Hey anyone got some good jokes? here's one [color=black] [color=white][color=black]In a catholic primary school's cafeteria, there was[/color][/color][color=white] [color=black]a large pile of apples on the end of a table, with a note [/color] [color=black](which one of the nuns placed there) saying: "Take one only, GOD is watching"[/color] [color=black]A little further down the lunch line, at the other end of the table, [/color] [color=black]there is a huge pile of Chocolate Chip cookies, with a note put there by [/color] [color=black]one of the children saying:"Take all the cookies you want, God is watching the Apples"[/color] MOD EDIT: removed link all together, whether accidental or not DO NOT post that link again. ps Hotbar is spyware :p [/color][/color]
LOL heres one
a guy gets pulled over by a cop the cop says congrlations you just won 1000$ in a safety contest for wearing your seat belt then the cop askes what will you do with the money so the guy replies mabey ill go back to driving school to get my licanse then the women sitting next to him and says dont listen to him hes always sober when he drinks the the guy in the back seat wakes up and says damn i knew we wouldnt get farr in a stolen car then the cop heres a konck from the trunk and a voice speeking spanish asks are we over the border yet
11th November 2003
A blind man was standing on the corner with his dog when the dog raised his leg and wet on the man's trouser leg. The man reached in his pocket and took out a doggie biscuit. A busybody who had been watching ran up to him and said, "You shouldn't do that. He'll never learn anything if you reward him when he does something like that!". The blind man retorted, "I'm not rewarding him. I'm just trying to find his mouth so that I can kick him in the ass". :lol: here's one.
LMAO, haha, good 1. Here's another. A couple from Minneapolis decided to go to Florida for a long weekend to thaw out during one particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years before.
Because both had jobs they found it difficult to coordinate their travel schedules, so it was decided that the husband would fly to Florida on a Thursday, and his wife would follow him the next day.
Upon arriving as planned, the husband checked into the hotel. In his room there was a computer so he decided to send his wife an e mail back in Minneapolis. However, he accidentally left out one letter in address, and sent the e-mail, without realizing his error.
In Houston, a widow had just returned from her husband's funeral. The dearly departed was a minister who had been called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow checked her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. Upon reading the first message, she fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My Loving Wife Subject: I've Arrived
You're probably surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.
P. S. Sure is hot down here!
My Bite is worse than my Bark
20th September 2003
two guys were flying in a helecopter when it became very foggy. They saw a building in front of them so the pilot flew closer to it, he made a sign that said "were are we?" and the people in the building made a sign that said " your in a helecopter". So the pilot took out a map, flew the plane to an airfield and landed. the other guy in the plane asked : how did you figure out where we were?. and the pilot replied " I figured we we at the microsoft building, because the answer was tecnicly corect, but totaly usless.
LOL is that from readers digest i ment this for darth spooky
GF is my bext friend *hugs GF*
26th November 2003
i dont really have good jokes.. :uhm:
11th November 2003
A duck walks into a bar and orders a beer and a sandwich.
The bartender looks at him and says, "But you're a duck."
"I see your eyes are working," replies the duck.
"And you talk!" exclaims the bartender.
"I see your ears are working," says the duck, "Now can I have my beer and my sandwich, please?"
"Certainly," says the bartender, "sorry about that, it's just we don't get many ducks in this pub. What are you doing round this way?"
"I'm working on the building site across the road," explains the duck.
So the duck drinks his beer, eats his sandwich, pays and leaves. This continues for 2 weeks. Then one day the circus comes to town. The ringleader of the circus comes into the pub and the bartender tells him about the incredible talking duck.
"Marvelous!" says the ringleader, "get him to come see me."
So the next day, the duck comes into the pub. The bartender says, "Hey, Mr Duck, I lined you up with a top job paying really good money!"
"Yeah?" says the duck, "Sounds great, where is it?"
"At the circus" says the bartender.
"The circus?" the duck inquires.
"That's right," replies the bartender.
"The circus? That place with the big tent? With all the animals? With the big canvas roof with the hole in the middle?" asks the duck.
"That's right!" says the bartender.
The duck looks confused and asks: "What do they want with a plasterer?"
husband to wife "i'm feeling so depressed today"wife" why honey?" husband "i'ts just that at times i feel so alone and useless"wife "oh you don't have to feel so alone. a lot of people think your useless"
Here be another.
btw nowereman it's darth sporky, not spooky ;)
We purchased an old home in Northern New York State from two elderly sisters. Winter was fast approaching and I was concerned about the house's lack of insulation. "If they could live here all those years, so can we!" my husband confidently declared.
One November night the temperature plunged to below zero, and we woke up to find interior walls covered with frost. My husband called the sisters to ask how they had kept the house warm. After a rather brief conversation, he hung up. "For the past 30 years," he muttered, "they've gone to Florida for the winter." sooo sry bout that mods, i truely didnt know.