Weekly Poll Results - You are an Imperial Guardsman, you see a squad of Khorne B

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Published by Sl4sh 9 years ago , last updated 11 months ago

 

You are an Imperial Guardsman, you see a squad of Khorne Berzerkers coming towards you! What do you do?

You charge in blindly! FOR THE EMPEROR!!! 35.2% (948)
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You make a joke for them: What does a Berzerker eat for breakfast? He eats KHORNE Flakes! 20% (539)
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You "accidentally" shoot at the Commisar, and score a headshot, which kills him. 15.6% (421)
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You surrender, and join the forces of Chaos! Damn traitor! 11% (297)
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Your moral breaks, and now you can run faster towards safety. 9.4% (255)
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You yell IMBA!!!! 8.4% (227)
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Total: 2687
Start: 12-08-2008 18:14
Last: 12-17-2008 23:38



 #1 - oops my trigger slipped - Posted by: The_Maticore (Member) on 12-08-2008 at 19:58

heh i don't care what the commisar thinks, charging beserkers or any chaos marines for that matter is dumb when all you have is a lousy bayonet. so you kill the silly man cleanly with a shot to the face and then volly the hell outta them marines or better yet call in some artillery or help of anykind. i dunno who these Guard are that are just charging the blood-craved loonies but i sure hope i don't get put in the same sqaud as them. fellow guard i ask you whats better, 1 dead commisar or many disembowled guard and 1 dead commisar? think about it :)

 #2 - Posted by: WarriorBourne (Member) on 12-08-2008 at 20:04

*Yells:*IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA, tbh.

 #3 - Posted by: TDATL (Member) on 12-08-2008 at 21:29

In 40k you are either destined for greatness on a large scale or to die as a passing extra. So your best bet is: Charge blindly and hope you are a important character in the making. Its really your only hope to live. Because if you aren't a Space Marine you are either cannon fodder or a future character in the making. Even lowly grunts, scouts, or neophytes can fell a Berserker or other creature of doom as a toddler if they are destined to be a chapter master, General, or some such. Even Space Marines are not exempt from this rule. They are merely resistant to it. That have equal chance of just fading into obscurity.

 #4 - Posted by: woopler (Member) on 12-08-2008 at 22:28

what is imba

 #5 - Don't like the odds - Posted by: martlew (Member) on 12-08-2008 at 23:07

so these are the outcomes: 1) gets you killed garunteed. but you'd die a hero (just like the other 80,000 guardsmen that just dropped in on the initial planetfall code-named "meatshield phase III") 2) khorne bezerkers do not eat common breakfast cereals and so would not get the joke (might confuse them long enough to start on option 5 though) 3)Khorne bezerkers do not take prisoners unless they want a quick snack for later 4)what makes you think the commisar hasn't thought of that, (that's why HE stands behind YOU) 5) outrun a space marine on combat drugs? 6) what is this IMBA? i say stop and fire what is hopefully a meltagun preferrably from behind someone you don't give rats arse about (while shouting IMBA!!! on the off-chance that it does something)

 #6 - Posted by: Sl4sh (Staff) on 12-09-2008 at 00:08

IMBA means imbalanced. People usually say that when a unit a imbalanced vs another unit

 #7 - Posted by: Taylorkiller (Member) on 12-09-2008 at 00:32

You charge in blindly! FOR THE EMPEROR!!! if your going to die u might as well die in style against some beserkers than get shot by your commisar for running away like a coward, but i would shot IMBA on the way in as well, come on a single beserker could take a guardsmen squad, let alone an entire squad of the blood thirsty monsters!

 #8 - Posted by: Saekhor (Member) on 12-09-2008 at 05:32

You turn to Chaos, obviously that is the best way forward. ^^

 #9 - Posted by: Wikipedia (Member) on 12-09-2008 at 06:52

GuardsMAN not MEN. MEN means there are several. And it's AN Imperial Guardsman not A. Im not even from England ore the USA and I know this basic grammar come on. And the jokes are lame.

