The Smacktard Test. Version 2.0 -1 reply

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Not Rude Dude

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21st October 2002

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#1 15 years ago

Post subject: The Smacktard Test. Version 2.0

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Here is the second version of my world famous (infamous?) Smacktard Test. All players should be able to pass this test before they should be allowed to play on any multiplayer server.

These came from all sorts of different sources so if you see something about you, it was completely unintentional. (maybe. LOL)

Please feel free to add to this test.


Question 1. If you show up as a red arrow on that little map thingie, your enemies names will show up as what color? A. Red. B. Blue. C. Periwinkle. D. None of the above.

Question 2. If you were showing up as a red arrow before; and after dying, you notice you now show up as a blue arrow, what happened? A. It must be a bug in the game. (I should find a forum to flame about this in!) B. It must be this lousy Microsoft operating system. C. You were auto-switched because the teams were uneven. D. It must be that bad netcode stuff I keep hearing about!

Question 3. You should only worry about your teams flags when you only have one left. True or False.

Question 4. A well trained engineer (greasemonkey) with a bolt-action rifle should be just as deadly "one on one" as a well trained foot soldier with a machine gun. True or False.

Question 5. A well trained engineer (greasemonkey) with a bolt-action rifle should be just as accurate at sniping, as a well trained scout using a special sniper rifle with a scope. True or False.

Question 6. A well trained medic with a machine gun should be just as deadly "one on one" as a trained foot soldier with a better machine gun. True or False.

Question 7. Anytime someone drives off in your jeep or tank, or TK's you, or does anything to you that you don't like: A. They did it on purpose. B. Everyone saw it happen and now thinks you are a total loser. C. It is now your duty to get even with them no matter how many other people you make miserable with your TK's, flaming messages, and etc. D. All of the above. E. None of the above. (Just let it go pal.)

Question 8. How come this game does not play with the same exact FPS as another game I played? A. It must be a bug in the game. B. It must be this lousy Microsoft operating system. C. Because this is not the same game. D. It must be that bad netcode stuff I keep hearing about!

Question 9. Just because you were standing near a plane that just spawned, and someone got into it before you did, you should try to shoot down whoever got into the plane first. True or False.

Question 10. If I find myself on a server full of smacktards, I am bound by law to stay on that same server. True or False.

Question 11. If I find something I don't like about the game, I should complain as much as possible, instead of finding out if most people agree with me, and then posting some constructive feedback where the game designers might actually see it. True or False.

Question 12. How come the AI bots don't act like real humans do? A. It must be a bug in the game. B. It must be this lousy Microsoft operating system. C. Its because they are not real humans. D. It must be that bad netcode stuff I keep hearing about.

Question 13. If driving past a group of players on foot, and you hear a request for a pickup, and then see a flashing yellow arrow near you on that little map thingie, what should you do? A. Nothing, just keep on driving. (Screw em'! Let them get their own jeep.) B. Let them get real close and then drive off! (Repeat if you can.) C. Stop and let them get in. D. Crash into a tree.

Question 14. Skill in another game equates to skill in this game. True or False.

Question 15. Getting the high score means you are the coolest person on the server. True or False.

Question 16. You should park all ships as close to shore as possible, so that you can swim to shore. True or False.

Question 17. An engineer that spawns on a damaged ship should not use up his "wrench pool" fixing the ship before heading to shore. True or False.

Question 18. All LAG issues are due to bad network code and lousy developers, and are never due to dialup connections, inadequate DSL/Cable servers, your ISP, or that cobbled together PC of yours. True or False.

Question 19. Just because you are in a plane means you should drop bombs on every other plane on the map even the ones near bases that your team occupies. True or False.

Question 20. No one ever trips or falls when running down stairs, or when running down hills, and subsequently injures themselves or even sprains an ankle. True or False. (Ok, so this is really a tiny glitch that I explained with some "induced" realism. So sue me.)

Question 21. If you are playing CTF and you are riding shotgun in a jeep, and the jeep you are in gets close to the flag carrier who is on foot and asking for a pick up, what should you do? A. Not move. (Hey, you got there first!) B. Go AFK and get a soda. C. Bang your head like in that weenie movie. (HaHa! I love that clip!) D. Get out of the #$%+'ing jeep!

Question 22. If you are a pilot with a passenger or passengers, and you notice that you are about to crash, or get shot down, you should: A. Become a kamikaze. B. Pick a direction and fly until you are considered a deserter. (giggle) C. Attempt a hammer stall. D. Press F6, then F7, and then bail out. E. Fly up, stall, and screw the bastard!! (laugh at him crash into the tiger as you para)*additional choice by CrZyBoY379 F. Press F6, F7. He bails out then you do a quick turn around while he is parachuting down and ram into him sending him into your propeller and killing him instantly(ff in on of course). Then limp back to your home airfield or carrier and point your plane at the smacktards camping there right before you bail out. *additional choice by DeathsHead

Question 23. When playing as a medic and you see a teammate near you that has a number floating o'er their head that is less than 50, what should you do? A. Run up to them with your Med Pack out and then type the message; "No soup for you!" and then run away. B. Ask them if they would like a Band-Aid. C. Heal them without asking just because YOU ARE A MEDIC FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! D. Drop a grenade at their feet to check to see if friendly fire is on.


