There are several things that can ruin a good video. A few of them are boring plots, boring filming, boring anything, really, or bad quality sound/audio. I hate to say it, but the audio in this video really sucked. The music was fine, actually, but the voice acting was somewhat atrocious. First of all, the actors were not picked very well. Secondly, half the time they didn't enunciate themselves well enough to be understood. There's nothing worse than going through a video without being able to understand what's going on. As a result, I stopped watching it halfway through because I found myself not paying attention anyway.
Not only was the audio less than perfect, but the filming style was somewhat boring. There was very little camera movement, and when there was it was either in straight lines or, if it wasn't, it was jerky. There are ways to get around that, the most notable being to set your mouse sensitivity very low. That helps smooth the camera movements. I actually learned that after filming a piece where my own filming was very jerky, so I like to pass that little tidbit on to the community so they can learn from my mistakes.
As for the voice acting, perhaps it's time to look for some more professional actors, instead of all your clanmates and buddies. Try TheForce.net's fan audio forum (http://boards.theforce.net/Fan_Audio/b10565/). Also, the Galactic Senate forum are a good place to find voice actors. I've worked with some of them before and their moderator, Nathan P. Butler, is an amazing guy as well as an awesome voice actor. Don't be shy, but also don't bother them unless you're really serious and already have something to show for yourself. Those guys are really in to what they do.
Work on your filming technique and work on getting your voice audio up to par. You don't need professionals, but you also shouldn't settle for just anybody, otherwise your story will suffer as it seems to have here. You have potential, so don't give up yet. I hope those links help all the budding filmers out there.
For a low resolution version, see HERE.
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