 #10 - Posted by: TDATL (Member) on 12-09-2008 at 07:41

"Im not even from England ore the USA" Thus, we have found the problem. If you were, then you would know how willingly people who speak and write English totally disregard their "standards." Incorrect grammar and spelling are possibly the most important parts of being fluent in the English language. In fact, if you hadn't mentioned that you weren't from the U.S. or the U.K. your own improper use of punctuation could have let you pass for one of us. In short, chill out.

 #11 - Posted by: Sl4sh (Staff) on 12-09-2008 at 07:52

I think you should know that it is called Imperial GuardsMEN - go look up their ingame name. As for grammar mistake of "A Imperial Guardsmen" instead of "AN Imperial Guardsmen", it's a simple mistake that anyone can make. Also, thanks for sharing your feelings about the poll, I'm sure you would come up with something better. *rolls eyes

 #12 - Posted by: captain_thule (Member) on 12-09-2008 at 09:28

i was looking at the questions and all of them will get you killed so i yelled IMBA made a joke about the khorn flakes and shot the commissar and ran like sissy girl back to imperaiel lines where i would be shot for deserting my unit shooting my commissar and makeing a bad joke

 #13 - Posted by: SCONE (Member) on 12-09-2008 at 10:12

khrone fakes haha very corny :o

 #14 - Posted by: Corbec_UST (Member) on 12-09-2008 at 10:21

2) By the time you started saying the first few words you would have an axe in your chest. 3) Damn traitors 4) Unless you do 5 right afterwards this is worthless... but fun 5) Ya, there is not a chance in the Warp you are going to outrun Space Marines 6) See 2 I guess that leaves... choice 1.... Hopefully hearing you say for the Emperor will distract them long enough for you to get lucky and stab him in like his neck or something where there isnt a lot of armor. I like this poll, best one Ive seen, I laughed at almost all of the choices

 #15 - Posted by: deadaimx (Member) on 12-09-2008 at 11:56

Here's another choice for that Imperial Guardsman: invite the Berserkers to his house and watch The Dark Knight on BluRay!

 #16 - Posted by: UnholyGregor (Member) on 12-09-2008 at 12:54

'zerks arent imba.

 #17 - Posted by: kdebones (Member) on 12-09-2008 at 12:56

1) The Emperore won't hear you #14 2) My choice, i'd say something like "Hey Khorne Berserker, your trophy skulls are messed up" then they'd check and i headshot them >: D 3) The dudes ment to kill you, not the other way around, why your Frontline and he's 2nd Line 4) Doing that would be a douchebag move. . . plus, they'd kill you for being weak anywho 5) I'd shoot you myself if the Comm. didn't already 6) If i could pick two things this would be my 2nd

 #18 - Posted by: TDATL (Member) on 12-09-2008 at 13:54

"it is called Imperial GuardsMEN - go look up their ingame name" Actually Slash, he is right about it being guardsman if its singular. Their ingame name is in reference to a squad of them. That's a plural reference not a singular. Man - singular Men - plural Similarly, you can't be a policemen. You can be a policeman. A group can be made up of policemen. So, when the poll has "you are a[n][..]" that implies it's singular. If it was "a group of..." then you would have had it spelled right. I do agree though its just a small error. I didn't even notice it until it was brought up.

 #19 - Posted by: XXXmalice (Member) on 12-09-2008 at 14:29

first off this poll is awesome!!!! k here goes... 1: certain death, but with honor 2:tell joke, hope they get joke, end up a 'zerkers b##ch...lol 3:commisars stand behind the line for a reason, this would be that reason 4:my choice, DEATH TO THE FALSE EMPORER!!!!! 5:your moral breaks and your too confused/scared/sh##ting yourself to run away 6:yell IMBA at your idiot commander who sent a single guardsman at a squad of zerkers to begin with while your being hacked to bits and on the subject of traitors, anyone know how the mods coming along that adds the traitor guard/traitor baneblade, etc .... i cant remember the name of it ???!!!

