15th December 2002
We need to liven things up a little bit.....
- Firstly, away with the speelchecker ;) Spelling aint mattering in this thread.
- Next, you must stop worrying, and leave all problems outside this thread.
- Now you must be prepared to laugh, and to make others laugh
- You cant take offence ;)
I think thats the total criteria for this thread. Ok, now, if ya sorted to have a laugh without havin MS Word on standby for spell checking.... your sorted ;)
In this thread, this is what is allowed:
- Funny Pictures
- Funny storys
- Anything that will make people laugh.
What is not allowed in this thread:
- Miserable faces
Ok, lets start ;) with some funny pictures :naughty:
And some jokes:
[color=navy]50 Things To Do In a Public Toilet: [/color]1. Comment: "Pooh, who did that?" 2. Complement people on their shoes. 3. Introduce yourself to the person in the next stall. Strike up a conversation. 4. Provide 'strenuous' sound effects. 5. Ask the person in the next stall if there's anything swimming in their bowl... 6. Discuss the pros and cons of laxatives. 7. Scream " Oh my GOD! What the hell is THAT?" 8. Simulate a drug deal. 9. Pretend to fall in (with appropriate sound effects). 10. Roll Easter Eggs under the doors. 11. Start a sing-a-long. 12. Act schizophrenically. 13. Knock on the doors of occupied stalls and ask if there is anyone in there. If so, ask if they are busy.... 14. Masquerade as a door-to-door salesman. 15. Ask loudly "When does the movie start?" 16. Write 'nerdy' graffiti like "Please wash your hands. Thank you." 17. Kick in stall doors, camera in hand. 18. Pour water over the stall door onto occupant. 19. Say "Oops... missed" while syringing water out around the bowl and under the walls and door into other stalls. 20. Rub chocolate on your hands, reach under the door and say, "Hey Mate. Got any toilet paper? 21. At night, switch off the lights. 22. Run around naked yelling, "Where's the fish?" 23. Collect a door charge. 24. Ask "Is there a doctor in the house?" 25. Impersonate Elvis. Be convincing. 26. Ask whether anyone can see your pet sewer rat/river python/axolotl. 27. Write essay questions on the toilet paper. 28. Put cling-film over the toilet bowl. 29. Offer refreshments. 30. Replace rolls of toilet paper with rolls of sand paper. 31. Run in, yelling "Free Willy!" 32. Charge admission. 33. Electrify metal urinals. 34. Leave a ladle in the toilet bowl. 35. One word: "GOLDFISH!" 36. Make a jelly in the bowl. 37. Place a sign advertising "Driver's side airbags" as standard. 38. Remove stall doors. 39. Glue seat and cover down to bowl. 40. Place signs warning of 24-hour video surveillance. 41. Make stall doors lockable only from the OUTSIDE. 42. Put itching powder on the toilet seats. 43. Leave a fried egg floating in the bowl. 44. Replace soap in dispenser with custard. 45. Completely soak the towel in the towel dispenser, or the paper towels if available. 46. Make kitty litter trays that fit into toilet bowls. 47. Replace condoms in vending machine with tampons (or vice versa). 48. In one stall, attach the toilet bowl to roof. (Advice for young players: Don't leave the water in while you do this) 49. Create a crime scene complete with police tape and chalk silhouette. 50. I wonder how many people read these.
-50 FUN THINGS TO DO AT A RETAIL STORE (EX. WALMART)-
1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.
2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.
3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten-minute intervals throughout the day.
4. Start playing Calvinball; see how many people you can get to join in.
5. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the air spray fresheners.
6. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.
7. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.
8. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.
9. When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially on thin, narrow aisles.
10. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a Code 3 in Housewares," and see what happens.
11. Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn the volumes up to "10."
12. Play with the automatic doors.
13. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven't seen you in so long...!" etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment.
14. While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear, "Who BUYS this crap any way?"
15. Repeat number 14 in the jewelry department.
16. Ride a display bicycle through the store, claim your taking it for a "test drive."
17. Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the department.
18. Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as your playing field.
19. As the cashier runs your purchase over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, "Wow! Magic!"
20. Put M&Ms on Lay Away.
21. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.
22. Set up a tent in the Camping Department, tell other you'll only invite them if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.
23. Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch from other aisles."
