What? Too Much? 18 replies

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Hawkeye18z

livE raW doG

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6th August 2005

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#1 13 years ago

My daughter seems to think that my simple dating rules will have a negative impact on her social life.

10 SIMPLE RULES FOR DATING MY DAUGHTER

1 If you pull into my driveway and honk you’d better be delivering a package, because you’re sure not picking anything up. 2 You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off my daughter’s body, I will remove them. 3 I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loose, that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don’t take this as an insult, but you and all your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist. 4 I’m sure you’ve been told that in today’s world, sex without utilizing a “barrier method” of some kind, can kill you. Let me elaborate: when it come to sex, I am the barrier, and I will Kill You. 5 In order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics and other issues of the day. Please, do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only thing I need from you on this subject is whenever you say, “yes sir”. 6 I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry. 7 As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than one hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. Instead of just standing there, why don’t you do something useful, like changing the oil in my truck? 8 The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there aren’t any parents, police, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts or anything other than overalls, a sweater and a goose down parka zipped up to her throat. Movies with strong romantic or sexual themes are prohibited. Movies that feature chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better. 9 Do not lie to me. I may appear normal but, on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have an unregistered .45, a shovel, and 100 acres behind my house. Do not trifle with me. 10 Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway, for a chopper coming in over the desert, just outside of Kuwait City. When my Gulf War Syndrome starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean all my guns, as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car--there’s no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.




Dipship

Smarter than your average stump.

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26th June 2003

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#2 13 years ago
3 I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loose, that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don’t take this as an insult, but you and all your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Hear hear!

Oh yeah, and my truck needs an oilchange.


When in doubt, gas it!



Cap'n Rommel

The Good

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7th August 2004

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#3 13 years ago

lolz




darkclone

116,900 XP

10th April 2006

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#4 13 years ago
Places where there is dancing, holding hands or happiness.

That's a little over the top. But otherwise they're basic rules. How old is your daughter anyway? (Just asking)




Guns4Hire

I'm too cool to Post

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22nd September 2002

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#5 13 years ago
darkclone;3246214 How old is your daughter anyway? (Just asking)

WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH




darkclone

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10th April 2006

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#6 13 years ago

Would that be the sound of an unregistered .45 bullet coming at me?

[COLOR="Purple"][COLOR=Purple]* darkclone[/COLOR] runs for the hills.[/COLOR]




Guns4Hire

I'm too cool to Post

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22nd September 2002

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#7 13 years ago

Buck Shot




darkclone

116,900 XP

10th April 2006

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#8 13 years ago

Oh bugger..




the1chaos Advanced Member

I pretend to do stuff.

100,595 XP

16th January 2004

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#9 13 years ago

:vikki:




Hawkeye18z

livE raW doG

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6th August 2005

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#10 13 years ago

darkclone;3246214How old is your daughter anyway? (Just asking)[/quote] 2 daughters aged 15 & 20 My wife & kids don't know that the phones I bought them have them low-jacked. I can see where they are w/my phone or pc.

[quote=darkclone;3246233]Would that be the sound of an unregistered .45 bullet coming at me?

[COLOR=Purple][COLOR=Purple]* darkclone[/COLOR] runs for the hills.[/COLOR]

Something like this...http://www.smokymtnmaxx.com/pond.avi

You ran the wrong way. I live in the hills. :chuckle:




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