 #20 - Posted by: Sl4sh (Staff) on 12-09-2008 at 14:41

#18 - Posted by: TDATL Oh right...Makes sense, thanks for the quick lesson :)

 #21 - Irony - Posted by: BaxKiller5 (Member) on 12-09-2008 at 17:19

COWARDS DIE IN SHAME, TRAITORS WILL BURN IN HELL, JOKE ONLY WHEN HE/SHE IS DEAD, SAVE THE HEAD SHOTS FOR THE ENEMY. You forgot ONE more choice CALL FOR AID WHEN NEEDED. Something called The Radio I guess nobody has hears about

 #22 - Sorry 4 2nd post - Posted by: BaxKiller5 (Member) on 12-09-2008 at 17:50

Correction: Nobody has herd about

 #23 - Posted by: scottyz23 (Member) on 12-09-2008 at 19:24

its actually called a Vox in the Warhammer 40k universe.:rolleyes:

 #24 - kill the khorne berzeker - Posted by: chaos100 (Member) on 12-09-2008 at 19:32

well if are imperial guardsmen i will crush them at anyway. and if we are on our base more easy for us with the turrets some upgraded to missile and other stay to gun, strategic points, vehicles and reinforcement will crush them easy and with the baneblade too:D. but if we are alone hmmmm i will try kill them at all cost or if they close to kill us run to a place and set back up my squad:rock::thumbsup: HELL YEAH!!!!!!!!!

 #25 - scotty23 - Posted by: BaxKiller5 (Member) on 12-09-2008 at 20:14

Same thing, be happy

 #26 - Posted by: Grimskull44 (Member) on 12-09-2008 at 21:33

I chose the Charge one, but what did you expect from a Loyalist Marines commander? Besides... If you charge then said Commisar will be helping you against the Berzerkers... And what 'Zerker would target a single guardsman over an angry commisar? As far as the destined for greatness thing... If it turns out you are, expect to regain control after ripping the entire Squad of 'Zerkers apart with your Combat Knife... What happens next involves a few squads of Cultists, one of their leaders, and you yourself with a Bolt Pistol and Chainsword taken from a dead Berzerker... And either a truly heroic, stylish, and gory death or an Honorifica Imperialis and instant promotion to Heroic Senior Officer.

 #27 - Posted by: kcaz (Member) on 12-09-2008 at 21:55

IMBA charge ftw.

 #28 - Posted by: kais246 (Member) on 12-09-2008 at 22:19

Lol a guardman against a whole grupe of beserkers. There is no way he could win, the 'zerkers are imbued with rage and will not stop untill you are dead (or they are). Your measly lasgun will efectivly be a highpowered laserpointer against there armour. Knive? A khorne beserker is desihned for close combat, unless you nail them befor they reach you, you will be dead. So im afraid its a lose-lose game for the poor grunt.

 #29 - Posted by: Fusion1988 (Member) on 12-10-2008 at 02:55

Theres no way in hell (Eye of Terror) that those guardsmen can take on Zerks. Im not sure about Chaos Marines but Space Marines can survive and regenerate from the most severe of wounds even a stab in the neck from a bayonet. Well if it was me i would try deserting and then join the Black Templars by heading to Barbrosia IV were there training/joining grounds are. If you make to the templar facility on there alive then your all ready in.

 #30 - Posted by: Colonists (Member) on 12-10-2008 at 02:59

In reality, i think i will fire away my gun....u know the "spray and pray" move...and i think it is my end..... im already panic-stricken at such a moment... -as in talking like a wise guy, i would try to run back a bit and try to find a better gun to take him down, that is, if the commisar do not mind if i do that...... most of the options are jokes...but jokes that i do find them funny hahah

 #31 - Posted by: Wikipedia (Member) on 12-10-2008 at 04:32

Men means there a multiple. Guardsmen squad means that there are several guardsmen. If you could recruit them in squads of just 1 trooper, it becomes a Guardsman. Men=several man= there is only 1

 #32 - Posted by: Scar_TR (Staff) on 12-10-2008 at 07:45

None of the above. I would STAND AND DELIVER! FOR PRAETORIA! FOR THE EMPEROR! :rock:

 #33 - Posted by: Tmoulus (Member) on 12-10-2008 at 08:40

Shoot the commie and run. Besides there not going to send just ONE guardsmen squad to face the forces of chaos.