24. Ask other customers if they have any Gray Poupon.
25. Drape a blanket around your shoulder and run around saying, "...I'm Batman. Come, Robin-to the Bat Cave!"
26. TP as much of the store as possible.
27. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.
28. Play with calculators so they all spell "hello" upside down.
29. When someone asks you if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"
30. When two or three people are walking in front of you, run between them yelling, "Red Rover!"
31. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there any in stock; i.e. "Do you have any Shnerples here?"
32. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting a full-scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.
33. Take bets on the battle described above.
34. Nonchalantly "test" the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.
35. While handling guns in the Hunting Department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are. Act as spastic as possible.
36. Hold in-door shopping cart races.
37. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission: Impossible."
38. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.
39. Attempt to fit others into very large gyn bags.
40. Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies?"
41. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.
42. Two words: "Marco Polo."
43. Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillow in the Pet Food aisle, etc.
44. "Re-Alphabetize" the CD's in Electronics.
45. In the Auto Department, practice your "Madonna" look with various funnels.
46. When someone steps away from his or her cart to look at something, quickly make off with it without saying a word.
47. Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.
48. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "No, no! It's those voices again!"
49. Pay off lay-aways fifty cents at a time.
50. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If the store has a food court, by a soft drink and explain to them that you don't get out much, and ask them if they can put a little umbrella in it.
15th December 2002
:lol: :lol: LMAO!!!
-- My Observations...
1) Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones. 2) At the end of every party there is always a girl crying. 3) One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your pint to toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger. 4) You've never quite sure whether it's ok to eat green crisps. 5) Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008 into a calculator. 6) Reading when you're drunk is horrible. 7) Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly. 8) You're never quite sure whether it's against the law or not to have a fire in your back garden. 9) Nobody ever dares make cup a soup in a bowl. 10) You never know where to look when eating a banana. 11) Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat. 12) Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly. 13) Rummaging in an overgrown garden will always turn up a bouncy ball. 14) You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses. 15) Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school. 16) The most embarrassing thing you can do as schoolchild is to call your teacher mum or dad. 17) The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the first given opportunity. 18) Some days you see lots of people on crutches. 19) Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee flushed half way through and then raced against the flush. 20) Old women with mobile phones look wrong! 21) Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee. 22) Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited. 23) You never ever run out of salt. 24) Old ladies can eat more than you think. 25) You can't respect a man who carries a dog. 26) There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've got your hand or head stuck in something. 27) No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers. 28) Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had their arm broken by a swan. 29) The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on an upturned plug. 30) People who don't drive slam car doors too hard. 31) You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood specifically to stir paint with. 32) Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose. 33) Bricks are horrible to carry. 34) In every plate of chips there is a bad chip1
15th December 2002
Women are like web servers
400 BAD REQUEST: a rendezvous without flowers 401 UNAUTHORIZED: I'm married 402 PAYMENT REQUIRED: candle-light dinner 403 FORBIDDEN: don't even think about it 404 NOT FOUND: today is the girls' night out 405 METHOD NOT ALLOWED: anal out of the question 406 METHOD NOT ACCEPTABLE: blowjobs out of the question 407 PROXY AUTHORIZATION REQUIRED: I have to ask Mom first 408 REQUEST TIMEOUT: when did you last call? 409 CONFLICT: who was that blonde? 411 LENGTH REQUIRED: you call this "big"? 412 PRECONDITION FAILED: you don't have a condom? 413 REQUEST ENTITY TOO LARGE: won't fit! 415 UNSUPPORTED MEDIA TYPE: foursomes out of the question 500 INTERNAL SERVER ERROR: period 501 NOT IMPLEMENTED: have never tried that 503 SERVICE UNAVAILABLE: headache 504 GATEWAY TIMEOUT: that's all?
DOWNLOAD COMPLETE: "God! You were FAN-TASTIC! " SERVER NOT AVAILABLE: keep getting that #### answering machine... ILLEGAL OPERATION: *SLAP!* "Where the #### do think you're putting that?!?!"
15th December 2002
15th December 2002
I Know this is a bad taste, but as all trekkies or scientists will know, this will be very funny:
15th December 2002
lol i can see it now.... "Sponsor a tank!!!!! Tap the military market!" Where'd ya get all this good stuff?