The rest of these questions are for extra credit just in case you are already failing the test.


Teamwork and support play in this game is? A. Not shooting your own team. (as much as you could do). B. Standing by the airfield for half the map because they've been taken and you want one. C. Not worrying about your personal kills but trying to be as helpful as you can with your classes unique skills and realising that vehicles arn't everything, as long as someone on your side gets it. D. Running off in opposite direction to everyone else because you've just seen a tank spawn 2 miles away on your map *Question submitted by Lagster:

If you see the health on your tank/jeep/plane/etc, increasing; then you should? A. Drive off and not pay any attention to the engineer who is running after you B. Back-up and run over whomever is messing with your vehicle. C. Get out of your vehicle and run off. D. Wait for the engineer to repair your vehicle, and attempt to keep the engineer alive in case your vehicle needs repairs again. *Question submitted by Shootme

You're flying, and you see a tank about to blow your APC full of allies away what should you do? A. Just take up the plane joyriding some more. B. Collide with your own APC. (Die you bastards!!!!!) C. Bomb the tank. D. Hit a tree. *Question submitted by CrZyBoY379

You see a ally and an enemy fighting your ally has a rocket launcher and so does your enemy your in a jeep what should you do? A. Try running the enemy down. (even though he sees you and his rocket is facing you) B. Try knifing them. (AIIIIIIYYYYEEEEEEE!!!) C. Sit on your ass. D. Pull out your BAR and gun the enemy down. E. Run them both over and hope FF isn't on. *additional choice by Lagster *Question submitted by CrZyBoY379

Your flying and you see 10 of your teammates "camping the airfield" what should you do? A. Tell them to get their asses up and fight. (ramming a hill while typing) B. Eject and try to hit one of them. (DIEEEEEEE) C. Ram the bastards down!!!!! D. Watch the german tiger roll up and blast the center of em all (spread shot!!!!) :p E. Fly upside down to show off, but over-correcting your flight and crash directly into the middle of them killing yourself, all of your team, and letting the enemy take that last base flag while you are waiting to respawn. *additional choice by DeathsHead *Question submitted by CrZyBoY379

When you are a sniper, and you hear multiple calls for artillery TARGETS; what should you do? A. Wonder what the hell they're yelling for, and start flaming 'em B. You take your binoculars and click on every enemy you see. (and that certainly includes flying airplanes!!) C. You think it makes more sense to kill some teammates,and act accordingly. D. You take you binoculars, find a good spot, select the target, go away; and stay alive for at least 2 minutes. *Question submitted by Capt Hawkeye

If you're an Engineer and the enemy is overrunning your spawn, what should you do? A. Lay mines and exp packs and destroy their armor and any unfortunate enemy that gets close. B. Mutilate your dead teamate's bodies with your knife! C. Pile up 30 expacks and then detonate them while standing on top of them (sending yourself into a geosynchronous orbit and to safety!!!) D. Hide and wait for enemies to go by you. Then chase after them and shadow them as close as you can for as long as possible. (The ultimate goal being the all important knife kill right when they turn around)!!! E. Decide your situation is hopeless and surrender to the enemy. You've heard great things about the German POW camps and how well you will be treated. You're tired of this war and just want good food and to stop having to work so hard. F. Take out your pistol and shoot your teammates to eternity because that makes you more popular. (really true!!!!) *additional choice by Capt Hawkeye *Question submitted by DeathsHead


I want to be like the Admins

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27th November 2002

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#2 15 years ago


But I think that Deathshead has some issues to work out.

But that is what this game is good for: There is an therapeutic element in blowing up a Tiger with a well placed det-pack


I'm too cool to Post

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28th December 2002

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#3 15 years ago

HAHA, I laugh my *** off. :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: Really a good one. Is someone checking the tests results ?

Maybe you want to include this one:

If your score reads 0 - 0 - 7 at the end of the battle, what do you thing you have done wrong ? (Multiple answers maybe right)

A. Nothing. I´ve been so good - the server thinks I´m James Bond ! B. The server didn´t count all my numerous hits due to lag. C. It must be this lousy Microsoft operating system. D. Mayby, I´ve been plane camping all day long and can´t even takeoff properly. E. I´m a real threat (not for the enemy - just for my team) and should really complete this test, to learn at least the basics. F. It must be that bad netcode stuff I keep hearing about!



I'm too cool to Post

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28th December 2002

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#4 15 years ago

Oh, one more:

What do you do, if you spawn on a carrier and you see 10 team mates standing on the flight deck ? (multiple answers possible)

A. I´ll ask them, if they leave the next plane to me. B. I hope that friendly fire is on, kill them all and get the next plane. C. I move my butt into the next AA-gun to defend the carrier. D. If friendly fire is off, I start shooting and throw grenades at my team mates so they fall aboard and take the next plane. E. I take a landing craft and assist my mates on the shore. F. I take the captains position of the carrier and beach it. G. I tell them to start fighting. H. I take the captains position and drive the carrier straight to the enemy.