 #34 - Posted by: 1000thSon (Member) on 12-10-2008 at 12:55

I approve of this poll. More like it please. And of course, imba.

 #35 - Posted by: Nod71 (Member) on 12-10-2008 at 13:27

For The Emperor!!!:rock:

 #36 - Posted by: Ronald_Jesch (Member) on 12-10-2008 at 15:02

I would charge, but not for the Emperor.

 #37 - And... - Posted by: Zealot2021 (Member) on 12-10-2008 at 22:01

As you start your blind charge with FOR TEH EMPERAH!!! the emperor feels fit to help you out and a gigantic Warhound foot smashes the lot of them. :D *Dey Call Me Stompy!* The end. :borg: And stop bit*hing about grammer cause no one cares except the minute few who are freaking over it, and it has ABSOLUTeLY NOTHING to do with the discussion. L8R! :cool:

 #38 - Posted by: The_Maticore (Member) on 12-11-2008 at 14:37

i totally agree with zealot apart from the bit about the warhound. the foot of a reaver titan would be a much better sight ^.^

 #39 - Posted by: Zealot2021 (Member) on 12-11-2008 at 18:19

Why would you want a smaller titan to come trouncing down on some khorney knornes? :p to each his own eh?

 #40 - Option 7 - Posted by: Massive_Killer (Member) on 12-11-2008 at 21:20

I would whip out a boom box, max out the volume and play some classical music, tear off my clothes where they find out I am wearing tights underneath and yell out "Are you ready for this bitches!? Cause you about to get owned in a ballet dance off mutha fuckers!"

 #41 - ^forgot to mention - Posted by: Massive_Killer (Member) on 12-11-2008 at 21:26

Forgot to mention that I would put on ballet shoes, not point ballet shoes mind you because I can't dance with them, nothing to do with being a man I just don't have enough experience with ballet.

 #42 - A rare sight... - Posted by: Grimskull44 (Member) on 12-12-2008 at 00:54

My answer hasn't changed, though I doubt anyone will belive it. The only reason i'm actually here now is that i suddenly remembered the "Skies of Commoragh" saying from Soulstorm, but not where it came from. googled that, found out, ended up on here seeing if there was anything interesting since last time i looked, After spending the past 5 hours reading i just got a bit restless i guess. The Thirdly can wait for the day i complete the model and find out if my plan can possibly work, and the Fourthly is better served in one of the DoW2 news items. As for Fifthly, that's just a comment about the fluff in the Daemonhunters codex, Pages 4 and 5. and Sixthly? probably furthering the Third point... Anyway, if this survives the Great Purge of spam, It'll be surprising to me at least... i have rambled on for too long for a comment that started as about 3 sentences about what was once here... Now, i return to reading these fanfiction things and guessing at the system requirememnts for DoW2... oh, and being worried at this thing running a game despite being below the minimum requirements, and without any truly bizzare side-effects... Another one of these things i guess. *Returns to the realms of Fanfics, Miracle working computers, and randomly remembering quotes from 40k...*

 #43 - Posted by: Sl4sh (Staff) on 12-12-2008 at 01:08

Mr_Freeze__ has been banned for one month from commenting on this site for being a complete administrative burden due to his countless spam comments. If anyone ever spams random, meaningless, and annoying messages will share the same fate as Mr_Freeze__. I ask all members NOT to post comments about any spam comments made by a spammer. However, I ask you to report such behavior or any other rule breaking behavior, by simply contacting any staff member through our private message system. Simply click on our names to do so. Thanks

 #44 - Posted by: General_Hoss (Member) on 12-12-2008 at 21:31

Guardsmen says: 'FOR THE EMPEROR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DIE CHAOS FILTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!' *switches to full auto and fires away while charging* rolls 2 d6, hits once (4+), wounds (5+), Berzerker fails armour save (1 or 2) statistics: 1/18 chance of a guardsmen killing a Berzerker 1/3 chance of a Berzerker killing a Guardsmen.....

