Posted on September 10, 2014, Phil Hornshaw The Destiny Diaries – Day 1: Dinklage the Inscrutable
The Destiny Diaries is a daily retelling of the experiences of GameFront’s days in Destiny, imparting our impressions as we work through the game for the first time. Check back each day for a new episode, and stay tuned for a full review next week.
Don’t miss The Destiny Diaries – Day 2: Hell is Other People in the Crucible, The Destiny Diaries – Day 3: Saving Private Heaney, The Destiny Dairies – Day 4: In Which I Read All Those Grimoire Cards and The Destiny Diaries – Day 5: No More Worlds to Conquer.
A floating robot with the voice of Peter Dinklage literally resurrects my body in the opening moments of Destiny. He’s super nonchalant about it. I imagine my guardian character would be freaking out a bit.
“You’ve been dead a long time,” he says, informing me to expect confusion. I currently have no idea just how good this advice will be when applied to the next five hours.
My dull-as-dishwater guardian (read: awesome player-controlled supersoldier) says absolutely nothing about literally being brought back to life. Neither does she comment about having no idea what’s going on, having a rifle shoved into her hands, and fighting through waves and waves of multi-armed alien soldiers (Dinklage calls them The Fallen) on a destroyed and abandoned Earth. Clearly these things don’t matter.
“TRIP MINES! Don’t touch them.”
I got it, Peter Dinklage, I’ve played a video game before.
“Fallen ships! This close to the surface?!”
Is that important, Dinklage? Well, since you’re not saying anything else, I guess it’s not.
“There’s a wizard here! You have to kill it!”
Wait, a wizard? What does that–
“The Darkness is preparing to attack again, we have to stop it.”
I’m not convinced any of these words actually mean anything, Dinklage.
I follow Dinklage’s lead through several missions, exploring different sub-basements of the same Russian Cosmodrome, which is a cool word for “space facility” but which has been rendered without any of the cool space things, because what’s a video game without a post-apocalypse. We kill a lot of dudes, all of which are really good at seeing me, standing still, then running behind cover and being annoying to shoot. Slowly I unlock the ability to throw a grenade once every five minutes, and then throwing knives, which are way cooler than the grenades. I snipe skulls and pick up loot.
I have no idea why I’m doing anything I’m doing, but aliens keep lining up to be shot, so… guess I’ll do that.
If I wanted to read a Wikia, I’d go play Minecraft.
Off to the Guardian Tower, in The Last Safe City on Earth, which is where some people live, apparently. The Tower feels like the show floor at PAX, with all the people standing at their little stalls, selling you various things, so one assumes it’s a lot like living in a mall. I talk to the “Speaker.” He speaks for the “Traveler,” which is a giant robot(?) moon(?) thing. The Traveler uses Light(?) to make the robots called Ghosts, of which Dinklage is one. The Traveler was very nice to us in the past, but now cannot speak. The Darkness(?) is coming. Go and shoot it.
I’m pretty good at shooting things that seem tangentially related to the Darkness.
Some other words Dinklage has said at me: Rasputin, Warmind, Dead Orbit, jump ship, Hive, Fallen House. There are a few others that I don’t remember. Go to Bungie.net for more information, the game says. Eh, I think. If I wanted to read a Wikia, I’d go play Minecraft. If Bungie can’t be arsed to explain what’s going on, why should I?