How to Get a Substitute Wife
You will need.....
1 Wife (preferably forgiving and tolerent, if you can't get one then any woman will do) A large number of unnattached female (preferably but whatever floats your boat) friends with a sense of desperation. Some witty dry lines.
Ok so basically one day about 7 years ago I was staying round at a friends house while my wife was visiting her parents in Scotland. Now staying round at girls houses is always great bacuse they say things like 'would you like a cup of tea' and 'don't worry I'll get it for you'.. Beats subsisitng on half a scotch egg and beer as we do on our own.
And so I came up with the line "well you can be my substitute wife while my own wife is awa"y.. now for some reason the woman had no objections, you see secrelty they like taking care of us useless blokes. Then another chirpped in well can I be your second substitute.... women actually volunteering. (please not no sexual favors were forthcoming)
From then on it was easy, women despite their protestations are intensley competitive, one girl I hadn't even met asked to join as she had heard people talking about it. The list grew and grew especially as they got older (tick tick).
Now the rules - The woman at the top of your list will take over should the wife die... has to be real death not just incapacity.... Divorce is a grey area.
If the woman has a Boyfriend you skip to the next one... when you have 27 who needs the hassle. If she has a husband then shes permenently removed.
The effect of this is you have all the people at the top of the list trying to get blokes and all the ones down the bottom trying to scupper their relationships (infighting and bickering)
At a minimum you should expect them to know their current position, be willing to make you tea and listen to your jokes without complaint and pose for an ego boosting photo with all the others.
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