 #45 - Posted by: Dauri (Member) on 12-14-2008 at 03:33

if any id shoot the commisar but that gets you knowere cause beserkers run faster then guardsmen so youd die beserkers dont care if its imba you may die a hero but the keyword in that scentence is die if you surrender youl either be sacraficed to the blood god or if its a good day youll become cannonfodder as a cultist theyd probably do thet evill laugh they do ingame then ask for another joke you have no more and they kill you again id like an option 7 play dead beserkers to crazy to notice you and kill rest of your squad if ur lucky they find another squad to play with and you eventually make it back to base p.s awsome poll

 #46 - Posted by: imon_wielki (Member) on 12-14-2008 at 05:56

There is comissar with you, you may let him do the dirty work, hmm??

 #47 - Posted by: chaoslordx13 (Member) on 12-14-2008 at 12:55

id shoot the commisar in the back and then run like hell yelling OMG IMBA!!! all the way, then id pick up the biggest gun and charge back yelling DIE MOFOS!!!!!! then since im a guardsmen id most likely be bombarded my my own side =p

 #48 - Posted by: ivory_guard (Member) on 12-15-2008 at 16:50

I don't know about all you guardsman out there, but I'm a Grey Knight Brother-Captain! Bring the spawn of Horus to my blade! :D

 #49 - Posted by: Vargtassen (Member) on 12-16-2008 at 19:13

Even a Grey Knight Brother Captain would have a hard time alone against a squad of Khornies, they rip away armour saves and wounds like a pervert rips underwear at a strip club without a bouncer...that was strange... I went for shooting the communist bastard because those commissars haven't helped me in my seven years as a Guard-player. And what guardsman are we talking about here? Seeing as there is a commissar with you there should be a squad of them and a squad of Death Korps have a fair chance to rip em a new one in close combat (hell, I have done it three times =p). And if you got a grenadier doctrine then the guardsman could very well be as good as a stormtrooper. So when I think about it I choose to be a Death Korps of Krieg Grenadier Sergeant with a squad of my best buddies and a commissar worth jack and slice those Khornies, kill Abbadon in a dearing charge into the Eye of Terror, coming back to become the Lord Commander Militant of the Imperium. It's my world, I ain't listening, lalalalalalalalalalalalalala...

 #50 - FOR THE EMPEROR!! - Posted by: Roy_sal (Member) on 12-16-2008 at 20:34

No matter what will happen to me I'd lay down my life for Him as he did for me and my family several milenia ago and THEY WILL FEEL HIS WRATH!!!!!! FOR TERRA AND THE EMPEROR!!!! ( my say cause i regement is called the 3rd Philippinians Regement and thats also their motto and battle-cry! :rock: )

 #51 - 2x i know srry - Posted by: Roy_sal (Member) on 12-16-2008 at 20:37

.... Or stay in cover and wait for a baneblade to F**K 'em all!!!

 #52 - Well I would say Join Chaos, But... - Posted by: Cyber_D (Member) on 12-17-2008 at 20:22

I would say surrender and Join Chaos, Damn Traitor... But Khorne Berserkers could care less wither you surrender or are even with Chaos ALREADY! If they are in the mood to spill blood for the Blood God, you're gonna die! You're best bet is to get the F#@$ out of the way or maybe throw someone else in there line of sight and run like you stole something or preferably both :p . Get the heck out of sight and hope in there blood crazed fury they didn't notice you to begin with and they run off looking for other people to kill. So there's my 2cents }> David "Cyber D" :borg:

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