's when it hit me - it was time to go to guitar lessons. Faster than the speed of light, I dart to the car to get to the music store. "I'll pick up a light bulb while I'm out," I thought to myself. Was this it? Was salvation possibly upon me? The excitement was overflowing. Guitar lessons zoom by, and before I know it, I'm prancing to the light bulb store like a British man who just stole a butterfly from someone. "SUCCESS," I shout to the heavens, as I purchase a light bulb at the checkout counter. The clerk was startled and everyone in the store was staring at me, but that didn't matter. I had my light bulb. The world was OK now. Balance had been restored to the force. I head home as fast as Missouri state law will allow me. It was tempting to accelerate to 100 miles per hour and drive through the grass, with total disregard for pedestrians and passing fruit stands. *SPOOSH.* *Click.* The door to the garage closes. I run to the computer area with my brown plastic bag in hand. The moment I've been waiting for has arrived. Slowly, I open the plastic bag. There it was - the receipt for the light bulb. There was no light bulb. "What?? Where could it have gone?!" I thought. Now I was in full panic mode. So many questions were racing through my mind. It couldn't have fallen out of the bag while I was walking. It would have made a sound. It must have slipped out of the bag onto the car seat. I rush to the car. There was no light bulb on the seat. I plant my face into the seat and start crying. Minutes passed. Eventually, I went inside the house, riddled with grief. I mope to the computer chair and plop myself into it. I flip the light switch. A split second later, I throw my face onto the desk and cry. There was no hope. I had lost everything. I get up and go into the car to get another light bulb. I was still tearing up. Then, by a miracle sent from the heavens, I notice something in a cardboard holder shining under my seat. It was...MY LIGHTBULB! I grab the light bulb and dart out of the car. Jumping for joy, dancing around like a little girl waiting for the ice cream man, I shout "YAY!" over and over. I run into the house and head straight for the computer area. I look up at the old, dead light bulb. "Hello, old friend," I say to it. Using the computer chair to reach the dead light bulb, I unscrew it, kiss it goodbye, and throw it onto the soft green chair a few feet away. I look at the new light bulb, still in its cardboard holder. "The time has come. It's your time to shine," I said to the light bulb. *RRRIP rip rip* goes the cardboard. Slowly, the light bulb screws in. It was like making sweet love to a fine woman. The light bulb refuses to turn more. The moment of truth arrives. I step down onto the floor, and aim my hand at the light switch. Careful not to upset it, I gently flip the switch up. The light bulb turns on. It was as if every person in the world was cheering and applauding, rooting me on, giving out whistles of excitement at the newfound source of light. But they weren't. That didn't matter though. I had my new light bulb.
I've alerted the people in tinychat.
Speaking of which, get the fuck in tinychat.
24th October 2007
Get the fuck in tinychat.
You'll never walk alone.
18th June 2008
I say. A fine read.
28th October 2005
I like what I read, I couldn't read it all as the spacing was burning my mind, I'll try again when I'm not so tired.
Also, dailysyndromegrouppage that is all.
You'll never walk alone.
18th June 2008
I don't think that RGC can drive though.
I must admit, I feel this is not one of my best works.
Also, I couldn't figure out how to get the picture to look like a rectangular book cover. No one was too disappointed by this, were they?
GET IN TINYCHAT REDGROUPCLAN!
Masterbate! Masterbate! I must not assimilate!